Newbie

[WaywardandLost]

I'm sure this has been asked before but.............I've never tried BDSM but would like to try. What's some advice for getting involved in it and testing the waters. Thanks.

 

[FireKrystals]

I would say take it slowly. Don't just jump straight in. Also do some research if your unsure exactly what it is. If you jump in to quickly to BDSM it can scare you away. Also you need to think about what level of BDSM you are? What stuff you think you might like and what things are hard limits (things not to do no matter what) Also it helps to discuss with whoever your thinking of trying it out with what are some do's and don'ts. stuff you might liek to try and might not. Most importantly if you do get into it remember to safe word if needed.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

I'm sure this has been asked before but.............I've never tried BDSM but would like to try. What's some advice for getting involved in it and testing the waters. Thanks.

• Read some stories in the BDSM section here at Lit. Remember that these stories are about 98% fantasy. They're glamorized ideas of what the author(s) would *like* to occur in an ideal world.
• Read a LOT of the threads in the BDSM Library. It's indexed and organized by our Librarian, and has threads on almost any aspect of BDSM life possible, from specific activities to living a BDSM life, from part-time (bedroom only) to 24/7 TPE.
• Google "BDSM Munch, [your area]" and try to attend some munches to get to know some of the people in the BDSM culture in your area. (Check out this group of posts regarding munches and other events.)
• Read a bunch of threads here and in the Café. While the Café has many threads that are only peripherally related to the BDSM culture, threads there might also help to show you that even the evil folks who indulge in it think much like you do, and are pretty much "normal" people.
• When you've read enough to have a fair idea of where, specifically, your interests lie, then post threads asking questions about the things that may not be quite clear to you. There are some really bright, really experienced people here who are quite happy to share their experiences and wisdom.

Welcome to BDSM Talk and the Café, and I hope you find what you're looking for!

 

[secretlysubmissive]

Research, research, research

 

[MsQuote]

I'm not sure where your predilections lie in regards to Dom or sub, but you've gotten some good advice so far.

My No. 1 piece of advice is to vet out a potential partner very carefully through a lot of communication ... email, followed by phone calls, and then by in-person meetings. This is not an activity for a newbie to jump into as a hook-up or a one night stand.

Safety is an important factor. Ask about what kinds of toys and implements they use/have used in the past and how they use them. A Dom/Domme who takes BDSM seriously will know which toys and implements to use (and not use) with certain people and how to use them.

Respect and trust are key for both Dom and sub, and these things are built and earned over time.

 

[geekmaster24]

• Read some stories in the BDSM section here at Lit. Remember that these stories are about 98% fantasy. They're glamorized ideas of what the author(s) would *like* to occur in an ideal world.
• Read a LOT of the threads in the BDSM Library. It's indexed and organized by our Librarian, and has threads on almost any aspect of BDSM life possible, from specific activities to living a BDSM life, from part-time (bedroom only) to 24/7 TPE.
• Google "BDSM Munch, [your area]" and try to attend some munches to get to know some of the people in the BDSM culture in your area. (Check out this group of posts regarding munches and other events.
• Read a bunch of threads here and in the Café. While the Café has many threads that are only peripherally related to the BDSM culture, threads there might also help to show you that even the evil folks who indulge in it think much like you do, and are pretty much "normal" people.
• When you've read enough to have a fair idea of where, specifically, your interests lie, then post threads asking questions about the things that may not be quite clear to you. There are some really bright, really experienced people here who are quite happy to share their experiences and wisdom.

Welcome to BDSM Talk and the Café, and I hope you find what you're looking for!

SirWinston54 generally has some good advice in this area. Listen to him.

 

[WaywardandLost]

Thanks everybody for all of the advice. I look forward to my involvement in BDSM.

 

[subwannabe]

You didn't mention whether or not you have someone to help you or if you need to look for someone. I'd say that if you have someone already you can take it a lot faster but if you need to look for someone I say babysteps.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Do you want to be done unto, or do you want to be the doer?

Do you need a hella lot of sex, or not so much?

Do you crave pain, or do you want to relax in trust?

Does the word "Slave" make you sweat, or the word "Master"-- or neither, or both?

 

[Ellafun]

Do NOT read 50 Shades of Grey.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Reading "50 Shades of Grey" : real-life BDSM :: Watching *M*A*S*H* : going to war