new to the lifestyle, question.

[coolr]

I've read several articles, posts, books, etc. on how often experienced slaves or subs teach a fresh or new master ways of fulfulling their approriate or desired roll.

My question is this: How possible is it for a master/slave relationship to start from nothing but the each others will for it to start? Neither of us have any real experience in this type of particular lifestyle other than being extremely dominant or submissive in sexual related activities (his and hers respectively).

She completely agrees to be my slave, not sub, but slave under every condition that I've set forth for her to date just to mentally test her a bit, but at the same time I have zero experience being a real master. Any and all input (unless it's completely stupid) is and will be accepted and appreciated.


edited to add: after having a few other realizations, we have already had our own collaring ceremony and basic ground rules have been set. I personally don't see why these types of relationships can't be built from the ground up, but that's why I'm here asking in case the ones (I know you're out there) with a lot more knowledge on the subject can put some substance and wisdom to this thread.

 

[SimonBrooke]

I've read several articles, posts, books, etc. on how often experienced slaves or subs teach a fresh or new master ways of fulfulling their approriate or desired roll.

My question is this: How possible is it for a master/slave relationship to start from nothing but the each others will for it to start? Neither of us have any real experience in this type of particular lifestyle other than being extremely dominant or submissive in sexual related activities (his and hers respectively).

She completely agrees to be my slave, not sub, but slave under every condition that I've set forth for her to date just to mentally test her a bit, but at the same time I have zero experience being a real master. Any and all input (unless it's completely stupid) is and will be accepted and appreciated.


edited to add: after having a few other realizations, we have already had our own collaring ceremony and basic ground rules have been set. I personally don't see why these types of relationships can't be built from the ground up, but that's why I'm here asking in case the ones (I know you're out there) with a lot more knowledge on the subject can put some substance and wisdom to this thread.

Hey, experiment.

There are some things - safety things - which are learned from experience in the community, which it is worth taking on board. The most important of these is to be certain that there is a release protocol - a safe-word, or, if the slave/submissive is gagged, a signal which she/he can still make - which will instantly and always and automatically be respected as meaning 'stop now'. When you've explored the praxis that works for both of you you may some day come to the point where you decide that you want to try playing without a safety net, but you really shouldn't do that until you both have a lot of confidence in one another.

Like a lot of human communication this is all about sensitivity to one another and feedback and communication. Mostly, it's about non verbal communication. As a dominant, you push, and what you're deliberately doing is pushing the submissive into that space which is beyond her comfort zone but not quite into her panic zone. Remember, if she ever does use the safety protocol, it's not she who has failed - it's you who has failed, for failing to read her state, for failing to see you were pushing too far. And, also, if you ever fail to respect the safety protocol, that is almost certainly relationship over - it's a massive breach of trust.

As to what you should do, what is she squirmy about? If she's someone who's squirmy about pain, try belts or whips or floggers - not too severe at first, find out what she can take. If she's shy, take her out of doors - in places where you're REALLY unlikely to be interrupted at first. And so on. Experiment with not allowing her clothes in the house, or with keeping her tied for periods of time. Observe the things that work for BOTH of you best, and develop from there.

Every relationship is different. What works for one may not work for another. Experiment. Play.

One final thing. For some subs, part of the mystique of the dominant is that he just orders, never asks or discusses; she never knows what he plans to do with her next, is always off balance. Others need a clear understanding of what's going to happen in each session. Be sensitive to that, too.

And enjoy.

 

[bisolom]

Long time master

I've read several articles, posts, books, etc. on how often experienced slaves or subs teach a fresh or new master ways of fulfulling their approriate or desired roll.

My question is this: How possible is it for a master/slave relationship to start from nothing but the each others will for it to start? Neither of us have any real experience in this type of particular lifestyle other than being extremely dominant or submissive in sexual related activities (his and hers respectively).

She completely agrees to be my slave, not sub, but slave under every condition that I've set forth for her to date just to mentally test her a bit, but at the same time I have zero experience being a real master. Any and all input (unless it's completely stupid) is and will be accepted and appreciated.


edited to add: after having a few other realizations, we have already had our own collaring ceremony and basic ground rules have been set. I personally don't see why these types of relationships can't be built from the ground up, but that's why I'm here asking in case the ones (I know you're out there) with a lot more knowledge on the subject can put some substance and wisdom to this thread.

I can't help you on the BDSM part but as to a fulfilling master/slave relationship..some advice:

A good mster does not TAKE his slave. Also a good slave does not give her master pleasure.

A good slave gives her master love by offering herself to him. She needs to express how total her devotion to him is and she hopes that she will be a worthy gift.
A good master accepts this gift. He rewards his slave by showing her her gift is worthy. He fulfills his slave's desires by using the gift he has been given as his slave hoped...for his pleasure. He shows his love for his slave by caring for her, protecting her, and showing her that her decision to trust him with her "gift" was a good decision.
Why do this?
Love, need, freedom, and the creation of something wonderful.
Its not about sex (well maybe a little *grin*). Its about love so pure in its intensity that it burns away doubt, insecurity, jealously, and greed.

Good luck.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Good advice from SB there.

How does any new phase start? Imagine if you got married, that would be a new phase or a new beginning, a clean slate as it were. Many kinky couples use giving/receiving a collar or other significant item (perhaps a necklace symbolising a collar that can be worn in public) as a way of psychologically underlining the end of the relationship's previous ground rules and a commencement of a new order of things. Some couples sign a sub/slave contract that lays the basic rules down and if you do a quick google search for a BDSM contract, you'll get a few examples that you can tailor.

Another good idea is to google for a BDSM Checklist. You can both go through it and check off things that you'd like to try, things you'd rather not try etc. It'll give you a starting point to work from, though limits and boundaries change over time.

Start slow and build your own confidence in what you can engage in safely. Even if you go out and buy the biggest flogger you can find, it can be used with minimal force.

Master and I went into kink together as newbies so if you want to discuss anything specific, you're welcome to pm me.