newbie needs advise....ladies plz help!

[shibaristudent]

Ok, my first thread, here goes..
Been married for 12 yrs, my 2nd her 1st, she was a virgin when we met. Sex was wonderful, in the begining. After 1st child, things slowed down. Now, things damn near dead. I've always been an adventurous one in the bedroom. My wife seems to close down when I introduce any ideas that stray from conventionality. My ex was a G-spot squirter (OMG I loved that shit!) current wife kicks me away if I stroke it more than twice? I try to assuage her, advising that the need to pee will pass, try to calm her, etc. to no avail, "Get outta there!" Wassup? Toys are loads of fun. From the little silver bullet to a hefty 9"x2 1/2" dildo, I've introduced several. I manually arouse her, slide the 6x1 3/4 dildo, and she gets grooving. Get everything hot & wet, groove the big boy, & BAM! She coming all over! But if she SEES me pull out the toy bag, she'll roll over & tell me, "Don't even think about it." Early on, I'd slide a digit in the anus when she was riding on top, and it was fine. Today, even breathing near her arse gets me a slap! Wattup? I feel as if I've come up against a brick wall. I see that she physically enjoys these things, but it's as if her mind has decided that its not acceptable. Old catholic teaching taking over? I don't know! I love my wife dearly, and I really want her to be popping 3/4 big "O"s a night! Any advice welcome!!

 

[Silverin]

I would advice you to talk to her, outside the bedroom.
Talk to her, ask her how she feels, tell her how you feel but make sure she doesn't feel like you are blaming her for anything.

If she doesn't like the bag of toys, then don't use it. Find other ways to have fun together. Her body might like the toys, but if her mind doesn't then it will feel very wrong afterwards. There also might be other reasons why she doesn't like them.
Remember, sex is for enjoying together, having fun, exploring, but you don't need to bring in toys and games and such at all times.

And for goodness sake, never ever compare her to your ex. They are not the same and never will be. And don't tell her "but my ex....", that is a deadly sin in any relationship.

With this in mind, go talk to her. Sit down one day you are alone and you have the time for a long "heart to heart" talk. And remember to really listen to what she is telling you.

Good luck

 

[chris9]

Talk to your wife about it. See if you both can go to marriage counselling (spelled wrong, someone correct me, please ).
I don't know when your child was born, but the new role as mother, different life circumstances, more work can make her not want sex like she did before.

On the whole your question seems to belong more in the 'How to' forum, as I don't see any BDSM stuff going on. (Might be a wrong impression.)