"Ninjas shot me in the nuts...."

[3113]

Or so said a 17-year old to the police before coming clean.

Police in Chicago say a teenager with gang ties tried to blame a self-inflicted gunshot to the groin on a pair of ninjas before eventually coming clean.

The unnamed 17-year-old was brought to Loyola Hospital in Maywood with a "left groin" injury that appeared to be self-inflicted. But police officers who were called to the hospital by staff were told by the teen that two men dressed in ninja garb were to blame.

The teen said the men emerged from a black van in front of his car and shot him with a semi-automatic handgun. After a scan of the crime scene, a review of surveillance footage, and a number of interviews with potential eyewitnesses yielded no proof of ninja-related activity, police confronted the teen and eventually were told the truth.

It seems the kid was in his car with an unspecified number of "female friends" and was messing around with a gun when it accidentally discharged in his lap.

This kid needs new writers. Ninjas don't use guns. If they're going to get you in the nuts, they'll use shurikens.

 

[steve44uk]

Or so said a 17-year old to the police before coming clean.

This kid needs new writers. Ninjas don't use guns. If they're going to get you in the nuts, they'll use shurikens.

<wince>

OK, enough with the nut-damage, already...

 

[slyc_willie]

They'll blame anything on ninjas these days, I swear . . . .

 

[Stella_Omega]

I'm so glad he injured himself and not one of the other people he was with.

 

[soflabbwlvr]

I would've stuck with my original story. No reason the women in the car couldn't have been Ninjas. Prove they weren't.

 

[slyc_willie]

I would've stuck with my original story. No reason the women in the car couldn't have been Ninjas. Prove they weren't.

But he still thought he had a shot with them.

ba-dum-bum . . . .

 

[mynameisben]

This kid needs new writers. Ninjas don't use guns. If they're going to get you in the nuts, they'll use shurikens.

Ninja's use guns in the James Bond film, You Only Live Twice. They are, in fact, machine guns.

 

[Safe_Bet]

After a scan of the crime scene, a review of surveillance footage, and a number of interviews with potential eyewitnesses yielded no proof of ninja-related activity

Pffffft! They were NINJAS! Of COURSE, they didn't show up!

If they'd show up on surveillance footage or witness accounts they'd just be people in pajamas!

 

[Stella_Omega]

Pffffft! They were NINJAS! Of COURSE, they didn't show up!

If they'd show up on surveillance footage or witness accounts they'd just be people in pajamas!

The voice of common sense, here.

 

[lovecraft68]

I remember when I was a teenager there was this place in downtown Providence named KIm Li's.

They sold all kinds of Asian "remedies" and groceries, but the main attraction was the cases of knives and shurikens that they would sell right to us kids.

We bought butterfly knives and the throwing stars then would go home and throw the damn things.

Fortunately most of the kids I knew limited it to chucking them at dart boards and trees and fences. I don;t ever remember throwing one at someone, but when I look back on it I'm like "Goddamn, what were they thinking?"

And of course we also had those cool grappling hooks and spikes that go on your hands to crawl up wall.

Yup we were all ninjas! Funny thing was none of us had guns.

Sadly a lot of men still want to be ninjas hence the success of the Bud K catalog.

 

[MatthewVett]

Ninja's use guns in the James Bond film, You Only Live Twice. They are, in fact, machine guns.

I love You Only Live Twice's take on ninjas, mostly because 007 is just like, yeah, you guys are impressive, but you'd be fucked in East Berlin. Even Bruce Lee realized that guns beat martial arts. I don't get the cultural obsession with ninjas...

 

[Handley_Page]

I'm sure I saw an entry in the Darwin awards for a guy who nearly castrated himself in a car.

Meanwhile, how would you deal with this:-


Posted in Bootnotes, 18th March 2013 06:00 GMT

A Pennsylvania woman whose boyfriend was keener on his Xbox than a roll in the hay faces charges of indecent exposure, simple assault, open lewdness, and harassment after allegedly assaulting the gaming aficionado, then giving pursuit naked from the waist down as he made for a nearby convenience store to call 911.

Heather Hayes, 24, of Lansford, was arrested in the early hours of 26 February outside a Turkey Hill store by an officer responding to an emergency call, who found her "standing by the trash container, nude from the waist down".

According to an affidavit of probable cause, reported here, Hayes explained to Officer Jeffrey Ohl she'd "gotten into an argument with her boyfriend, Eric Zuber, after he refused to have sex with her".

She claimed Zuber had been on the Xbox for two days with his mates, and "not paying attention to her". When Zuber declined the offer of intimacy, an argument ensued, and Hayes "began to slap and punch him about the head and back ... bit him on the left forearm, and grabbed his testicles and began to twist them", as the victim put it.

Zuber said he made good his escape when Hayes "was smashing things in the house", but she gave chase "yelling obscenities and insults". Zuber claims she followed him into the Turkey Hill, "yelling at him, and hit him with her house keys".

When asked by officer Officer Ohl why she was naked from the waist down, Hayes explained "it was because she was anticipating having sex, and that she didn't want to go upstairs and put on pants before following Zuber to the convenience store". ®

 

[Bramblethorn]

This message is hidden because chicagoninja is on your ignore list.

Funny, I don't remember adding that user.

 

[slyc_willie]

I love You Only Live Twice's take on ninjas, mostly because 007 is just like, yeah, you guys are impressive, but you'd be fucked in East Berlin. Even Bruce Lee realized that guns beat martial arts. I don't get the cultural obsession with ninjas...

The problem with ninjas is their mystique. Once it's been stripped away, they're nothing more than half-assed martial artists who can jump, swim and climb. Might as well be parkour enthusiasts in masks. They were only effective during a time in which their knowledge of simple misdirection exceeded the awareness of those they fooled.

Ninjas now are a joke. Not even Hollywood makes ninja movies anymore.