new member, new stories

[aussie_101]

allo there,

I'm new to these boards, I've stuck up a couple of stories of mine and I'm keen for some feedback. I've already had some very positive feedback - which I'm thankful for, thanks kindly to those people - but I thought I'd post here to garner a bit more attention.

I'm afraid I can only check back here every now and again, so if I don't respond immediately to any replies or critiques please don't think I'm a snob. Both of my stories are fairly straightforward "erotic coupling"-type tales, nothing terribly special or alternative as yet. Happy reading!

http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=181029

http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=181028

 

[heaven-whh]

Aussie,

I'm a reader, not a critic...

I can only say one thing: I liked it a lot!
Keep those stories cumming!

 

[NoJo]

I won't critically feedback your story (structure/style grammar etc) , because it sounds as though you're mainly interested in whether people like it or not.

So I'll just and just say that it did nothing for me personally.

 

[wishfulthinking]

Hi, and welcome to lit!!

I had a quick glance - I'm a reader or a writer too, so I suck at critiques

So I'll just post a couple of things only a nit picky female would pick up

She could feel her heart beating; ordinarily she couldn't feel it beating

This strikes me as somehow illogical. I read it and asked myself - what, not even jogging or with an adrenalin rush or whatever, and all the time?

She felt on-edge, perky and alert, aware and awake

A bit of overkill maybe?

"I," she said, "am extremely sexually frustrated."

Would you just come out and say this, or perhaps lead up to it? Or say something more along the lines of "I really need a shag," or "I want to fuck you right now?" It just sounds like something an older person would say, not a uni stud.

Edited to add - I hate seeing ; and : in a story. Don't ask me why, but whenever I see them I always tend to think it comes down to poor sentence structure [in fiction, that is], or that I'm reading a dictionary!

But these aren't really anything you need to change - more a personal thing, but just be aware of how others reading it may think.

I think you definitely have talent!! As can be seen by the 'H's. But I must admit the EC category isn't something I read, so I'm probably a lot harder on you than I should!

Keep writing!

 

[Rainbow Skin]

This is magnificent! Seldom have I seen such ease with words and fluent control of sentences. You don't need our advice, because you quite obviously know exactly what you're doing.

Someone who uses colons as intonational marks! Someone who is happy to routinely use semicolons and colons! This is literacy, this is an assured control of your medium. Don't ever waver. Do it like this.

And then the individual words: 'she allowed' as a speech tag (even I have never used that); and the way you vary and inflect the syntax of speech tags. The deliberate mixture of 'Onwards she wanked', following up this jokey phrase with the very proper topicalization of an adverb of 'further... I settled'. You really are a master of style. I have very seldom read here anyone so acutely aware of the joyous potential of style.

 

[aussie_101]

many thanks!

A big thanks for all of the compliments and constructive criticism. I do enjoy using semicolons, I'm not surprised that you guys picked up on that; I think it's fair to say that sometimes I use them too much. They're great devices, I love using them and I don't plan to stop anytime soon, but I do try to watch myself and try not to go overboard with them. Too much of a good thing reduces its effectiveness.

I'm greatly encouraged by this positive response, and I plan to write more and post more stories in the immediate future. Many thanks again, keep an eye out for me.