New Story (Teacher-Student)

[nerdylove]

This story is Posted in the straight section because I did not add the gay male tag, so untill that solves I want some feedback to work out the other part... bad or good, both would do!


It's a slow story with not so much steamy stuff in it... but I prefer developing character first... so that readers can feel connected....

So those who like such sort of thing, please read and give your feedback ...

http://www.literotica.com/stories/me...ge=submissions

 

[robertreams]

Whew! You are badly in need of an editor! For starters, you have a word missing in the very first sentence. The first person aw shucks style doesn't work for me. This person (the narrator) is supposed to be college educated, but speaks like a junior high valley girl. Too cutsie schmootsy. A first person POV does not give the writer license to abandon all grammar. You change tenses so often I have whiplash. and you toss "ands" around as if they meant nothing. Get yourself a good editor immediately. Try writing third person POV to cure yourself of that insufferable desire to sound cute. The first rule in Strunk and White is: stay out of the story, do not put yourself in the story. That does not mean one cannot use first person POV, but there is an acceptable way to do it that doesn't run amok with the English language.

 

[Iceprincess12]

This story is Posted in the straight section because I did not add the gay male tag, so untill that solves I want some feedback to work out the other part... bad or good, both would do!


It's a slow story with not so much steamy stuff in it... but I prefer developing character first... so that readers can feel connected....

So those who like such sort of thing, please read and give your feedback ...

http://www.literotica.com/stories/me...ge=submissions

Did you take it down? I am getting an error from the link.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Did you take it down? I am getting an error from the link.

Me also. Try this one:

http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=2071383&page=submissions

My thoughts:

- Like Robert said, the English needs a lot of work. If possible, you might want to find a beta reader/editor to help with this.

- The bottom of chapter 2 says:

"I know that this story is going a bit slow but hopefully in the next chapter you are going to get some really good stuff. Keep reading and rating."

Readers are going to be very frustrated if they've read two chapters, not much has happened, and you're telling them that you don't even know for sure what's going to be in the next chapter. You don't need to post every page as soon as it's written. Hold back until you have something more than just the introduction, and then post it. The chapters you've written so far are very short; you could easily put three of those together and post as one piece.

- Since it's been posted in the wrong category, this is a good chance to get a do-over. I'd recommend just deleting the chapters you've already posted from the site, completing the story, and then posting it to Gay Male in one piece. You will probably get much better ratings than you're getting now, especially if you can fix up the English a bit.

 

[laptopwriter]

Oh wow...

I emphatically agree with everyone. You need an editor and you need to learn about tense and flow.
If I were you I'd take the story down and do some on-line studying. Learn the difference between past and present tense.

Learn to plot out the story. Character development is fine but this is an erotic site and too much character development becomes tedious and boring. Maybe start out with his first time then back track and tell the story leading up to it.

In any event, I would do some studying; there are a ton of lessons on line. I would re-think my plot line and I would go in search of an editor looking for a challenge.

In the mean time I would take down what you have so far.

 

[nerdylove]

Thank you everyone for the feedback . I am deleting the stories and will research everything first, write it down again and then get it edited properly.