No sex is no fun!

[AquaGrlTO]

Hello!

My boyfriend and I have been dating for over two years now...

When we first began going out we were at 'it' 24/7...now...well...if maybe about once a month counts (if I'm lucky). What the hell happened to us?

We own tons of sex books, we watch pornos, we try new positions, etc, etc...what's the matter?

I can't think of any other way to fix this sexual relationship! Or should I say non-sexual....is it totally over and dead?

Absolutely nothing works!!!

 

[Debbie]

Hello!

My boyfriend and I have been dating for over two years now...

When we first began going out we were at 'it' 24/7...now...well...if maybe about once a month counts (if I'm lucky). What the hell happened to us?

We own tons of sex books, we watch pornos, we try new positions, etc, etc...what's the matter?

I can't think of any other way to fix this sexual relationship! Or should I say non-sexual....is it totally over and dead?

Absolutely nothing works!!!

Welcome to lit.
Have you talked to each other about why you are having sex less frequently?
Are there time constraints? As in you both work? Have children? Stress? etc.

 

[AquaGrlTO]

Yes. We talk about it all the time...he doesn't like to...and c'mon we're young...not responsiblilties...(really) and nothing!

He says talking about it seems like I'm whining about it!

 

[Guest]

Hello - do you mean he doesn't want to have sex, or he doesn't want to TALK about not having sex? I read something a couple of months ago about libido loss in people - if it isn't a job/money/children/stress/etc. thing, maybe he should get checked by his MD - just a thought (if you could get him to go, that is) - Good luck -

Sarah

 

[AquaGrlTO]

Well, he'll go to the doctor if I ask him to, but he'll deny having the problem. I'm going to look the problem up on the net and see if it's in any way related....thanks.

 

[WaterNymph]

Not to be a pessimist but has it occured to you that he might be cheating on you? If the sex isn't happening, then where is he getting it from?

I mean really, what man would not care if he gets laid except for people like IA591somethingorother?

 

[AquaGrlTO]

Nope. I know he's not cheating on me. I can trust him with that. He's a "different" kind of guy I cannot even describe. In fact, I am the one doing the cheating...only when the opportunity feels right and I get totally desparate.

Before my boyfriend starting seeing me he had a three year long relationship with a girl he never had sex with once. She was a virgin intending to keep it that way...

...sex is not one of his primary concerns I guess...or any of his concern at that...

But thanks for the input, if it was someone else I was dating I would've thought of that one too.

 

[T.H. Oughts]

...sex is not one of his primary concerns I guess...or any of his concern at that...

I don't really know about you both to comment, but with his lack of sexual drive the last few years, is he gay and not wanting to face the fact and come out????????

 

[AquaGrlTO]

Nah, this guy's far from being gay....somehow I knew that that would be the next comment...LOL

 

[WaterNymph]

What a relief to know that he isn't cheating. By your cheating, do you mean RL sex or cyber? Cyber is not like sex. I don't care what anyone says. It may be 'cheating' but it isn't sex. You need sex.

There are a lot of people out there with low sex drives. It isn't abnormal. What is abnormal is his lack of concern for YOUR needs.

He may not be horny like you, but he can't expect you to change something that isn't alterable without drugs or whatever. The idea that he acts like you are whining when you talk about it bothers me. You have needs. They should be met.


Good luck. I wish I could offer you more help.

 

[cymbidia]

Perhaps...

When you were new to each other, your brains were engaged and actively seeking closeness, intimacy, sexual sharing. With time, you got used to each other. You became known quantities on an emotional level. There were no risks, no challenges, no new horizons with regard to the intellectual/emotional/philosophical excitement you felt, one for the other. Your life began to assume the weight of life's mundanities: bills, vacations, when, where, what, who, your mother of mine for Easter dinner?

Somewhere along the way, you lost the excitement of learning about each other.

You need to set time aside to go on dates, as hokey as that sounds. You need to relearn each other. You need new adventures, together. Go whitewater rafting. Go backpacking. Go take a drive without a map and without utilizing major interstates - for three days.

Relearn the excitement of being together.

Make the effort.

It all begins in the brain.

 

[teddybear4play]

Nope. I know he's not cheating on me. I can trust him with that. He's a "different" kind of guy I cannot even describe. In fact, I am the one doing the cheating...only when the opportunity feels right and I get totally desparate.

Well, perhaps that may be part of the problem?

TB4p

 

[nasty1]

I hear ya. I've had a REALLY hard time without sex for 23 fucking years. But, back on topic, do what teddy says, and, stop the cheating. You've got a vibrator for that stuff. It's kinda like you said, you know him enough to know he doesn't cheat. Well, it may go both ways. Perhaps he knows you well enough to know you're cheating.

 

[AquaGrlTO]

First of all he's clueless. Yeah, I love him. A vibrator just isn't the same as having sex with another person. Well actually, I shouldn't call it sex, it's more like a "fuck".

Anyhow, all this "not having sex business" is really making me move further away from the feelings I have for him. I'm starting to find other people (at work, etc) that I feel more interested in. I really don't want to lose him but he's not willing to talk or do absolutely ANYTHING!

 

[dreamer]

HOLY SHIT!@!!!!! Just end the relationship already. SHEESH!! Don't sleep around with other guys and bitch about the problems with your sex life with your bf.

Your problems sexualy with your BF.

1. YOU ARE CHEATING!!!
2-10,000,000,000 empty space.

10,000,000,001 it's not as exciting as before.

Sorry to be harsh but sack up and hurt the guy now before he finds out what you've been doing.

Oh and btw, you DO NOT love him if you are cheating...stop deluding yourself right now.

 

[CarKeys]

Don't cheat, nobody deserves that. Just break up with him. But you must tell him why. He deserves the truth at the very least. You said you loved him, if he loves you also he should be willing to make compromises.

 

[AquaGrlTO]

Thanks CARKEYS...I think we are in the process of breaking up. I did however tell him my problems, and he didn't care. He said that he wasn't about to change for anyone...he said our relationship is dead because we've been dating for so long and so on...But, uh...c'mon...some people can remain married for 50 years and love one another and still have a healthy sex life... Thanks for the input

 

[lilminx]

Yes. We talk about it all the time...he doesn't like to...and c'mon we're young...not responsiblilties...(really) and nothing!

He says talking about it seems like I'm whining about it!

OMG- he sounds exactly like my ex-boyfriend, and you sound like me! I eventually left my boyfriend after 5 years of being with him. The lack of sex was part of the problem, but there were other things wrong with the relationship as well.

I'm sorry for your frustration, and I hope that you find a solution that is satisfactory to you.

 

[penguindance]

 

[AquaGrlTO]

Thanks anyway! I need to get laid

 

[InnocentAngel81]

i miss sex ugh it seems like forever

 

[AquaGrlTO]

Hey, I have a boyfriend and I haven't been laid in a month and half!!!

 

[Ice Cold]

No sex is like no air... both leave you blue.

 

[brisbon]

"My boyfriend and I have been dating for over two years now"

"he said our relationship is dead because we've been dating for so long and so on"


hmmm .... doesnt seem like a long time to me, there may be multiple things going on here, if you believe the relationship is over then It may be time to get out. If not, It's time for a very serious talk, ask him if he cares, what he wants out of life, tell him how you feel.

Hanging on in quiet desparation is the English way
- Pink Floyd

 

[Wiggles]

You know, you're in the exact same (well.. maybe not exact) situation my ex and I were in.

I wanted sex, closeness, romance, all that. He wanted to play on the PC. He actually did care that we were having problems, but he didn't want to put any effort into fixing them. Why were we having problems? Lack of excitement, his feelings of incompetency, my feelings of neglect, general staleness in the relationship. It was a downward spiral that I couldn't reverse.

Bottom line, we were great companions, good friends, but the attraction just wasn't there like it used to be.

I might add that we broke up three weeks ago, and we're still living together. I don't know if that's something you want to do, or if you can figure out how to change the dynamics of your sex life, but that's one couples way of solving the issue.

Sometimes you're just better off as friends.