New story and a question...

[DirtyJJ]

Hi everyone...
I had my first story approved and posted a couple of weeks ago, and what a great feeling! I have received some pretty positive and encouraging feedback. I would appreciate any and all critiques of the story, so please check it out here:

Under the Desk

Also, I just finished my second story and while I need to polish it up, I have a question about categorization: in general the story is under the "Erotic Couplings" category, but it includes some very light BSDM and a very slight bit of Non-Consent (though it is one of those "he knows she really wants it" situations - she is actually just doubting and resisting a bit). What do you do in that case? If the majority of it deals with erotic couplings, is it appropriate to choose that category even though some of the other elements are there? I know it would help if you were to read the story, but I thought I would just pose this question in general here first.

Finally - I'd like a volunteer editor to read my second story. Any takers?

Thanks in advance!

 

[Pure]

I gave it a quick read. It's well written and hot. "You" stories often don't work, and are rare in published good erotica.

My only complaint is that occasionally you do say "You think..."
Also, "You see..." I don't think the latter is possible, depending on the desk, where she is, etc. You can rephrase, such as "I imagine youre thinking about...." "You probably see her coming..."
What she infers, guesses, imagines, etc. should be clearly distinguished from what her five senses are telling her.

I would be willing to help on a moderate sized ms. PM me if interested. Either your writing is good to begin with or it's well edited in this story, with those lapses mentioned. BTW you know you can submit a corrected story at any point. Just label it as a corrected version of...

Best,
J.

PS where two categories are possible, you get to choose, subject to being overruled by the Powers at Lit. But, even if the Powers give you a free hand, keep readers in mind, as to their expectations. For instance gay male sex and bdsm is not expected in bdsm, so the gay area is a better bet. You can, of course, warn readers of unusual combos, at the beginning. In a romance story, e.g., say "warning; has bdsm elements"

 

[DirtyJJ]

Thank you Pure - I'm glad you liked the story. I realized that I did take some liberties when saying "you think" or "you see", because obviously if I am writing the story from my first-person point of view I can't really know these things. So I was sort of writing it from an impossible "all knowing" first person view. I will consider editing it and resubmitting it. I did not have an editor go through it the first time; I contacted a volunteer editor but did not hear back from him so I just decided to submit it. However, my second story is longer and more complex so I would definitely like to have someone look at it. I will send you a pm when it is ready. The first story was hot, but this one is even quite a bit hotter, in my opinion.

Thanks also for the help on the categorization question... I think the second story is probably 80% "Erotic Couplings" with a very small element of BSDM, and maybe some non-consent - but that is even debatable. I will run that question by you or whomever edits my next story.

JJ