Nightly bedtime routines for subs

[SueJ]

To the subs:
Do you have specific bedtime routines you must follow for your Dom/Master every night (in addition to whatever else they may require on a particular night)? This could include a nightly bedtime, any bodily preparation, what to wear/not to wear to bed, mental preparation, or anything else you are responsible for at that time.

To the Doms:
Do you require that your subs adhere to a nightly routine of your choosing? What does that routine entail? Do you change your sub's routine from time to time?

Many of us have children at home and so sex/play must be reserved for after they are asleep; however, routines for other times are also most welcome.

I don't mean these questions for those who are together only on occasional nights, but rather those who are more 24/7 and have a seven-nights-a-week routine. Or if you don't currently have such a relationship, information on what past responsibilities entailed in that situation, or for Doms what you would require in future/past 24/7 relationships would be appropriate as well.

I am one who has the same, specific set of nightly responsibilities whether Master makes additional requests or not....These are considered non-negotiable "house rules" and apply every night without exception. 'Wondering how many others out there also have an imposed routine every night, in some way, and by a certain time.

Thanks for your participation!

Sue

 

[graceanne]

Well, I don't know about a routine, but I am required to go to bed when he does (if I can't sleep I can get up later), and snuggle with him if we aren't having sex that night.

 

[laurel-marie]

Well, I don't know about a routine, but I am required to go to bed when he does (if I can't sleep I can get up later), and snuggle with him if we aren't having sex that night.

Pretty much the same with me. I use the time after the kids go to bed to go over schoolwork and do housework. He is usually working untill he is ready for bed, so I am left to amuse myself till he says lights out. If he isn't on the computer working, then I am at his side. I do try to find things I can do in the same room as he is though, just to be there if he wants something.
As far as any bodily preparations...nothing not normally done(bath, shave, teeth, lotion, etc.).

 

[SueJ]

Oh, GRRRRRR!!!! I just lost my whole post when I clicked "Submit Reply" and now I don't have time to retype it all....

Grace and Laurel-marie, thanks for your replies. Going to bed at the same time certainly seems a reasonable request! I have to say though, I'm really surprised that there don't seem to be many responding with lists of Dom's demands!

I have to be in bed by 9 on weeknights, or asap if I'm working late, but always before Master. He sets my bedtime on weekends, depending on what our plans are. He loves knowing I'm ready and waiting for him, and he comes in whenever he feels like it. In the meantime, I can read or use the laptop. It's nice 'down time' for me and I enjoy the anticipation of waiting for him and wondering what's in store for me when he gets there. I have to shower and shave completely right before getting into bed, and am not allowed PJs. (On rare occasions, he will let me put them on after sex---rarely more than once every couple of weeks though. I love 'em; he hates 'em.) Master frequently assigns preparation requirements in addition to these basic "house rules". Sometimes those extras are for a single night, sometimes for a week....the time frame is up to him of course.

I can't believe nobody else has to do this but me! Maybe I should use that as cause for negotiations! lol....

sue

 

[incubus'_sub]

Sorry Sue, we don't do that sort of ritualistic thing either, but if it is the way you both choose to live then enjoy it. The only rule is that there are no rules and we are all free to do it our way.

Our view is that many of the rituals had their beginnings in fiction anyway, make little sense and to be honest become tedious & meaningless over a period of time. For us, sudden & unexpected sharp demands retain the excitement better.

 

[h_i_s]

Our routine everynight ... i must :

• go to bed when He does, or on occasion .. after He does .. but always when it is He that He specifies
• wear nothing other than His collar ... which is not the one i wear daily in public

 

[graceanne]

Well, I prefer to sleep naked, but sometimes (namely if we're gonna have sex ) K will request that I wear something in specific or leave on my clothes so that he can take them off. Actually, once I was so tired I forgot to get undressed before I went to bed, and he was all "Why are you dressed?" *shrugs* He wasn't mad, just confused, since he knows how much I hate wearing clothes. I'm a nudist at heart.

 

[Liana26]

Damn. 9? And I thought I had it bad with 11. Of course that doesn't really apply right now. Sadly me and T'll be about a thousand miles away from each other over the summer. So as of right now, it doesn't really matter what a wear to bed. But when we're together, I usually don't wear anything.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Only absolutes we have at bedtime are that I must always retire when he does...if I am not well I can request to go earlier and wait for him.....and I must be naked in bed at all times no matter the temperature or time of day. I also must remain in bed unless I seek permission to do otherwise at which point sometimes he okays it, other times he does not. If he has insomnia he usually requires me to get back up with him, though on occasion takes pity on me and lets me remain snuggled up. If he is away the naked rule still applies.

Catalina

 

[TaintedB]

I loved rituals. So did he. When you do something over and over, not only does it become a point of intense emotional closeness, but whole new worlds of experience and learning and fun and discovery open up in the repetition, worlds that are closed to those who dabble in something then impatiently move on to the next new thing. I think people who meditate or focus on one loved subject for years and years have that experience as well.

At night, before bed I had a lot of work to do. But then I had a lot of work in the mornings and during the day, as well. I went to bed when he did with almost no exceptions. The time varied, it depended on what we were doing that evening. The in-bed rituals changed over the years as conditions changed but luckily, one that remained constant was that he would sing to me a lullabye (or two) of some sort. He had a beautiful voice.

 

[curiousjen]

We don't really have rules, as such, Owen prefers for me to do things because I want to, not because I've been ordered to (not that the two are mutually exclusive but thats the way we like to play things). I do however, like many others have said, always go to bed at the same time as him, or earlier, because he likes it that way and because I need my sleep and get very grumpy without it!

One ritual we do have, is that every night before bed he will bring me my lithium and watch me take it. This dates back from when I was feeling very non compliant with my medication. He will bring me a glass of water and the tablets and smile or stroke my head as I swallow. When taking them was a very difficult thing to do, (it isn't so much anymore) it was helpful for me to feel his power being flexed as often that is the only thing i respond to: he would stand there waiting patiently but firmly until I took them, and would not move or rarely speak until I did. It was the great battle of bedtime lol. Maybe taking a couple of tablets doesn't sound like that big a deal, but to me it was a great act of submission to every night frame them on my tounge and swallow. It was an everyday admission that something was wrong with me, and I needed "fixing" to a certain extent. When I did swallow, he would often give me a treat, like some time with his cock, or my choice of music to listen to at bedtime.

In the olden days when we were both students and had a little more time and energy we would read to each other before bed- that was a ritual for a while that has fallen by the wayside somewhat I'm afraid to say. It always helped relax me and get ready for bed.

We don't normally have sex last thing at night, that usually comes earlier in the day, but I usually try and ask him just after we turn the light off, if he needs servicing in any way. Maybe a massage, maybe a lullaby, maybe (and usually) some cock worship. I often like to send him off to sleep with an orgasm, as he has a brain that works overtime and it helps him to switch the damn thing off!

Usually the cock worship gets me so turned on that once he is sound asleep I will generally finish myself off, and fall asleep straight away afterwards, maybe kissing him on the forehead first, full of thoughts of love and devotion towards the one who lies snoring next to me!

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

Our "routine" is isn't the norm.

I sit with him in the bathroom to keep him company while he takes a shower.

Then, while he gets ready, I get his keys, wallet, earplugs and safety glasses together.

He kisses me goodbye, and out the door he goes.

He works nights

Afterwards, I usually read or surf for a little bit, and go to bed.

Weekends we don't do anything special. Sometimes we don't go to bed together at all, because he is wide awake when I'm ready for bed. LOL. Shift work can be tough on a couple. You just have to roll with it to make it work.

~Anelize

 

[SueJ]

Sorry Sue, we don't do that sort of ritualistic thing either, but if it is the way you both choose to live then enjoy it. The only rule is that there are no rules and we are all free to do it our way.

Our view is that many of the rituals had their beginnings in fiction anyway, make little sense and to be honest become tedious & meaningless over a period of time. For us, sudden & unexpected sharp demands retain the excitement better.

Hi incubus'_sub. Yes, you're right that rituals can become tiring. However, in order for demands to be made (and met!), they must begin with both people present! lol... I used to get so caught up in my studio at night that I wouldn't get off to bed until way late, which annoyed Master to no end. He'd be barking at me to come in, or would be so angry that he'd ignore me. So, now at least I am there for him to give the orders to, and I'm finding I like it way more than I thought I would. We've been on this new routine for several months and tweak it from time to time. There's still plenty of room to be spontaneous once we're there! I have to say that, for sure, I wouldn't want a repetitive sex scene every night. <wink> I never know what's in store for me once he comes in.

I like rituals. I'm a very disorganized person and tend to get carried away with an artistic lifestyle, so having Master set regular tasks helps me keep my head screwed on straight and my priorities in order. I know I need the discipline of it.

 

[SueJ]

Our "routine" is isn't the norm.

I sit with him in the bathroom to keep him company while he takes a shower.

Then, while he gets ready, I get his keys, wallet, earplugs and safety glasses together.

He kisses me goodbye, and out the door he goes.................... Shift work can be tough on a couple. You just have to roll with it to make it work.

~Anelize

Anelize, I think that when couples work in shifts like that, the rituals can be extremely important in order to have any time together at all. You two seem to have worked out a ritual that allows you a little bit of special time together on a regular basis. Whatever that ritual actually involves, it says something about your committment to make that time to share. I find it very touching.

Sue

 

[SueJ]

Damn. 9? And I thought I had it bad with 11.

Liana, unfortunately, we have to get up at 5:30am....Clearly that is not by choice! lol.... So in order to have time for playtime in bed, we have to get an early start. We found that when I went to bed later, playtime wasn't happening at all, and nobody wants a cranky Master! <grin> At least if he comes in really late and I'm already there, he can't blame the late hour on ME!

Of course that doesn't really apply right now. Sadly me and T'll be about a thousand miles away from each other over the summer.

Ooooooh, sorry about your temporary separation.

 

[SueJ]

Only absolutes we have at bedtime are that I must always retire when he does...if I am not well I can request to go earlier and wait for him.....and I must be naked in bed at all times no matter the temperature or time of day. I also must remain in bed unless I seek permission to do otherwise at which point sometimes he okays it, other times he does not. If he has insomnia he usually requires me to get back up with him, though on occasion takes pity on me and lets me remain snuggled up. If he is away the naked rule still applies.

Catalina

Well, Catalina, I'm glad I'm not the only one with bedtime house rules. The "naked in bed at all times no matter the temperature" is the one that bothers me the most. I get so cold at night sometimes. I started keeping extra blankets piled at the foot of the bed on my side and pull them up before I go to sleep. That helps tremendously, but there's nothing like that snuggly feeling of warm flannel PJs wrapped around your shoulders and body on a chilly night, made all the more enjoyable by the fact that I'm so rarely permitted that privilege!

 

[incubus'_sub]

Sorry Tainted B, I don't quite get the sense in your statement that whole new worlds etc etc open up in the repetition. Certainly there are many who find comfort in established rituals, but learning, fun & discovery don't spring to my mind when I think about such things.

I hope I've been reading your posts wrongly, but I always get the feeling that you really believe that your often quoted intensity is the only way in this lifestyle. Sometimes you come across as smug & self satisfied, the only one who has ever achieved true enlightenment & that those of us who choose to follow a different path are just dabblers ignorant of the vast & deeper truths. Not so. We experiment and push each other to great heights, going forward not stagnating.

Sorry Sue, for the sidebar. As I said earlier, there are no rules and if you are happy & fulfilled by your lifestyle it doesn't matter what the rest of us do.

 

[curiousjen]

Sorry Tainted B, I don't quite get the sense in your statement that whole new worlds etc etc open up in the repetition. Certainly there are many who find comfort in established rituals, but learning, fun & discovery don't spring to my mind when I think about such things.

I hope I've been reading your posts wrongly, but I always get the feeling that you really believe that your often quoted intensity is the only way in this lifestyle. Sometimes you come across as smug & self satisfied, the only one who has ever achieved true enlightenment & that those of us who choose to follow a different path are just dabblers ignorant of the vast & deeper truths. Not so. We experiment and push each other to great heights, going forward not stagnating.

I don't like to speak for other people, so I'm not going to. But taintedB's post was helpful to me in that I think her point is valuable: and what i took away from it was that there really is scope for creativity and fun and variety within ritual. It's in the little nuances, the way the ritual changes day after day and evolves with you as people and becomes part of your relationship. Certainly in the little ritual I talked about earlier, doing it has been something me and O have laughed about and found fun in, "O the big bad tablet monster is here again" etc as well as intensly bringing us closer and being a source of joy.

Rather than being smug and self satisfied as you saw it, which i think you misread, in the past when I've commented on her posts taintedB has always seemed very open to other opinions and points of view although she has strong (and interesting) opinions IMO.

 

[incubus'_sub]

LOL, I understand the tablet routine & if I don't take the tablet the big bad monster gets ME.

Perhaps I just feel that there is a subtle difference between loving habits & commanded routines or rituals. We show that we love & care for each other by spontaneous acts, little stuff really, and of course we have regular habits too, but they are regular not regulated.

Maybe I read her wrongly, but if she's happy her way & I'm happy mine then all is well.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I get so cold at night sometimes.

LOL, somehow my feet and cold bits seem to find the warm places on his body at such times even when asleep...he soon moves me away or if feeling generous, rubs me until I warm a little.

I started keeping extra blankets piled at the foot of the bed on my side and pull them up before I go to sleep. That helps tremendously, but there's nothing like that snuggly feeling of warm flannel PJs wrapped around your shoulders and body on a chilly night, made all the more enjoyable by the fact that I'm so rarely permitted that privilege!

I do the same!! I have a couple of small blankets whch suit the purpose well...easy to pull up but not cover and overheat him, just me.

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

As to the rituals and regulated behaviour thing goes, I think it differs for many, especially those in a 24/7 relationship. I also don't think there need be competition between ritualistic behaviour and growth....they are mostly separate things for us but one no less important than the other and both showing the love and commitment we have to each other and our relationship.

Growth comes from pushing limits, trying new things, exploring, growing together.....regular habits are things we find in most long term relationships and bring about a familiarity and comfort.....regulated and ritualistic behaviour means an adherence to a certain pattern which is not primarily designed to be comfy and easy going (though it may be), but more to demonstrate there is an element of D/s maintained where one partner submits to the desires of the other in a way which may challenge and/or require a conscious effort to fulfil the required behaviour as expected, even when one of both people may not feel like it. In doing so it demonstrates the importance of the power exchange to each involved as well as setting in place methods which help maintain that particular bond...sort of a grounding which formulates a base for continuing to grow and explore.

Catalina

 

[curiousjen]

As to the rituals and regulated behaviour thing goes, I think it differs for many, especially those in a 24/7 relationship. I also don't think there need be competition between ritualistic behaviour and growth....they are mostly separate things for us but one no less important than the other and both showing the love and commitment we have to each other and our relationship.

Growth comes from pushing limits, trying new things, exploring, growing together.....regular habits are things we find in most long term relationships and bring about a familiarity and comfort.....regulated and ritualistic behaviour means an adherence to a certain pattern which is not primarily designed to be comfy and easy going (though it may be), but more to demonstrate there is an element of D/s maintained where one partner submits to the desires of the other in a way which may challenge and/or require a conscious effort to fulfil the required behaviour as expected, even when one of both people may not feel like it. In doing so it demonstrates the importance of the power exchange to each involved as well as setting in place methods which help maintain that particular bond...sort of a grounding which formulates a base for continuing to grow and explore.

You explained that so well for me Catalina, isn't it interesting when other put into words what you feel but cannot always express? Yes, I love the way our rituals reaffirm the D/s in our relationship, I like what you say about grounding, becuase sometimes they happen so naturally and are fun and joyus, yet sometimes they can be a real hard thing to do. Like i say, we don't have many rituals, but those we do I treasure, even though I don't *always* like them.

 

[Shadowsdream]

My slave has bedtime rituals that have never varied when W/we are together. I tell him when it is time to brush his teeth...he knows that he will be going to bed then whether I am going to bed or not. he turns down the bed and turns the TV in the bedroom on because I like to hold him for 10 minutes or so to wind down with the news.

he must be naked except for his chastity belt and rubber collar. In the frog position at the side of the bed. he must ask permission to come into My bed and if permitted he comes into My arms and thanks Me for allowing him to be My pet and taking him to slavery. he gets so close to Me it is almost as though he is trying to crawl inside of My body.

I hold him stroking his hair as W/we watch TV...generally within 15 to 20 minutes he is very sleepy and asks permission to turn over to go to sleep. I permit it and fall alseep with the TV on...When he wakes in the night he turns it off.

If I have decided he may not sleep in the bed he rolls out a small mattress and sleeps at My side of the bed...with his hand in Mine. Happy.

These rules are constant and have worked well as rituals for the last 5 years.

 

[SueJ]

LOL, somehow my feet and cold bits seem to find the warm places on his body

Oh, Catalina, I get in BIG TROUBLE for doing that! lol...

I loved your post about routines and how that is one ongoing way for us to express the D/s qualities of our relationships....I think you spoke for many of us.

 

[Bandit58]

Master has insomnia so we tend to go to bed late and get up late. I get His dialysis machine out of the bedroom by 9pm and set a bag of fluid on top to warm (usually takes 30-40 minutes). Then connect other two bags, prime machine and when it's ready hook Him up to it.

He is tethered to it for the next 10 hours so if He wants anything I am the one to get it. It is on a trolley so He can get to the toilet if He needs to so that is a blessing! Usually I'll check His blood sugar level around 11pm and if it's a little low I'll make Him a cuppa and a snack, and give Him His blood pressure meds. When we finally go to bed will vary depending if He is sleepy or not. Sometimes we will go together and have some play before settling at around 1-2am. Otherwise, if He sees I am really tired, He will send me to bed and stay up with the TV on and play games on the computer or log on and perv on porn or chat. He has been known to stay up all night

I sleep naked in summer but winter I wear one of His Tshirts or a nightshirt. He is usually the one with the cold feet so I will put mine on His to help warm them. If He cannot sleep sometimes He will wake me to service Him with a blowjob......sometimes that will help with the sleep other times not.

So as you can see the bedtime routines vary quite a bit in this household!