New Really Good Story

[Det Crews]

Check out a story called Curiosity. I think it's pretty good.

 

[mannydcamp]

Story

I couldnt find it?

 

[Det Crews]

My First Story For Lit

Here it is...hope you like it

 

[mannydcamp]

Story

Your story reads well but hard for me to judge it because the subject isnt one I am interested in.

Good luck


Jackie

 

[sexyspiders]

your story is amazing. it isnt the type of thing i would usually read, but i got into it quickly.

it was well written and i like how u dealt with the time phases. my first thot wen i realised wat u wer gonna do was " oh no, this is gonna get confusing" but it didnt.

i liked the way you didnt use the names in the "past" scenes until you had introduced them in the "present", i think thats wat made it easy to follow. we couldnt figure out wat all was happening until it fell into place at the end.

well done, hope there's loads more to follow.

spiders >( '.' )<

 

[Det Crews]

Thanks

Thanks for the crit, Spider. I'm just kinda getting my feet wet in writing erotica and didn't know if it was too much. I'm working on a much tamer story now. Would like to read some of your work if you have some posted

 

[Joe Wordsworth]

Your story brought out images of color, so you use language really well. But, personally, I felt nothing for the characters or what was going on. I got a few paragraphs in and got...

...well, sorta bored.

Of course, I'm a big fan of river-flow stories that take you on the ride, so I may not be the best advice for the "slow burn".

 

[dr_mabeuse]

The link still doesn't work for me.

---dr.M.

 

[xXxGothWhorexXx]

Twas a good story, and I enjoyed reading it, although it really isn't a topic that I'd regularly read I thought it was good.

Good use of language, well done.
I wish you luck on your next stories, may they be as well written as that one was.

 

[rlb1965]

loved it

i very much enjoyed your story i will look forward to more.

 

[sexyspiders]

Re: Thanks

Thanks for the crit, Spider. I'm just kinda getting my feet wet in writing erotica and didn't know if it was too much. I'm working on a much tamer story now. Would like to read some of your work if you have some posted

heres my links, hope u like them. iv got another, more controversal one on the way.

spiders >( ' . ' )<

http://www.literotica.com:81/stories/showstory.php?id=140762

http://www.literotica.com:81/stories/showstory.php?id=106323