Next: War with Venezuela? Or giving embryos the vote?

[shereads]

Excerpt from Bill Maher's New Rules, Sept. 12 05

New Rule: America must recall the president. That's what this country needs. A good, old-fashioned, California-style recall election! Complete with Gary Coleman, porno actresses and action film stars.

And just like Schwarzenegger's predecessor here in California, George Bush is now so unpopular, he must defend his job against...Russell Crowe. Because at this point, I want a leader who will throw a phone at somebody. In fact, let's have only phone throwers. Naomi Campbell can be the vice-president!

Now, I kid, but seriously, Mr. President, this job can't be fun for you anymore. There's no more money to spend. You used up all of that. You can't start another war because you also used up the army.

And now, darn the luck, the rest of your term has become the Bush family nightmare: helping poor people.



(My boldface and my grin - shereads)

Yeah, listen to your mom. The cupboard's bare, the credit card's maxed out, and no one is speaking to you: mission accomplished! Now it's time to do what you've always done best: lose interest and walk away. Like you did with your military service. And the oil company. And the baseball team. It's time. Time to move on and try the next fantasy job. How about cowboy or spaceman?!

Now, I know what you're saying. You're saying that there's so many other things that you, as president, could involve yourself in...Please don't. I know, I know, there's a lot left to do. There's a war with Venezuela, and eliminating the sales tax on yachts. Turning the space program over to the church. And Social Security to Fannie Mae. Giving embryos the vote. But, sir, none of that is going to happen now.

Why? Because you govern like Billy Joel drives. You've performed so poorly I'm surprised you haven't given yourself a medal. You're a catastrophe that walks like a man.

Herbert Hoover was a shitty president, but even he never conceded an entire metropolis to rising water and snakes.

On your watch, we've lost almost all of our allies, the surplus, four airliners, two Trade Centers, a piece of the Pentagon and the City of New Orleans...Maybe you're just not lucky!

I'm not saying you don't love this country. I'm just wondering how much worse it could be if you were on the other side. So, yes, God does speak to you, and what he's saying is, "Take a hint."

 

[lucky-E-leven]

You're a catastrophe that walks like a man.

This is an awesome line if I've ever seen one.

 

[Kassiana]

Hm. I pick war with Venezuela. It's a little less harmful than giving embryos the vote. Plus, you KNOW the little bastards are gonna want welfare subsidies, especially those who don't want to starve to death, and that'd cut into the $50 billion a year profits of the rich companies the government works for!

So yeah. Screw the kids. Go after Venezuela. What are they going to do, throw coffee beans at us?

[The above is a parody. It is only a parody. The author has nothing against Venezuela, bastards, coffee, or being given $50 billion. Void where inhibited.]

 

[lucky-E-leven]

Hm. I pick war with Venezuela. It's a little less harmful than giving embryos the vote. Plus, you KNOW the little bastards are gonna want welfare subsidies, especially those who don't want to starve to death, and that'd cut into the $50 billion a year profits of the rich companies the government works for!

So yeah. Screw the kids. Go after Venezuela. What are they going to do, throw coffee beans at us?

[The above is a parody. It is only a parody. The author has nothing against Venezuela, bastards, coffee, or being given $50 billion. Void where inhibited.]

Indeed!

 

[shereads]

This is an awesome line if I've ever seen one.

Agreed. I also like "You govern the way Billy Joel drives."

I don't know anything about Billy Joel's driving but I still appreciate the line. Has Billy Joel been in trouble for double parking? Or has he survived a string of car wrecks that killed his passengers?

 

[impressive]

Void where inhibited.

 

[lucky-E-leven]

Agreed. I also like "You govern the way Billy Joel drives."

I don't know anything about Billy Joel's driving but I still appreciate the line. Has Billy Joel been in trouble for double parking? Or has he survived a string of car wrecks that killed his passengers?

He can't stay sober long enough to get a permanent license plate each time he purchases a brand new black mercedes.

 

[glynndah]

Hm. I pick war with Venezuela. It's a little less harmful than giving embryos the vote. Plus, you KNOW the little bastards are gonna want welfare subsidies, especially those who don't want to starve to death, and that'd cut into the $50 billion a year profits of the rich companies the government works for!

So yeah. Screw the kids. Go after Venezuela. What are they going to do, throw coffee beans at us?

[The above is a parody. It is only a parody. The author has nothing against Venezuela, bastards, coffee, or being given $50 billion. Void where inhibited.]

Yeah, those cowardly Venuzuelans don't scare you any, but just wait til my cache of potential embyos manages to form their own PAC. Then, you'll be quaking in your boots!

Just be thankful Dubya wasn't watching those 1950's scifi movies. We'd be heading to Venus to rescue our fine boys from the evils of those Venusian bitches. He always did want one of them space monkeys!

Oh, wait a minute. As screwed up as he gets when he talks, maybe we are going to war with Venus!

 

[Pure]

The next fun with liberals may be

the appointment of gonzales to the Supreme Ct.

 

[shereads]

maybe we are going to war with Venus!

Venus Williams? Bad idea. The USA could bomb her to smithereens, no problem. But do we have the resources and manpower to occupy Venus while we rebuild her?

 

[Svenskaflicka]

'm not saying you don't love this country. I'm just wondering how much worse it could be if you were on the other side.

"Please, mr Bush, HATE us!!! For God's sake, will you PLEASE hate us!"

 

[TheEarl]

o, yes, God does speak to you, and what he's saying is, "Take a hint."

I'm not 100% sure I agree and don't know enough to comment, but goddamn that's an amusing line.

The Earl

 

[Kassiana]

Yeah, those cowardly Venuzuelans don't scare you any, but just wait til my cache of potential embyos manages to form their own PAC. Then, you'll be quaking in your boots!

Damned right. Regular every hour changings, a Walkman in every womb ... ::shudders::