Newbie Author in Need of Guidance

[nudepainter39]

Hi. I'm a longtime reader but new to writing erotica. I just posted my first attempt and am hoping to get helpful feedback on that. I'd also like any tips on any helpful tools that may be on this site in the form of forums, boards, etc. Cheers,

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=430171

 

[_Lynn_]

Authors' Hangout is a great place to meet other writers, join discussions, and find threads such as Word Chain, Isolated Blurt, What's Your Mood Today, etc. You'll find the Authors' Hangout Library a good thread to check out.

Writers' Challenges and Exercises has a directory at the top. There are many interesting threads you can use as learning tools.

Editor's Forum is where you can post your own thread requesting help from one of the Volunteer Editors on Lit. There's also an Active Editor thread each month, where some of the VE's post if they are available.

That's a start. Now for your story.

Give us more of the important details. We really don't need the information on his divorce. That part does nothing for the story.

This paragraph doesn't do much. You could describe the homes, island, even the water to make us see them. Calm, clear, warm, peaceful, cabins, walls of windows, decks, steps, sandy beach, stones . . . you get the point.

The lake is very large, about 25 square miles of water and there are two islands with homes built on them that are pretty close to my place. In the mornings, I often kayak from my house over to one of those islands and paddle around the island before getting dressed and going to work.



There are several punctuation errors and typos I ran across.

The coming together happens quite fast, but this is a short piece.

I think the premise works, you just need to tighten some areas, expand on others, and fix the errors. This will come in time if you strive to improve with each piece you write.


As a first attempt though, not bad.

Just my opinion.

 

[Guest]

A few things:

I believe that one "paddles" a kayak using a double-ended paddle, not an oar.

Your punctuation in dialogue could use some work:

"That is sooo hot" she spoke softly "you're making me so fucking wet"

"It is hot" I panted, "feel it"

"Don't stop" she purred "I'm so close"

"I can't. One more touch and I'll be coming all over the place" I said between rasping breaths.

In the first three examples, you need a comma inside the closing quotes for the first part of the sentence. Also, you need a period or other punctuation mark at the end. Those aren't consistent errors throughout your story, though--maybe just a closer check on your work is all you need. You'll find a wealth of writing resources here. Or, you can get to it via the Stories Index page and clicking on "Writer's Resources."

In the final paragraphs, she goes from kneeling between his legs to (apparently) mounting his face while facing down the length of his body, all in one move. From between his legs to planting her right knee beside his right shoulder? You might want visualize the mechanics of this... unless she has legs the length of a pro basketball player, I'm not sure it's possible.

Your writing's not bad and as an erotic vignette your story works, but I felt let down by the ending... sort of a "And then they came, and so what?" feeling. Others wll probably like it more.

 

[nudepainter39]

Thanks for this very helpful input. Do people un-post, revise and repost, or am I stuck with this version!?

 

[_Lynn_]

Thanks for this very helpful input. Do people un-post, revise and repost, or am I stuck with this version!?

You can fix the story, then submit the edited version.

A Lucky Cat-edited would be the title. Follow the same submission guidelines you did for the first one. Add a note in the box telling them you're just sending in the edited story.

They will exchange your original piece for the corrected one. Any votes, PC's, etc will remain.

The last time I did that, posting took as long as a new submission.

 

[driphoney]

Authors' Hangout is a great place to meet other writers, join discussions, and find threads such as Word Chain, Isolated Blurt, What's Your Mood Today, etc. You'll find the Authors' Hangout Library a good thread to check out.

Writers' Challenges and Exercises has a directory at the top. There are many interesting threads you can use as learning tools.

Editor's Forum is where you can post your own thread requesting help from one of the Volunteer Editors on Lit. There's also an Active Editor thread each month, where some of the VE's post if they are available.

That's a start. Now for your story . . .

They should put you on the payroll around here!