New Story Reviews (volunteers welcome!)

[Guest]

Thank you Laurel for making this a sticky.

 

[Boxlicker101]

Hi guys - we were doing some reviews of our own and bumped into this thread. Well done and please keep up the great work.

Also while on feedback. I have noticed some pest has been terrorising the BDSM writers with comments and feedback that can only be described as inhuman.

Example "He should punch the bitches teeth out and send her back to her whimpy husband"

I have been reporting the stuff to the moderators as I spot it, but curious if the other genres have been getting this rubbish, or is this lunatic just staying in BDSM

Thanks.......The Pilot

That example you give sounds like a standard PC on a story in the Loving Wives Category. Readers often forgret the story is fiction and suggest what the husband of the woman in the story should do to her.

 

[RedHairedandFriendly]

As of 5:45 Indiana Time... there were 64 New Stories. I read until I had to stop because I'm going to be gone all day. I used dice to randomly pick this Saturday's stories; I also forgot I was supposed to start at the bottom of the list this week. . .I will next Sat. Please remember these reviews are only my opinion and I'm thankful we live in a place where we can do that. Public Comments were left for all these writers informing them of their mention.

New Writer - 3 submissions or less

Maybe , Maybe Not Ch. 03 by adamuneve - Incest/Taboo. 2 - I found the way the writer chose to write this story hard to follow. It was like a see-saw for your mind. I understand that was how it was meant to be, but I think it deflects from the story. It bounced too much. I got the feeling the writer and the title matched... Maybe they wanted to write Incest, Maybe they didn't. Some may like it, some may not. Like I said this is only my opinion.

Honey's Surprise by aznhoney - Erotic Couplings. 5 - This is a short and sweet story. I felt as if "Honey" was shy or perhaps it is aznhoney who is. There is a romantic quality to this story and I think readers will be like I was, disappointed there wasn't more to read. I look forward to seeing more writes from aznhoney.

Tears of An Angel by CTcat420 - Romance. 1 This is not a romance. I'm thinking Mind Control. . . NOT because of the people but because of the control that the substance abuse plays. That isn't why I rate it low either. I rate it low because it is jumbled and confusing. The writer seems to get tangled in the characters. I'm curious as to what else this writer can produce. I hope they try something without the focus on the substance use and more on the characters. The story wasn't about the people, it was about the problem.

Caught in the Act by litgal - Gay Male. 5 This story has very few errors that I could see, but I didn't look for them as well, because I was curious as to how this story was going to play out. It is detailed and I think very good for a first time writer for Lit. This is a Dom/sub Gay Male relationship of two college men. I think if you like Dom/sub Gay Male stories you'll enjoy this. It isn't soft BDSM or real hard, but a simple mix of the two.


Established Writers:

A Hot Summer Day Ch. 03 by Nighttimestories - Loving Wives. 3 This is SUCH a hard category to write in. I would have chosen Group Sex for this particular piece. This is a stroke chapter (story - I suspect). The reason I give a 3 isn't because of the category it was placed in, but there are some editing issues that deflect from it. Dialog needs to be separated from one character to the next so it doesn't run together. There is A LOT of repetitive action in this story. I think the writer needs polishing and I think after making some changes and writing more they'll weave a hot tale. Nighttimestories borders on the new writer edge for me, because they do have more than 3 submissions, but... they are recent ones.

The Hitch Hiker: Alice 02 by Just Plain Bob - Erotic Couplings. 1 I've no clue what to think of this story. I've said before when I read a chapter that is pulled from a series it needs to be able to draw me into the next chapter or want me to go back and read the ones I missed. This had me scratching my head and wondering... huh? I don't think reading the first chapter would have changed my rating either. There are edit issues that deflect somewhat, but the story itself is so far-fetched I can't give it anything but a 1. I won't give a zero to anyone, because it takes guts to leave your Public Comment option on as well as just submit a story for others to read.

Lucy Goes Down Ch. 01 by jack_straw - NonConsent/Reluctance. 5 I found this to be a well written and well told story about an old concept, but who cares. It was good. A lot better than some I have read. If you DO NOT like cheating wives, or women turning tricks, then stay away from this story. It is a steamy read and I recommend it if you don't have issues with the above things.

Happy Mother's Day by SpankMeDaddy - Romance. 5 With a title like that and the category it fell under how could it not be romantic and yes... sweet. I guess that was the agenda today for me. Sweet and softly written works. I would take a Mother's Day like this, spent with my husband... but I think I would have to break down and be with the kid's too... I have a feeling that this couple would have eventually come out of the bedroom, too. Great read.



Reviewers' Stories this week: If I missed someone please let me know and I will review it if they like. It isn't intentional, but just an oversight.

A Slave of His Desire Ch. 11 by Daniellekitten - Sci-Fi/Fantasy. 5 - Another fabulous read. I don't have a clue why anyone in their right mind wouldn't enjoy this.

The Roof by SelenaKittyn - Erotic Couplings. 5 Placing this in Romance would work great too. This was a sweet and soft story and I longed for more, but if more went on the focus would be lost. It reads like a soft poem and I enjoyed it very much.

I won't review my own, feel free if you wish. Alex's Lesson Ch. 04 Erotic Couplings.

 

[FallingToFly]

Red, I'll review yours today sometime....

 

[wildwildbest]

thank you much

Thank you for the review of Wild Wild Mess Pt 2 though thanks to some comments I have submitted edits and two additional parts.

I should have just edited my last comment, but oh well..

How to Pick Up Chicks in 14 Departments
TxRad
*clears throat* I think I may have actually overheard my husband giving a similar spiel to this one to my younger brother. *grins* Very much a guy's perspective- here's the way it is, I'm only going to tell you once, so you better listen good. I found it highly amusing, as did everyone else apparently. I will say that if you are a *goes ahead and shoots self in foot to save anyone else the trouble* very feminine woman, who doesn't understand how the male mind usually works, you may have trouble following this. I know my stepmother wouldn't understand it. But, if you have a little bit of tomboy in you, or just hang out with the guys enough to be treated as one of them, you'll completely get it. It's a great pick me up. (no punnage intended)

The Wild, Wild Mess..
wildwildbest
Interracial Love
This was amusing, in a lot of ways. I have a feeling that it would have been a hell of a lot funnier if I had read the first chapter, but this was definitely worth the read. Two short Lit pages, an da few technical errors, but the writing is fast-paced, witty, and really engaging. Plenty of UST (unresolved sexual tension) and it's working its way towards a good first encounter. A solidly amusing read for those who like satirical and witty romance with plenty of sparks.

Seasons of the Heart: Fall Ch. 1
yourlittledominatrix
Very short and sweet intro to the start of a romance between a college student and her professor. I'm going to keep an eye on it, and see where it goes. I would have personally preferred a little more detail to both the characters, and the atmosphere, but it's good writing, with very few sticking points and a very nice flow.

Not Perfect Wives
ainu
I don't know whetehr I liked this story or not. It's... cynical? Yeah, cynical, but the way it's told is interesting, and well done. I was also left torn between wanting to give the poor guy a hug and smacking him with something heavy. Then again, that is the point, right? To stir a reaction? If so... very well done.

 

[Darkniciad]

Rain by d4rk4ngel~Non-Erotic

The title and description to this one just caught my eye for some reason, and the fact it is in the Non-Erotic cat which doesn't really get a lot of attention prompted me to give it a read.

The characters are set up well, and you don't even actually meet the second until the final lines of the story. The main character's thoughts about him give a pretty good idea of what he's all about before he ever answers the door.

He reminds me a bit of me, and that has no small influence on how the story resonates with me.

The story is a nice opening that I could see leading into any number of stories. Is this finally the one who will break her pattern of disasters, or is this yet another horror story waiting to happen and dash her hopes and dreams on the rocks again?

It's a good read, and a short one that you can squeeze in to a busy schedule, that I would certainly like to see continued. I gave it a 5.

 

[Black Tulip]

I've nothing to add, but I want to keep informed.

 

[Guest]

In an effort to keep this thread clear....

.... Please remember to use this thread only for the actual reviews of the stories of the day... if you wish to comment upon a review please post HERE

Thank you all for your cooperation.

 

[3113]

Caught in the Act by litgal - Gay Male. 5 This story has very few errors that I could see, but I didn't look for them as well, because I was curious as to how this story was going to play out. It is detailed and I think very good for a first time writer for Lit. This is a Dom/sub Gay Male relationship of two college men. I think if you like Dom/sub Gay Male stories you'll enjoy this. It isn't soft BDSM or real hard, but a simple mix of the two.

I was far less enamored by this story than you were--and I'm afraid I'm far less generous even if the person is first time (I saw several errors in regards to names at the beginning, by the way).

The problem, however, was that it had that clash of real vs. unreal. Personally, I can go with a wildly fantastic senario--most erotica is fantasy. But the more a writer attempts to give a story reality, the more he makes the fantastic aspects unbelievable. This writer spends a lot of time with almost clinical (another problem) descriptions of what the character is going through. The click of and cold of handcuffs, the pull of pubic hair, etc, etc. Very nice IF the other aspects of the story support that reality.

But the premis is rather iffy. Guy gives slumbering/drunk roomie a blow-job, gets caught on camera and then roomie threatens to show it to the police unless guy submits to "punishment" by which roomie claims he will be "cured" of his unheathy obsession with bondage. Both guy are convinced, by the way, that said video will lead to jail, etc. I'm not so sure--a good lawyer could probably get him off with a slap on the wrist.

One-too-many-things to believe before breakfast there--which I might have bought if there was less emphasis on all the tiny little details. But once you start on tiny little details, I can't ignore the big holes. Likewise, I couldn't ignore the rather cold and erotic-less descriptions. I think the writer has promise--but this story, in and of itself, lacked heat.

 

[Guest]

Montana Summer Ch. 11
Drksideofthemoon

This is the next chapter in the epic saga of Montana Ranchers. In the Incest Category, the feelings and descriptions that the author uses are such that you don't really notice the relationship factor between the participants until the author wants you to. He has done such a wonderful job on description and visuals that it almost takes you to the ranch in Montana. Well worth the time to read, as all his other readers will tell you also. He got a five from me.

 

[Guest]

Another new one...

Home By The Sea
Darkniciad

This author writes a scary tale that still has enough eroticism in it to make it hot. It gave me nightmares the first time I read it, reminding me of stories an aunt used to scare me with when I was a child. Interesting and fast paced enough to keep the attention, it's a good first erotic horror story. A five from me.

 

[RedHairedandFriendly]

A Sunday morning review - to help out.

Confessions of an Online Predator 03The Style Guy - Erotic Couplings - 5 - Don't read it if you don't like cheating husbands - This is a hot, steamy, story. I enjoy this writers concept on online dating.


Three to Tango Goldeniangel - Loving Wives - 4 - I found this enjoyable, but to short. I would have liked to have seen more action and more detail. It seemed rush and quickly put together, but that isn't bad. The story line has good potential, I just think there could have been more. It still is a nice read.

 

[Guest]

My take on two stories...
The Size Difference
H20wader

Wow, this one is difficult. I usually enjoy his stories but this one seemed more cynical then most. It is different from most of the loving wives stories I've read and the plot line flows well, besides a few difficulties in names, it is interesting. But as I said, the cynicism seems to control the peice as if written by someone with a real hatred for women and the idea that we are all the same. I gave it a four.

Mother Goose: The Queen of Hearts
Selenakittyn

Another in her wonderful series of fairytale makeovers. I have to admit I look forward to these stories and enjoy them tremendously. Selena is a wonderful writer with a very imaginative way of putting her thoughts to word. And painting Mother Goose as a madam in thigh high fishnets and pegnoirs is about very imaginative. Wonderful work, can't wait for the next installment. I gave it a five.



More to come.

 

[RedHairedandFriendly]

Adding another... Hi Danielle

This AfternoonCQ80 - Group Sex - 5. Public comment is off, but an email was sent informing CQ of the mention. I enjoyed this story. Detailed and slow enough that you could see and feel what was happening. Very well done and in 1st and 2nd POV. A great read in my opinion.

 

[Guest]

Hey Red, How's Tricks?

Your Welcome Home
RedHairedand Friendly

And may I say...hot! This is more of a sensory impact story than an actual read along tale. It takes your senses on a ride of delight from the first sentence. The visuals were lovely and romantic, sensuality in the extreme from the scent of the candles to the feel thick hair in the fingers. I gave it a five.

Orc Lore
Goldeniangel

A quick read, about one Lit page long. If you are into the nonhuman scene, it's an interesting story and erotic. A good stroke story with not much storyline mucking up the works. Written as only Angel can write them, I enjoyed the quick tale. I gave it a 5.

 

[RedHairedandFriendly]

Not bad... Thanks for the review. (I was nervous about that story)

Jody's Gift by MDF251 - Erotic Couplings - 5 - This is a nice opening to what I hope is a continuing story of two neighbors. A bit of sexual innuedo and tension, but a great read none the less, in my opinion.

 

[BlackSnake]

Love Affairs
by BlackSnake
Loving Wives
Rating: 2. Completely disjointed and very confusing. It didn't make anysense, to me, or apparently to anyone who read it.

http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=254538

I really didn't know if anyone was responding to these reviews or not. Your comment here is a retake of one of the public comments list by Anonymous. I'm guessing that it was you. I expected the types of comments from readers of the Loving Wives category. I found it to be the very nature of that nest of incestuous vipers.

If this is your own review of my story instead of what someone else's opinion, then I have to say that it is one very sorry asses review. You did say why you thought the story was "Completely disjointed" or what made it "very confusing." It seemed like you just jumped on the bandwagon as is so common it these threads when it comes to trashing someone.

I think this is very cheap and poorly done. How about trying it again, and without trying to base the entire assessment off a simple typo? Intelligent readers derive meanings from the context, and are too smart to be thrown by a simple typo. Here, I point it out there for you, so then you can try to do a little better with your reviews.

She could tell that Rayford was asleep by the sawing of his snoring. She slipped from the bed and covered her neglected naked boy with her housecoat. She removed the one sock from his foot that he failed to take off before passing out.

I also noticed that you started by pointing out the rating of the stories. Was this so that no one would object to you trashing the story?

I think, if you are going to review stories, it should be based on your opinion after you have read it instead of the bias of your peers.

I'm sure you didn't think that I was going to just let something like this go, did you? Not even...

Now,

Love Affairs is a story about a woman's suffering. Like so many women, she puts up with it, suffering the emotional abuse. She tries to fight back by sleeping with the border they have staying in their basement, but she quickly learns that it was a mistake. She realizes that the only cock that she could count on is the one she keeps in her drawer. She tries to prevent some of her suffering by kicking the border out, but she is over ruled by her husband. She knows she has to leave, but before she does she hands over pictures to the husband of the woman her husband was having the affair with.

Of all the comments that were posted, only one showed that he actually read the story. Wow, a story you actually have to read. The poster understood that he had to feel in the missing pieces.

You won't be spoon feed this story.

Because the story is about a woman being emotionally abused, the readers in the Loving Wives category would trash it, but this is a review and I think it is very unfair and incomplete.

 

[Guest]

I loved it, very very visual, Red.

Love Affairs
Blacksnake

Due to the post above this one, I went back to the story to see what I thought of it myself. I'm sorry, BlackSnake, but I agree, the writing was disjointed, though the typos that I found didn't bother me. I do read for content and not word. The effect of having 92% of every sentence start with the word "She" was a little irritating and took away from what could possibly have been a good premise. It was hard to follow as the story jumped from place to place without a plausible explanation. I didn't score it as low as a 2 though. I gave it a three. And this is in no way influenced by whatever anyone else could have said as you turned off your personal comments. This is my honest opinion about what I read.

 

[BlackSnake]

Love Affairs
Blacksnake

Due to the post above this one, I went back to the story to see what I thought of it myself. I'm sorry, BlackSnake, but I agree, the writing was disjointed, though the typos that I found didn't bother me. I do read for content and not word. The effect of having 92% of every sentence start with the word "She" was a little irritating and took away from what could possibly have been a good premise. It was hard to follow as the story jumped from place to place without a plausible explanation. I didn't score it as low as a 2 though. I gave it a three. And this is in no way influenced by whatever anyone else could have said as you turned off your personal comments. This is my honest opinion about what I read.

Hopefully others will understand that their posts are being read. Here, Daniellekitten stated what she/he did not like about the story. Reviews that are more complete may give readers an idea what the reviewer liked or disliked about the story.

Daniellekitten, I appreciate your honest opinion, and thank you for reading the story.

 

[CQ80]

re: This Afternoon

This AfternoonCQ80 - Group Sex - 5. Public comment is off, but an email was sent informing CQ of the mention. I enjoyed this story. Detailed and slow enough that you could see and feel what was happening. Very well done and in 1st and 2nd POV. A great read in my opinion.

thank you!!!! Maybe this mention is why I'm getting so much feedback. I appreciate the kind words
Carly

 

[Guest]

.... Please remember to use this thread only for the actual reviews of the stories of the day... if you wish to comment upon a review please post HERE

Thank you all for your cooperation.

Please post comments to the other thread so that the reviews will be easier to find on this one. Thank you for your consideration and efforts.

 

[Guest]

One Good Man Ch.01
Temptanddestroy

A short chapter story, not even a Lit page long that starts the tale of a woman who I think will be a spy of some kind, chasing after a man and his family. It was a little confusing but maybe it's me and not the story. The writing is okay and the author sets up the story well, leading towards the next chapter. It's not exactly my taste in literature but I gave it a 4 for imagination and writing skills.



Just One Day
Einsam

I've never read too much bdsm and wasn't sure what to expect when I read this story. The author did a wonderful job of writing in the first person, a pov I usually try to avoid since my own disastorous attempts. It was short, one Lit page, but the sex was erotic and descriptive, and the visuals well done. If this is what you enjoy, this was a good read. I gave it a five.

 

[Guest]

The Promotion
Nighttimestories

This review is difficult for me. I didn't like the story mostly because it was very unrealistic, but then again, so are 16" cocks. The author writes like many new authors do, with a lot of I said then she said, which keeps the story from flowing with any continuity. The sex scenes were okay. As an author the only thing I would tell this author is to not give up and keep trying, practice makes perfect. I gave it a three.




Married Couples and Fantasies?
Robert12

While the author did a wonderful job of writing this story, it jumps from fantasy to reality to fantasy a few too many times without the reader knowing which was which for sure. This may have been his idea when he wrote the story, I'm not sure. The sex is erotic but I can't tell if it's fantasy or reality when she's having it. Only a Lit page long and in the Loving Wives section, I'm sure it'll get read. I gave it a four.

Okay, more later, have to go and work on my own scribblings now.

 

[Guest]

Candy
SexyIsabelle

A very nice story of two people who become lovers for the pleasure they can give each other and nothing more. Once again, short, one page long, it was an erotic ride along a riverbank as well as mentioning a couple of very good old movies. Written well, the style makes it easy to read and enjoy. A May/December romance worth reading. I gave it a five.

 

[Guest]

One more for you...

The Second Time Around
DG Hear

A story written with DG's flare for the romantic. Interesting and sweet with a touch of the adorable. DG always manages to bring his characters to life and can add just the right amount of violence, sex and storyline to keep it interesting. I gave it a five.



A Daisy A Day
Ronnie Wachuka

Call me a sap but this story had tears in my eyes and rolling down my cheeks. Ronnie manages to portray all the love in a man's long life in this page long story. A wonderful story that deserves a lot of praise. It's a story everyone should read. A definite five.