New Mistress needs advice

[Oakdew]

Ok, I'm new at this. I found a man that wants to please me, to dress me up in leather and have him submit to me.

I love the thought of this man serving me ... but how can i be sure to hold his interest?

I know I can use a strap on and make him my bitch

and I plan to have him watch me with antother man (and feed him sloppy seconds)

but how can i make him EARN the privledge of touching me?

how hard is too hard when i hit him with the crop?

I'm looking for imaginative ways to turn this man on ... within our new game.

Any suggestions are welcome.

 

[shelleb4]

come on all you experts, help the woman out here, then i can pilfer the ideas!

 

[Pure]

Just my deranged pov:

I love the thought of this man serving me ... but how can i be sure to hold his interest?

By showing (not pretending) you don't care if he remains interested; or if he comes or goes.

I know I can use a strap on and make him my bitch

Good, if that's what you want.

and I plan to have him watch me with antother man (and feed him sloppy seconds)

Sounds like you like to degrade.

but how can i make him EARN the privlege of touching me?

let him clean up your pussy and asshole after the others for a few weeks.

how hard is too hard when i hit him with the crop?

if the bleeding won't stop, and/or he has to go to emerg. if the wounds don't heal within a couple weeks.

I'm looking for imaginative ways to turn this man on ... within our new game.

Wait a minute, who's working for who around here? What turns YOU on? Do YOU like to degrade, inflict pain, etc. (Or do you want to hear, "oh, you're doing it just right, there's a tip in it, for you"?)

Further, when he IS turned on, plan to use it against him, like have him fuck a cantaloupe and eat it.

IF YOU get off on establishing dominance, have him drink a cup of your first morning's piss for a week or so. and if that's a turn on, have him jack off into the cup before drinking it.

----
Just ideas. If you want the hearts flowers and poetry approach, some others will fill you in.

Best,
J.

 

[Netzach]

well, I guess we know what turns Pure on. I have to steal that canteloupe idea.

My take on it, surely there are things you'd like done around the house that have not gotten done.

Or maybe he's got a really annoying habit that makes you nuts.

Or maybe you want long full body massages that don't end in fucking.

Make it happen, sister. Witholding of sex, strategically, is the best way to make anything happen. If you want to have sex, conversely, figure out reasons to make it exactly how you want it for as long as you want it, or if you like watching him/making him cum, make him do it so many times no one can stand it any more.

It's all about grandiosity!


re: damage with a riding crop, very very fucking hard is too hard. And don't hit vital statistics (nuts really hard, kidneys, face, joints)

Ass and thighs can get very striped and bruised before anyone needs to worry on most healthy adults.

 

[bound]

It's moments like these that i thank God i don't have a penis.

 

[Hot4Heels]

I can answer number two. Find what makes him tick and use it to your advantage. This means provide him what he wants. If he wants being denied what he wants provide that. There must be the carrot in front of the mule to keep him plowing. Be sure to communicate so you both know what each one needs.

A dominant may have the ability of meeting needs but a sub has the option of taking those needs elsewhere. So basically keep each other happy. If your needs over rule his even though you are dominant it will eventually sour.

 

[Pure]

Hey, partnerships for those who want them.

You made a statement in favor of partnership, Hot,

If your needs over rule his even though you are dominant it will eventually sour.


mine would be

[Hot, revised] "If your needs do NOT overrule his, then you are not dominant, but a fetish partner; if he wants that even setup he'll stay, but if he has to be made to submit (controlled, directed, etc.) then things will go sour.

Hot said, "A dominant may have the ability of meeting needs but a sub has the option of taking those needs elsewhere. "

It depends on age, sex, gender, attractivenes, magnetism, etc. IF you read these threads, however, like the current one on aggressive pursuit, you'll see that many subs, esp. male, have few options.

And that should be used to your advantage.... in a number of useful ways, as Netzach said; and degrading ways (if you like), as I mentioned.

 

[Oakdew]

Interesting thoughts

I like the cantelope idea ... not quite sure about the morning piss one. I'm not ready for that yet ...

Ok, my desire is to have him want me so much, he can't think of anything else, that he feels an absolutely overwhelming urge to have me. I want to tease him mercilessly ...

He likes to be dominated. He loves it when i pull on his nipples ... he wants me to whip him and to spread his ass with my strapon.

He's got a harley, and he's going to buy me a black leather jacket and thigh high leather boots - 5" heels (we both love the feel/ smell, sound, taste of leather). Our next plans are to go riding, and to a biker bar, where he can watch me flirt with other men/women.

We don't live together and our work schedules are such that we can't see each other more than about once a month. But like it was said, direct communication about these issues goes a long way in speeding up the process of discovery.

God this boy turns me on. Remember the song by Cheap Trick "I want you to want me" We danced to that last night, sure fit the mood. Does anyone else find this stuff addicting?

 

[Scarlett_t2]

Everyone is different and every Dom/Domme is different...and an important rule to remember is that is OK. I read everything I could get my hands on...I was very lucky to find a good mentor and asked question after question. Then I decided what was right for myself....not anyone else...I went with my feelings to see what worked for us. It took me awile to get the thought out of my head I had to be a certain way...to follow some unspoken rules to be a good Domme. Now that I have let that thought go my journey has been nothing but great. I am relaxed and contented and enjoy exploring all the wicked thoughts within my head. How and what you do is only up to you, and your sub, you will know what makes you both happy.
Hope your journey is a great one.
Scarlett

 

[s'lara]

Yes, it is addicting isn't it?

While you find the rush in this person wanting to please you, there is a similar and nearly beatific rush in wanting to please another. Good stuff all around.

Pure had some good ideas and i guess the goal is to make sure you are pleased. That's the point isn't it? One thing, if it is about sexual domination, try to remember that is where he might like to keep his submissive tendencies. Have a good, long talk with him in terms of where you'd like to go (you mentioned some degradation) and whether he can handle some of the things you have in mind. If the submission is sexually based, you may want to keep those ideas out of your non-sexual interactions with him. Good luck.

lara

 

[shelleb4]

Oh he has a........ H a r l e y?

Go take your bike license in private, if you dont allready have one, then make him ride pillion!

Deny him sex, but indulge yourself. Get someone in to do the job he cant. In front of him, but subdude by careful restraint so that he cannot escape.

 

[Oakdew]

Getting wetter just thinking about it

shelleb4: ooh, babe, i love your ideas. Wouldn't that just be awesome, make him ride behind ME? heh!

> Deny him sex, but indulge yourself. Get > someone in to do the job he cant. In
> front of him, but subdude by careful >restraint so that he cannot escape.

I have made arrangements with another young man, explained that I am going to use him to tease my sub, and that he is going to f u ck the heck out of me while my sub is tied to the chair ... and can't do a damn thing. The power is exhilirating!

 

[Vixandra]

Have him get his nipples pierced (by a professional) and require him to wear them thought his days at work.
That is unless he's in a job where itmight actually hurt him like construction, firefighting, emt'ing, that sort of thing. Wouldn't want to be heaving a fat person over your shoulder to save them and then later explain to the EMT's on scene why your chest is bleeding.

I really like that cantilope idea!
Anal plugs during the day could also be a nice reminder of who/what he is- that he is always peirced by what is yours.
I know the Library here and the How To's Blank Manual have a few threads on that.

 

[RavenSpirit2k4]

come on all you experts, help the woman out here, then i can pilfer the ideas!

My thoughts exactly.

Different subs have different kinks. The guy who was applying to be my sub last night was very into denial, such as sexually serving me everyday while in a chastity device for a week. Another I know is deeply into humiliation. But both desperately want to be owned, it seems.

So the only advice I can offer is to try to find out what his particular turn-ons are. Pain? Humiliation? Feminization? Denial? It might be any of those or others, in any combinations.

 

[RavenSpirit2k4]

It's moments like these that i thank God i don't have a penis.

That won't save you, sweetie. Some of us practice pussy torture too.

 

[Oakdew]

quote:Originally posted by bound
It's moments like these that i thank God i don't have a penis.



That won't save you, sweetie. Some of us practice pussy torture too.


There's always the cucumber ... instead of the melon!

 

[bound]

quote:Originally posted by bound
It's moments like these that i thank God i don't have a penis.



That won't save you, sweetie. Some of us practice pussy torture too.


There's always the cucumber ... instead of the melon!

 

[Pure]

PS said,

//So the only advice I can offer is to try to find out what his particular turn-ons are. Pain? Humiliation? Feminization? Denial? It might be any of those or others, in any combinations.//

Wait a min., who's serving who, here? Unless you plan to be a pro working for hard cash, I don't think these issues are central.

My opinion.

I know there are very different 'philosophies' around.

PS: Oak,

Personally I recommend a fat sausage that the bottom can cook up and eat after. (Not original; tnx Linda J.)

 

[RavenSpirit2k4]

My point, Pure, was to for then to find their compatible kinks. It's not all about the dom/me or all about the sub, but both. Or at least not for most of us. And she asked how to hold his interest.

 

[Netzach]

PS said,

Wait a min., who's serving who, here? Unless you plan to be a pro working for hard cash, I don't think these issues are central.

My opinion.

They are central though.

Whether you decide to indulge them or not has to be up to you, there has to be no sense of expectation on that level, but they are the best leverage you will ever have by FAR.

It's either Guy Baldwin or Joseph Bean who coined this excellent phrase that the top "Seduces the consent" of the bottom.

I've found the chocolate to be much more effective than the hammer in my arsenal.

 

[D's mariposa]

Chocolate?

perk

Yes, chocolate can be a good tool..

 

[alonelygal]

Oh he has a........ H a r l e y?

Go take your bike license in private, if you dont allready have one, then make him ride pillion!

i have something constructive to add, i love it when this happens. The Man i'm seeing has a Harley...God almightly i looove that Bike...

Anyway...He calls my seat the bitch seat. So, riding behind Him He calls riding bitch. i love the idea of you having your boy ride behind you, Oak. May i suggest giving him a suitable pet name to go with the event...your biker bitch.

Especially humiliating, seeing as how it's his Bike.

 

[Pure]

Hi N,

Originally posted by Pure
Pagan S said,


//So the only advice I can offer is to try to find out what his particular turn-ons are. Pain? Humiliation? Feminization? Denial? It might be any of those or others, in any combinations.//


Pure replied:
"Wait a min., who's serving who, here? Unless you plan to be a pro working for hard cash, I don't think these issues are central.

My opinion."


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Netzach responding to pure:

They are central though.

Whether you decide to indulge them or not has to be up to you, there has to be no sense of expectation on that level, but they are the best leverage you will ever have by FAR.

It's either Guy Baldwin or Joseph Bean who coined this excellent phrase that the top "Seduces the consent" of the bottom.

I've found the chocolate to be much more effective than the hammer in my arsenal.
-----

I have no problem with this way of putting it, but note that it's not the same as Pagans statement:

P: My point, Pure, was to for then to find their compatible kinks. It's not all about the dom/me or all about the sub, but both.
-----

I reply to N (and indirectly to PS). Finding compatible kinks and doing a swap or exchange, is a quid pro quo situation. There would definitely be an expectation, after all, "I'm doing what you like so it's up to you to be doing what I like."

But, if the bottom's taste are, as you say, to be used for 'leverage,' that is a different matter than simple indulgence, or indulgence expecting return indulgence.

To take an example, oak, finding that pain is a turn on, inflicts it to help this bottom guy come, and (supposedly) this makes him was to hang around. She kinda likes the whipping (let's suppose) so she's gotten her 'complementary kink' satisfied.

I call this a sort of mutal fetish scene, like where one is the dr., and the other the patient.

OTOH, if she inflicts pain so he gets it up and has to shove it into a piece of raw liver one of his male friends is holding, that is indeed 'leverage' as well as control of the scene. Alternatively, once 'up', he's to fuck his sister.

The point then is to use the 'kinks'--sources of pleasure-- to one's own ends. If that's what you means by using 'chocolate' we're on the same page. I have no idea if this is 'seduction by consent', or if it's, in my phrase, 'control achieved through access to the levers of pain and pleasure.'

 

[Oakdew]

Using his desires

I want to find his desires, to make him so utterly devoted to me, so that he doesn't think of anything (anyone?) else, and that he'll do anything to prove his desires ....

I am not into hurting him for the sake of hurting him ... I'm into getting his attention, keeping it, and using that to push him just beyond what he's comfortable (and bringing him back again).

THAT's where I get off, on his devotion, his desire for me, and his willingness to prove them to me.

~ Oak

 

[Betticus]

Sometimes you chicks scare me a little.