Nightmares and play?

[unsureofherself]

Hi...
apologies in advance for the following long post, but wanted to try and give as full a picture as possible in case it's relevant!

So 2 years/18months ago my husband of 9 years and I hit a really rough patch in our marriage and nearly split up over it. We went for marriage counselling which helped greatly and things have been massively on the up since

One thing to come out of the counselling was my need for something missing in our sex life, I'd discovered through a looooooooot of reading here on Lit what appealed to me (many thanks Lit community!) and for the first time ever felt I could share with my husband my desire to hand over control in our sex life.

This was a difficult time for my husband as 'dominating a woman is not what good men do' but I really admire the way he picked up the pieces and we tried to find our way again. We had a couple of really good experiences and were doing a lot of talking about what worked for us and what didn't.

Very unexpectedly I got pregnant 2 months on, which at the time wasn't the best timing, but we're very happy now to have a 3 month old. Over the pregnancy I was pretty sick and so a BDSM sex lifestyle mostly came off the menu as I just felt rough.

Last night was our first try at something new again since the birth of our daughter and wow, he's been doing some reading bondage, spanking, flogging and quite a few orgasms to boot made for a great evening and we fell asleep pleasantly worn out.

So then I go and wake at 3am with a full on nightmare he woke me up from screaming and crying in my sleep. I have nightmares fairly sporadically maybe a couple of times close together and then nothing for a year or so. Often I can pin point them to times of stress in my life - and although having a baby is stressful, I actually don't feel that's the cause here, but am not really sure what us given things feel pretty good now! My husband cuddled me til I settled but then on his falling asleep apologised if it was anything he had done. I truly don't think it is anything he has done either but don't want to be glib.

My dreams are often about loss and watching those I love being taken away whilst paralysed...e.g. being bricked up behind a wall and watching people walk away - tonight's was me watching a plane take off with my loved ones onboard whilst I am on the ground knowing it is going to explode. So yeah - sure hours of therapy waiting right there I know.

So I guess my questions are: Is this kind of reaction common? or just me? Anyone know how to not have them? If they are common, any ideas how to minimise the impact/occurrence?

Many thanks x

 

[desertslave]

Two different answers for this:

New moms frequently have nightmares of loss out of a subconscious fear for their shiny new babies. I had several with both kids, off and on, for maybe 6 months post-partum. I think it's a worry that we can't protect them or care for them enough.

When I was a shiny new sub I had frequent nightmares which were centered on a loss of control of a situation. They came in various forms but ultimately they were all about not having my way or not being listened-to and feeling excluded. Pretty easy to figure out what was going on with them.

Honestly, unless they become persistent and ruin, overall, good sleep, I wouldn't worry about them. Chances are your mind was still sorting something out and wasn't done when you went to sleep.

 

[eastern sun]

I also experienced a lot of nightmares while my children were babies, of a similar nature. I couldn't find them or save them from certain death.

I know I felt conflicted when I turned my full attention to sexual pleasures as a new mom. It alone made me feel like I would "forget" my children.

And, lest I think it was all just in my head . . . my youngest always - always - woke up and started crying the moment I abandoned myself sexually. It was uncanny.

She didn't want me to cut that psychological bond either.

 

[FurryFury]

My post has nothing to do with play at all. When we first got together my husband and I were nilla.

He had almost nightly nightmares. With soothing and love, he has gradually reduced them to being rare.

Upon "playing" (from both sides) , the nightmares did not become more frequent for him.

*hugs*

FF

 

[unsureofherself]

thanks guys... am glad I am not the only one, sounds as though it's quite a common thing for new mums to go through. Does feel a little strange to be in my mid thirties and having them - always assumed it was a kids thing!

Any can also hope that the new developments mean they happen less often! x