New here .. got some questions..

[SweetHoney]

New here .. but been highly interested in the Bondage and Disipline scene for years now.. Been reading this site for 2 days now looking for some answers to some questions and found some of them .. some well.. ive not found so ill ask..

My number one question is about "getting" your partner to stop being so uptight.. Ok before yall start yelling about forceing and all (ive read posts lol ) Here is my situation.. My husband whom is a great man.. well when hes drunk hes like THE perfect dom for me... omg .. wow.. BUT when he sober hes got all these hangups like hes embarassed. Drunk there are no inhibitions... Sober.. well i get the hair pulling and sometimes get held down.. Id like to know if there is a way that i can help him to no be so inhibited.. short of getting him drunk all the time lol.

Second question.. Ive read alot but not seen much of.. and maybe i need to do a search on this subject BUT im lazy and gonna ask.. Do any of the male doms ever have the sub (female) use a strapon.. this is something weve talked about doing but well havent yet.. and I dont want to cause him any pain or anything.. and well the idea is highly arousing.

I think ill leave more questions to another post for now..

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

Hi Sweethoney. Let me be the first to welcome you to Lit. You might want to start by reading our Sticky and then check out the Library. Our Library is full of lots of interesting info, you may be surprised at what you find there!

Glad you're here, looking forward to hearing more from you, keep on posting!

~anelize

 

[SweetHoney]

K thanks.. read the sticky when i first got here.. i hate to write something and then have it deleted cause i used the wrong word or tone.. things like that.. just went through all the Library (speed reading pays off dont think it dont) well all the subjects that interest me and mind you that was nearly all of it.. still didnt see much in there on "losing inhibitions" and "strapons and how to get started" so to speak.. but thats cool .. ill keep searching around and see if i can find what im looking for ..

Thanks

 

[Richard49]

K thanks.. read the sticky when i first got here.. i hate to write something and then have it deleted cause i used the wrong word or tone.. things like that.. just went through all the Library (speed reading pays off dont think it dont) well all the subjects that interest me and mind you that was nearly all of it.. still didnt see much in there on "losing inhibitions" and "strapons and how to get started" so to speak.. but thats cool .. ill keep searching around and see if i can find what im looking for ..

Thanks

asking BDSM questions
even if they have been asked a hundred times
do not get deleted here

as a recoverying addict
I am concerned about the difference in his beahvor

strap on?
Not for me <smile>

Everyone has there own kink

 

[SexyChele]

Hello SweetHoney, and welcome! The sticky and the library is an excellent start, but even the most meticulous librarian cannot cover every topic. (Hats off to AnelizeDarkEyes for her willingness to undertake such a project!)

I just started a thread a few days ago called "Nilla Guy - What To Do?" I received some excellent replies from a lot of the folks around here. I'm currently seeing a man who (I believe, but might be wrong) is "vanilla". I'm fine with vanilla sex, in fact, I do find it very satisfying. But every once in a while I want that sharp smack to my ass or to be blindfolded or tied up or whatever. Okay, enough about me...

In your situation, it sounds as if your husband already has the inclination towards some kink, but he's battling with how appropriate it might be. Perhaps he feels that by engaging in some of bondage he's "abusing" you? Perhaps there is something in his family or in the way he was brought up? Sometimes people raised in very religious homes do not want to acknowledge this facet about themselves.

I would strongly suggest communicating with him - and not in the bedroom. Let him know that what he does when he is drunk is something you like and desire. However, let him know you would like him sober. (Unless it doesn't matter to you) Also, it is important to keep in mind that when people are drunk their reactions are slower and their perceptions can become flawed. He may be doing exactly what you want him to do when he's drunk, but there might come a time when this could turn dangerous. What if he binds you too tightly, and is too slow to react? What if he misses a reaction from you that tells him things are getting out of control? Most Doms I've met either do not indulge in alcohol or drugs while in a scene, or use very little. It keeps their minds sharp and alert for potential problems.

As to using a strap-on with a Dom? I've never considered it. The Doms that I spoke to would not allow it, but hey, I haven't met every single Dom, either. Have you considered the idea that you might have switch tenedencies? Not a bad thing, by any stretch of the imagination! Your husband might also be entertaining thoughts of having a strap-on used on him. A lot of men have this fantasy, but they don't share it with their partners for fear of being considered gay or freaking their partners out. Again, communication is key here. You might want to start out by penetrating him with your finger while giving him a blow job. Drives most men insane. See where it goes from there.

As far as how to use a strap-on? I'm assuming your question is how to do this with a man who has a "virgin ass"? You would need to do it the same way a man would introduce a woman to anal pleasures. Begin with fingers, perhaps a butt plug. Have lots and lots and lots of lube, go gently, go easy, be sure to watch for signs that he is not comfortable or in pain, and have him push out as you push in. Try to start out with dildos that are rather small - it will make it easier. A lot of it is experiementation, but most of it is communication, before, during, and after.

Good luck to you!

 

[SweetHoney]

concerned? how do you mean ..

 

[SweetHoney]

SexyChele,


I do think that some of his missgivings are in fact due to his "family life" and he might in fact worry.

I DO know he has strong intrest in the area of BDSM as hes not affraid to use bits and pieces of it now and then but never much more then the hair pulling and the holding down sorts of things.. he makes teaseing remarks and gets my mind reeling also.. but it seems hes reserved when it comes to tit for tat.. ya know

As to minding him being drunk.. i mind tons.. one reason is the saftey factor that was brought up.... i dont feel like its a good thing.. thats why i says "how to with out geting him drunk" lol

I suppose all in all its just a matter of wait and see hmm. We do communicate fairly well though on this.. maybe the "out of the bedroom talking" is a better idea though.. id never thought of that.

after thinking some on the about "concern" i dont think really that theres much to be concerned about.. Its not like hes abusive and things when drunk.. hes just more open to ideas and more willing to do them with out the restraints he seems to put on himself... and doesnt push limits too far.. so really no i dont think there are any concerns.. and its not that he drinks alot either.. just occasionally (once every 4 months).

Oh and lastly .. yes weve talked about the strap on and hes like all for it when we talk lol.. but i have yet to get one.. so thats not the issue ... i just like to have information so i know what not to do and the better ways to do it.. make sense?

 

[SexyChele]

I think the concern Richard is speaking of is the seeming change of personality between drunk and sober. It struck a chord with me, but only because I dated an alcoholic for a number of years. And I have to keep reminding myself that not every man who gets drunk is an alcoholic, so I don't usually voice my concerns.

As to the strap on business, perhaps Ebonyfire, if she isn't too busy, will notice this. She is a Domme and uses strap ons with her subs and has a quite a bit of experience. If I were to use a strap on with a man, she would be one of the people I would want to talk to about what is good, what is bad, what to watch out for. If you notice her posting, feel free to ask her. She's always been very helpful with giving out some great resources that you can get.

 

[Wizard]

I have to say I’m with Sexy and Richard on this one. The drinking is a very big concern as I read your post. I am one of the few that will and can have a few drinks and continue to play. The way I see it could be one of two things.

One,
after drinking he IS more relaxed and can go with the flow of things, let his true feels flow, which then concerns me as if he did hurt you not being aware how hard he could be paddling or flogging or even as stated binding you “snug”. We all have many first aid things in place. Will always have ice packs ready in the freezer, first aid kit close by, and at LEAST 3 pair of scissors on hand thru out my area as we like rope bondage and if I ever need to get her out right away I want to be able.

The second concern in see is if you guys get to the next level and he is this way all the time then what would he be like drunk then? Could he then be more aggressive than he is now? He may do something really stupid.

As a Dom his first and number one concern should always be your safety.



Have you sat him down and had a good heart to heart about this? I believe this role should not be taken lightly. The responsibly are great. With the right person the rewards are too priceless.

 

[SweetHoney]

Lol ok.. this is rather funny to me.. K i was only asking how to prod him while SOBER which is like 99% of the time.. to do what he does so well when he has has something to drink.. how to help him to lose the inhibition is all.. i for one have few inhibitions.

Lol i do realize that things can get out of hand that is why i ask this ..

sorry i get tickled at how a certian part of posts can get missconstrued at times.. forgive my humor on this matter.. maybe i wasnt clear enough is all.

ill see if i can find Ebonyfire and maybe talk to her about the strap on and all..

 

[Wizard]

Talk with him ,and just trying to keep you safe.

 

[SexyChele]

sorry i get tickled at how a certian part of posts can get missconstrued at times.. forgive my humor on this matter.. maybe i wasnt clear enough is all.

You will have to take the concern of our resident male Doms in the spirit it's given, I'm afraid. They do mean well, and there are some on here that look out for subs they've never met better than those in real life! Both Richard and Wizard are loving, caring Doms who can become very upset at the prospect of a sub potentially getting in a position of abuse.

Kinda nice to know you have that sort of thing online sometimes!

 

[Richard49]

You will have to take the concern of our resident male Doms in the spirit it's given, I'm afraid. They do mean well, and there are some on here that look out for subs they've never met better than those in real life! Both Richard and Wizard are loving, caring Doms who can become very upset at the prospect of a sub potentially getting in a position of abuse.

Kinda nice to know you have that sort of thing online sometimes!

<blush>

 

[SweetHoney]

Oops my applogys to EbonyFire.. Him not her

And i am glad there are those looking out for us I just wanted to make it clear so that this post might not get misconstrued is all.. and i have found some wonderful posts on here since posting this one about the "inhibitions" thing i am gonna try the ideas yall have had for other posters in my predicament. Heres Hoping..

Now to figure out how the private messages work and other things....................


By the way

Cheers to all of you here.. seems to be a great little place you have here and i have to say im glad i found it..

 

[Richard49]

EbonyFire is a she
Dome

 

[Wizard]

<blush>

Move over Richard .let me turn red too......

 

[Wizard]

EbonyFire is a she
Dome

a very good and a highly respected one too......

 

[SweetHoney]

ooooppss again

sorry again?? wow i am REALLY putting a bad foot forward today..

 

[Wizard]

Re: ooooppss again

sorry again?? wow i am REALLY putting a bad foot forward today..

Not at all please join right in, your new and there honest mistakes.
We want you to feel at home here and speak openly.








She may want to spank you for it but it is all good…..

 

[SexyChele]

Re: Re: ooooppss again

She may want to spank you for it but it is all good…..

Now, Wizard, Eb only does male subs. But she might turn SweetHoney over to ShadowsDream! (Another highly respected Domme here, SH!)

SweetHoney, you have not made any more goof ups than the rest of us have, believe me! Hopefully you will find this a place to talk openly and get some good feeback.

 

[Wizard]

Re: Re: Re: ooooppss again

Now, Wizard, Eb only does male subs. But she might turn SweetHoney over to ShadowsDream! (Another highly respected Domme here, SH!)

SweetHoney, you have not made any more goof ups than the rest of us have, believe me! Hopefully you will find this a place to talk openly and get some good feeback.

I know but I thought for the fun of it she might swing a few smacks. I was trying to get the fear factor going

There are many here to teach the ways......

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

Look at ya'll scaring the poor girl already. Good lawd, Eb had me shaking in my shoes for awhile just from her posts. Ya'll be nice LOL.

~anelize

 

[Wizard]

Look at ya'll scaring the poor girl already. Good lawd, Eb had me shaking in my shoes for awhile just from her posts. Ya'll be nice LOL.

~anelize

 

[Richard49]

Move over Richard .let me turn red too......

We need picture of you and I turning red

 

[Richard49]

Re: ooooppss again

sorry again?? wow i am REALLY putting a bad foot forward today..

The fun thing is to put both feet in mouth
till one kisses ones own ass