No Safety Here Anymore

[lesbiaphrodite]

Hello and goodbye to my friends. I have tried to shake off the stalker who has been trailing me, and she won't give up. So, I'm leaving these boards for good. I just want to thank everyone who has been here for me and all the people who I've enjoyed learning from and talking to, even fighting with. It's been fun. But the fun stopped when this stalker started tracing my every step.

I reported her to the site owners, and not only did they not do anything, they didn't even respond to it. I'm removing my work from the site and every trace of me is leaving now. I tried coming in under an alt, but that didn't work either. As soon as she smelled some fragrance of me, she came back following me.

This person is dangerous. She is a schizophrenic and I just don't think anything here is important enough to risk my safety.

Goodbye Literotica.

To Laurel and Manu: Shame on you for not trying to do something to prevent this and to help me and others she may stalk in the future.

 

[Verdad]

I'm saddened and angered to see a fine poster, writer, and person chased out of here by a stalker, and twice. I wish so much you came out with the stalker's identity. The site's policy is such as it is, but there's something to be said about the community, and once in the past, when a guy harassed two women, the community was able to tell him in no uncertain terms there's no place for such behavior here. Theoretically, he could have stayed, but once his cover was blown, he could gain no purchase around here. I wish something like that would happen this time too.

Bullying on the boards is for better or for worse something we all learn to deal with, but stalking via PM's and emails and beyond Lit is something else. I respect your being tired and not wanting more drama, but I really wish we could do something.

 

[CharleyH]

Hello and goodbye to my friends. I have tried to shake off the stalker who has been trailing me, and she won't give up. So, I'm leaving these boards for good. I just want to thank everyone who has been here for me and all the people who I've enjoyed learning from and talking to, even fighting with. It's been fun. But the fun stopped when this stalker started tracing my every step.

I reported her to the site owners, and not only did they not do anything, they didn't even respond to it. I'm removing my work from the site and every trace of me is leaving now. I tried coming in under an alt, but that didn't work either. As soon as she smelled some fragrance of me, she came back following me.

This person is dangerous. She is a schizophrenic and I just don't think anything here is important enough to risk my safety.

Goodbye Literotica.

To Laurel and Manu: Shame on you for not trying to do something to prevent this and to help me and others she may stalk in the future.

I don't get along with you, Lesbi, but I'm shocked that you can't handle a stalker by simply blocking or ignoring them. Such is the difference between the weak and the strong, I suppose. Much luck to you in your future.

PS: Laurel and Manu are righteous. They always do the right thing when the 'right' thing needs to be done.

 

[sadangel]

I too am saddened and angered. I spent 5 years with 2 internet stalkers. EVERYWHERE I went, they were both there to ruin my day and my reputation and my life. They were both women. I came here under a name very different from the one they knew me as. Hopefully, they never figure it out. I was fortunate. The boards they followed me to, except for one, banned them as soon as I told them what was going on and sent proof of emails/PM's to them of what was going on.

LesA....I sure wish you didn't have to leave. *sigh* The good ones always get run off.

I too think Laural and Manu should be VERY ashamed of themselves for doing nothing to stop this, though I'm sadly not surprised. They belive this falls under the free speech rule. It doesn't.

If LA comes here to lurk one last time I hope you read the following.

I hope you saved EVERY email/PM from them. Your responses. Your please to the Admins for help and lack of response. Then, go to your authorities and file suit for internet harassment. (You might consider doing some googling to see just who that would be.)

LA I'm so sad that you are dealing with this. I wish I could do something, even just sit with you while you talk about it. Send a PM if you read this and I can tell you more and give you a contact way to me.

 

[sadangel]

I don't get along with you, Lesbi, but I'm shocked that you can't handle a stalker by simply blocking or ignoring them. Such is the difference between the weak and the strong, I suppose. Much luck to you in your future.

PS: Laurel and Manu are righteous. They always do the right thing when the 'right' thing needs to be done.

You haven't been internet stalked have you? I have. It's not that easy. Honest. They ALWAYS find a way to get back to you. They can and will create 100's of alts in a day just to harass and stalk. Would you like to spend your whole time on Lit trying to ignore every last one. Trying to block them on emails is like looking for a needle in a haystack. Every time

If you block one addy, two more spring up from them.

You "addon" about L and M. No. They don't.

 

[Zeb_Carter]

I too am sorry to see you go.

But, I find myself agreeing with CharleyH *hits self in the head* , I know it's amazing. With the tools at your disposal here on the boards you can put every incarnation of that person on ignore...let all your friends know about them...turn off PMs, turn off comments, etc.

And yes maybe Manu and Laurel should do something about that kind of poster but we all believe in freespeech here, so the the few bad eggs that survive here are here because of that.

And you as an adult should have the strength and fortitude to ignore those that would berate you. They cannot show up at your door unless you tell them where you live. They cannot call your unless you give out your phone number. The only harm they may cause is in your mind, so just shut it out. Don't read what they spew. The delete button is there for a reason.

Sad at your going...

ETA: Cyber stalking is now a Federal crime...I'll have to read about what the site owners of a forum should do once reported but...

 

[Verdad]

I agree we're all adults and come here with the understanding that we can handle whatever unpleasantness comes our way—and some will, it's only the nature of appearing in public on however a small scale—but I still hate to see someone in this situation left entirely to their own devices as if it's no one else's business if people are being harassed right in front of our noses.

I'm not questioning Laurel's decision—it's not for me to do and I don't know enough detail anyhow—but I wish LA to know, if she's still listening, that a stalker can't silence her and that the rest of us aren't indifferent.

I can't offer much more than sympathy, though, but maybe someone else has useful advice for dealing with stalker situations.

 

[CharleyH]

You haven't been internet stalked have you? I have. It's not that easy. Honest. They ALWAYS find a way to get back to you. They can and will create 100's of alts in a day just to harass and stalk. Would you like to spend your whole time on Lit trying to ignore every last one. Trying to block them on emails is like looking for a needle in a haystack. Every time

If you block one addy, two more spring up from them.

You "addon" about L and M. No. They don't.

Yep, I have. And yep, it's that easy to tell them to Fuck themselves before you ignore them and they tire of you.

 

[Zeb_Carter]

I agree we're all adults and come here with the understanding that we can handle whatever unpleasantness comes our way—and some will, it's only the nature of appearing in public on however a small scale—but I still hate to see someone in this situation left entirely to their own devices as if it's no one else's business if people are being harassed right in front of our noses.

I'm not questioning Laurel's decision—it's not for me to do and I don't know enough detail anyhow—but I wish LA to know, if she's still listening, that a stalker can't silence her and that the rest of us aren't indifferent.

I can't offer much more than sympathy, though, but maybe someone else has useful advice for dealing with stalker situations.

While this is true, we the citizens of Lit can help. There once was an inhabitant that chose to stalk a another. We banded together and drove him off. It has been done with others as well. So we can help you just have to let us know...and a thread about you leaving isn't.

 

[LaRocha]

Cyber stalking, like real world stalking, is only a crime if there's clear intent to harm. The catch with that is there's no real way to prove someone intends to harm you unless they actually do harm to you or your property. If this person is telling LA they're going to harm her, have personal information about her, she can just report it to the real world police, forget about the site owners.

 

[sr71plt]

We banded together and drove him off. It has been done with others as well.

Which is stalking in itself--based on subjective views of the circumstances--and, in many cases, the buddy system at work. (which is probably why the Web site owners don't open this can of worms).

 

[CharleyH]

If this person is telling LA they're going to harm her, have personal information about her, she can just report it to the real world police, forget about the site owners.

I agree.

 

[Liar]

Cyber stalking, like real world stalking, is only a crime if there's clear intent to harm.

Not really. stalking, cyber or other, can in some cases clearly be harassment. Which is a crime.

Sorry to see it happen. 'tis never fun.

 

[R. Richard]

Sad to see you go, lesbiaphrodite. Best of luck whereever you do go.

 

[Liar]

I too think Laural and Manu should be VERY ashamed of themselves for doing nothing to stop this, though I'm sadly not surprised. They belive this falls under the free speech rule. It doesn't.

More likely it just drowned in all the other drama going on around here. Have you guys been to the more heavily trafficked boards on this forum lately?

Gump: "Lt_Dan's alt Bubba is stalking me!"
Bubba: "I'm not an alt!"
Gump: "Fuuuck youuuuu!"
Bubba: "Gump is sending me PMs with penises!"
Gump: "No I'm not, you filthy liar!"
Bubba: "But your alt Lt_Dan is!"
Gump: "I don't have an alt!"
Bubba: "I've reported your lying, stalking ass!"
Gump: "Fuuuuck youuuu! I've reported YOUR ass, so THERE!"
Lt_Dan: "Hey, what's going on?"
Gump: "Burn in hell!"
Bubba: "Yeah, buuurn!"
Lt_Dan: "Wtf?"

Happens every five minutes or so.

 

[Verdad]

Which is stalking in itself--based on subjective views of the circumstances--and, in many cases, the buddy system at work. (which is probably why the Web site owners don't open this can of worms).

That is a problem. No one has to believe anyone, strictly speaking. Still, that is precisely one of the things ugly characters count on. "Make a peep, and you'll look as bad as me." I wouldn't be surprised if LA prefers to leave precisely so as to avoid that, and I hate it because I don't like to see isolate-the-victim tactics work.

Much as I have a distaste for drama, in her place I think I'd do both the "fuck off" thing and publicize the person's name thing. I'm not in her place, though, so I can only wish her luck.

 

[Zeb_Carter]

Which is stalking in itself--based on subjective views of the circumstances--and, in many cases, the buddy system at work. (which is probably why the Web site owners don't open this can of worms).

How is it stalking if we all put them on ignore? I wasn't talking about anti-stalking posting frenzy, just all her friends putting the offending party(s) on ignore.

 

[sr71plt]

How is it stalking if we all put them on ignore? I wasn't talking about anti-stalking posting frenzy, just all her friends putting the offending party(s) on ignore.

Your words were "We banded together and drove them off." Your words weren't "we put them on ignore." There's an ocean of difference there.

 

[Handley_Page]

How is it stalking if we all put them on ignore? I wasn't talking about anti-stalking posting frenzy, just all her friends putting the offending party(s) on ignore.

As has been mentioned, the stalker will just pull up a new name/Alt and keep going.

It's so sad.

 

[LaRocha]

Not really. stalking, cyber or other, can in some cases clearly be harassment. Which is a crime.

Sorry to see it happen. 'tis never fun.

Most cases of stalking dealt with in courts are for restraining orders. It's nearly impossible bringing charges of criminal harassment or criminal menace without actual damage done to a person or property. Harassment where the only claim is emotional distress is punishable in civil court, but has no place in US criminal court. Sexual harassment is criminal harassment, but you need a workplace for litigation.

 

[sr71plt]

In legal terms, you can only be stalked in true name (and physically). If you don't post on the Internet in true name, an actual person isn't being stalked. Same as libel. You can't (legally) be libeled as a fake name on the Internet.

 

[Pure]

Note to lesbia; comments.

i'm sorry to hear you are leaving, LA.

there is a real problem at a 'free speech' forum: it's a GIVEN, that there will be impoliteness, and even offence. perhaps recurring. from these, one has to distinguish situations of real menace or threat, unrelenting harassment, and the 'gray area' of 'i'm going to make your [cyber]life miserable.'

there are problems defining some relevant terms, in respect of the law. Many states, the US. and other countries have undertaken to draft stalking (criminal) laws, and some have attempted 'cyberstalking'; as well, 'criminal harassment' has been formulated. See examples from criminal codes below. All involve patterns of intentional action which causes fear or alarm; speaking very roughly; actual physical harm need not occur or even be threatened, in many laws. sometimes stalking or harassment are broadly formulated so as to include the 'cyber' cases.

Laurel, however, is in a quite different situation; she is not a law enforcement person, nor asking them to act; she is free to enforce whatever 'rules of decorum' she pleases, NOT bound by legal niceties, and going beyond legal infractions. she could ban those who say 'gosh' 'golly' or 'holy smoke'. however she holds [or, 'held'] to the minimum, here.

If Laurel doesn't act, and i'm not faulting her in any way, it's up to the community to act, as several posters have suggested. perhaps shunning is envisioned. But it's unclear whether there is 'solidarity' around this incident or this sort of incident. People tend to say, if A says she's harassed by B, "Well, it's not me, it's A versus B, and who knows." alternatively, "I never liked A much, so I'm glad they're 'getting up.;' " alternatively "free speech always involves possible upset; that's just part of the deal; there must almost never be any suppression. A is just overly sensitive."

i don't know the details or history of this case, but it's very sad that no satisfactory resolution occurred and that we've apparently lost a valued poster.


===================
http://crime.about.com/od/women/a/stalking_laws.htm

http://crime.about.com/gi/o.htm?zi=...ww.ncvc.org/src/main.aspx?dbID=DB_Illinois121
ILLINOIS
Stalking

720 ILCS 5/12-7.3. Stalking. (2010) ILLINOIS

(a) A person commits stalking when he or she knowingly engages in a course of conduct directed at a specific person, and he or she knows or should know that this course of conduct would cause a reasonable person to:
(1) fear for his or her safety or the safety of a third person; or
(2) suffer other emotional distress.
(a-3) A person commits stalking when he or she, knowingly and without lawful justification, on
at least 2 separate occasions follows another person or places the person under surveillance or any combination thereof and:
(1) at any time transmits a threat of immediate or future bodily harm, sexual assault, confinement or restraint and the threat is directed towards that person or a family member of that person; or
(2) places that person in reasonable apprehension of immediate or future bodily harm, sexual assault, confinement or restraint; or
(3) places that person in reasonable apprehension that a family member will receive immediate or future bodily harm, sexual assault, confinement, or restraint.
===
§ 720 ILCS 5/12-7.5. Cyberstalking. (2010) ILLINOIS

(a) A person commits cyberstalking when he or she engages in a course of conduct using electronic communication directed at a specific person, and he or she knows or should know that would cause a reasonable person to:
(1) fear for his or her safety or the safety of a third person; or
(2) suffer other emotional distress.
(a-3) A person commits cyberstalking when he or she, knowingly and without
lawful justification, on at least 2 separate occasions, harasses another person through the use of electronic communication and:
(1) at any time transmits a threat of immediate or future bodily harm, sexual assault, confinement, or restraint and the threat is directed towards that person or a family member of that person, or
(2) places that person or a family member of that person in reasonable apprehension of immediate or future bodily harm, sexual assault, confinement, or restraint; or [...]



http://www.victimbar.org/src/main.aspx?dbID=DB_Massachusetts176
MASSACHUSETTS
ALM GL ch. 265, § 43A. Criminal Harassment. (2000)

(a) Whoever willfully and maliciously engages in a knowing pattern of conduct or series of acts over a period of time directed at a specific person, which seriously alarms that person and would cause a reasonable person to suffer substantial emotional distress, shall be guilty of the crime of criminal harassment and shall be punished by imprisonment in a house of correction for not more than two and one-half years or by a fine of not more than $1,000, or by both such fine and imprisonment. Such conduct or acts described in this paragraph shall include, but not be limited to, conduct or acts conducted by mail or by use of a telephonic or telecommunication device including, but not limited to, electronic mail, internet communications or facsimile communications.

 

[Laurel]

Hello,

Sorry you're having trouble.

I have to admit I'm a bit confused. According to my email outbox, you wrote me on March 1 explaining that you had an unwanted person contacting you via email. I wrote back a rather lengthy reply with suggestions on how to stop this contact. Suggestions I included (quoting from the email I sent to you):

In the meantime, you may consider:
1) changing to another email address - gmail is good;
2) putting that person's email address as a spammer in your email program;
3) automatically trashing any feedback from that username (So long as you don't respond, they won't know your new email address, or even that you changed emails.)
4) putting your comments on registered users only
5) deleting without comment any notes they leave on your work

You responded thanking me for the help. I have no record of receiving any email from you after that. If you did send one, I apologize for not responding - but I just don't see one, either in my inbox or spam filter.

For everyone's FYI: f a user is being harassed offsite - at their email account or elsewhere on the Internet, or via phone calls or other personal contacts - there's not a lot we can do. I strongly suggest that anyone who is being harassed in such a manner should contact their local law enforcement. I also strongly suggest that everyone be very very careful with their personal data - real names, email addresses, etc.

I wish you all the best, and hope this has cleared up any misunderstandings.

 

[lesbiaphrodite]

Hello,

Sorry you're having trouble.

I have to admit I'm a bit confused. According to my email outbox, you wrote me on March 1 explaining that you had an unwanted person contacting you via email. I wrote back a rather lengthy reply with suggestions on how to stop this contact. Suggestions I included (quoting from the email I sent to you):



You responded thanking me for the help. I have no record of receiving any email from you after that. If you did send one, I apologize for not responding - but I just don't see one, either in my inbox or spam filter.

For everyone's FYI: f a user is being harassed offsite - at their email account or elsewhere on the Internet, or via phone calls or other personal contacts - there's not a lot we can do. I strongly suggest that anyone who is being harassed in such a manner should contact their local law enforcement. I also strongly suggest that everyone be very very careful with their personal data - real names, email addresses, etc.

I wish you all the best, and hope this has cleared up any misunderstandings.

To Laurel,

Thank you for taking the time to respond. I sent you two subsequent e-mails to the one you mentioned indicating in extremely detailed fashion the fact that the abuse and harassment had escalated, and I received no reply from either of the two e-mails sent, so I simply gave up on trying. I took it to mean you didn't care.

This person got my e-mail addie from my contact info that I provided as most authors do so that readers can leave feedback. The harassment started with PMs here and then moved from there to my email account. Obviously, I didn't imagine that by doing something as basic as giving an e-mail address (which I have obviously changed since all of this happened) would lead to harassment and fear for my safety.

This person managed to hack into my computer by using my IP address. Then, she began tracking all my movements online. After that, she proceeded to send me unwanted e-mails that started out as mildly insulting and ended up with her telling me she believed I was writing my stories for her expressly and sending her secretly coded messages in them. HELLO! This is a schizophrenic, people.

I realize that the tendency in all walks of life is to leave it in the hands of the victim to take the necessary action and nothing short of the accused stalker actually breaking into your house and ringing your neck will get any serious help. But, for whatever reasons, I guess it never occurred to me that by posting stories on a free site I was opening myself up to this kind of vandalism and harassment.

I continue to be genuinely scared of this person because she has given me reason to think she has traced me. If she knows my IP for God's sake, she knows where I live.

Anyway anyway....I didn't come back to stir things up at all. I just wanted to leave a few parting words for those offering support and of course to a few of my detractors:

To Charley H: I just want you to know that I think you are total and utter scum. You have no idea what the fuck has been going on with me, and yet you presume that because I make a decision to leave this board because of the fucked-up situation and lack of simple safety features that would prevent this shit that I am "weak?!" Give me a fucking break. I'll tell you what is weak: A punk ass cunt like you who doesn't have the balls to confront me on the board with your bile, but instead waits until something horrid happens and I am in a tough situation to run up after I leave and start talking smack. You are low, Charley H. I hope this situation helps people get a far clearer perspective on the kind of gutter snipe you are.

To everyone else who was so kind and helpful and have sent me PMs, thank you. I love you and appreciate your concern.

There is no consensus about me on the boards. Some hate me. Some love me. That's all fine. I don't care about it anymore. I wouldn't expect anyone to join hands in solidarity to protect me or to shun this person because I'm leaving anyway.

My voice will not be silenced, Verdad, my dear friend. I will go on writing and becoming better and better at it each day. I will NEVER again, however, post my work on this site and I would advise ALL OF YOU who value your safety to think long and hard about what you would do if this happened to you.

If anyone wants to contact me further, my new email addie is up on my profile page (no worries about anyone hacking into my PC or this account because I've installed safety features and changed ISPs) and I'll be happy to tell you the name of the person in this situation. I have no interest in discussing her on the board. I am quite frankly mortified of what she might do. She is insane and she is obsessed with me.

End of story.

 

[cloudy]

Be well, doll. You have my email address, so please keep in touch.