Aisline2007
Virgin
- Joined
- Sep 29, 2023
- Posts
- 22
Hi there, everyone. Long time lurker, first time poster. I have been on Lit for the last 20 years or so. In that time, I've been able to read a lot of stories and figure out some things that I like, but I guess I'm still in the exploratory era. I guess the meat of my question is, what am I? And I will try to be articulate and explain myself.
I am in a sexless marriage with a man I adore, but we have issues in the bedroom. He has only ever been a vanilla guy, and he was my first, so I didn't know what I didn't know. As I began reading on here about the things I liked, I was drawn more and more into the BDSM stories. However, in those stories, some things were huge turnoffs that seemed to be part of the undertone of the culture, I guess? For instance, I am not into degradation, I want to be with a partner who respects me as an equal in our vanilla day-to-day life, but once the doors are closed and the lights are off, I enjoy the sub position.
I get off when the idea of no control over my own body is introduced, but in a safe environment. Safe words, discussions of hard limits beforehand, etc, etc. I would have to have huge amounts of trust to even attempt some of the things that I've read and liked in the abstract in a real session. I am a deep thinker who also struggles with anxiety a lot of the time, so the draw for me in a sub position is to seriously turn my brain completely off. Just go on feelings and being told what to do instead of having to think about what I want, what I need, or like, and to just kind of do as directed, if that makes sense. The idea of teaching or directing or communicating when it comes to pleasuring a partner or myself takes work, and I can't enjoy things as much. (But I don't know because I've never experienced this irl)
I respond well to the idea of a sub position in those circumstances, but not in all manners and ways of life. So does that make me a sub, or just a dabbler at being a sub? I am really trying to explore and push boundaries in my mind to try and open up a locked part of myself, but I'm a big fat chicken about most of it, and just trying to have a real conversation with someone about all this. I hope some of this made sense to someone out there. I'd enjoy a DM, but a real conversation in a DM, let's not waste each other's time.
Any helpful insights or guidance would really be appreciated. Thanks friends!
I am in a sexless marriage with a man I adore, but we have issues in the bedroom. He has only ever been a vanilla guy, and he was my first, so I didn't know what I didn't know. As I began reading on here about the things I liked, I was drawn more and more into the BDSM stories. However, in those stories, some things were huge turnoffs that seemed to be part of the undertone of the culture, I guess? For instance, I am not into degradation, I want to be with a partner who respects me as an equal in our vanilla day-to-day life, but once the doors are closed and the lights are off, I enjoy the sub position.
I get off when the idea of no control over my own body is introduced, but in a safe environment. Safe words, discussions of hard limits beforehand, etc, etc. I would have to have huge amounts of trust to even attempt some of the things that I've read and liked in the abstract in a real session. I am a deep thinker who also struggles with anxiety a lot of the time, so the draw for me in a sub position is to seriously turn my brain completely off. Just go on feelings and being told what to do instead of having to think about what I want, what I need, or like, and to just kind of do as directed, if that makes sense. The idea of teaching or directing or communicating when it comes to pleasuring a partner or myself takes work, and I can't enjoy things as much. (But I don't know because I've never experienced this irl)
I respond well to the idea of a sub position in those circumstances, but not in all manners and ways of life. So does that make me a sub, or just a dabbler at being a sub? I am really trying to explore and push boundaries in my mind to try and open up a locked part of myself, but I'm a big fat chicken about most of it, and just trying to have a real conversation with someone about all this. I hope some of this made sense to someone out there. I'd enjoy a DM, but a real conversation in a DM, let's not waste each other's time.
Any helpful insights or guidance would really be appreciated. Thanks friends!
