Night Hunters

[poisonpen]

I just posted a snippet from a book I'm working on if anyone would care to check it out and give me feedback. Here's a link....


http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=384681

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Hi poisonpen

I like your writing but a more rigorous edit would have picked up some snafus.

It is difficult to give you any insightful comment as you just set the - interesting - opening scene. It shows great promise as you play with the different bodily fluids and their effects on the vampiress but all will depend on how you develop from here.

There is always a danger in choosing a well-trodden path - vampires - that a writer struggles to find a new take. I think you have started well, have set up the tension between the human and the vampire well and... all is waiting for the development.

I'll get into trouble for saying it, but I think you should have gone a bit further to make sure we're suckered into wanting to know more.

Hope this helps and please post here when part 2 is posted.

 

[manyeyedhydra]

Needs a smidgeon more background to whet the appetite. I don't need to see the whole explanation of what's happening, I'm guessing that's coming later, but something to provide a hook would be good.

Vamps are a well-trodden path as elfin pointed out. Sexy vamp and sexy human sidekick out to kick ass for the forces of good isn't exactly fresh meat. It's popular though and you'll probably pick up plenty of readers.

Read okay, but there wasn't enough story there to make me eager for chapter 2.