New Dom for me!

I just typed a letter to Chris asking for my release, and I blamed it all on me. Personally I think it was both of us who have issues, not just him and not just me.
 
Oh, for goodness sake leave the poor guy alone. According to your other posts he made it clear he was finished with you. You don't need to be released and continuing to hound him will only cause you more grief.
 
SubmissiveDove5 said:
I just typed a letter to Chris asking for my release, and I blamed it all on me. Personally I think it was both of us who have issues, not just him and not just me.

Why would you do that, dove? This thing was over a few pages back, or so I thought.
 
SubmissiveDove5 said:
I just typed a letter to Chris asking for my release, and I blamed it all on me. Personally I think it was both of us who have issues, not just him and not just me.
your release? i thought that happened weeks ago...
I'll tell you what... if you are serious about getting your life together and getting the things you need to make it more livable...prove it to me and you have my help and support in any way that is possible for me. Making phone calls, helping you do research, finding places that would offer you a job, I really do mean it and if you dont believe...ask anyone who knows me here. Im betting there are alot of ppl here who would also like to see you succeed and would offer support and encouragment to you.
 
adr andkc

Thank you KC, I appreciate it :)

adr

Yes, it was over weeks ago, but there was no closure, so I just wrote him a letter (on the computer) saying that I thought I was too dependent and it wasn't fair to him. I told him that he had been a good friend to me and that I hoped I had been just as good a friend to him (I probably wasn't). I told him that I hoped we could still be friends, but if he didn't think that was best or whatever that I wished him the very best.
 
Re: adr andkc

SubmissiveDove5 said:
Yes, it was over weeks ago, but there was no closure, so I just wrote him a letter (on the computer) saying that I thought I was too dependent and it wasn't fair to him. I told him that he had been a good friend to me and that I hoped I had been just as good a friend to him (I probably wasn't). I told him that I hoped we could still be friends, but if he didn't think that was best or whatever that I wished him the very best.


Arrgghhh...woman...

Stop putting yourself down. It sounds as if you took on whatever faults there were as all yours. It takes two to tango, my dear. i'm glad for you if this helps you move on. Just don't hold your breath waiting for an overwhelming feeling of peace to come over you.

i've been wishing good things for you, sweetie. i hope some of it comes across.

:rose: j.
 
incubus'_sub

Do you want me to tell you all about the self-guilt I've been carrying around for years? Well, here's three thins I feel guilty about:

1. You're right! It is my fault my mother is a drunk! She started drinking when I moved out six years ago

2. The rape is my fault because I allowed the creep to touch me in the first place, which made my parents summon me back home.

3. It's my fault I lost my vision because I was supposed to keep my head down after the surgery until the bubble evaporated, but three weeks after the surgery I kept my head up too long.

How's that for sef guilt!
 
Re: incubus'_sub

SubmissiveDove5 said:
Do you want me to tell you all about the self-guilt I've been carrying around for years? Well, here's three thins I feel guilty about:

1. You're right! It is my fault my mother is a drunk! She started drinking when I moved out six years ago

2. The rape is my fault because I allowed the creep to touch me in the first place, which made my parents summon me back home.

3. It's my fault I lost my vision because I was supposed to keep my head down after the surgery until the bubble evaporated, but three weeks after the surgery I kept my head up too long.

How's that for sef guilt!


Sweetie...listen to me. You have some good people here trying to give you some good advice. i hope i'm one of them.

First about your mother...i have drunks in my family. It happens. If her becoming a drunk, or you simply noticing that she had always been that way, was preceded by you leaving...so? It would have happened anyway. If she is as you say, it is her weakness. It would have come out sometime and is not your fault. That is the way some chose to deal with life. Had you never been born, she would probably still would have turned to alcohol as an out.

Second...i have been raped, several times, once being held for three days against my will. i believe and will always believe that i could have avoided some of the situations that precipitated these events. i know, though, that i was forced. That i could not have stopped what happened once it started. In one instance i had been with the man the day before...been with him sexually. Is it my fault that he and his fucktard buddy came back the next day and raped me? No. If you were truly raped, perhaps the situation could have been avoided, but the act itself was, i believe, not your fault.


Third...your blindness. You said this earlier

I became ill when I was five

i'm wondering, and please take no offense at this...how old were you when you had this surgery? If you had it when you were 5, how is it your fault that you are blind?

One thing that i want to leave you with, something that Someone i know says occasionally...Shit Happens. It happens to all of us at one time or another. No one has a perfect life. Things that happen affect us, yes...but it is how you react to what comes your way that shows who you are.

:rose: j.
 
Oh Dove

You are not responsible for another adult whether it is Chris or your mother. Every individual has free will.
Each person can choose to overcome addictive behaviours and seek out any additional help they need to do that.

This world has a wonderful word which is 'NO.' Rape is never easy to get over and we all do so in our own may.
'No' is 'No.'
It cannot be misunderstood, we all allow creeps to touch us at one time or another in lives (sometimes we even marry them) but not all of us end up raped.
You were unlucky not responsible.
You did not make him force you to do things against your will. It was not a 'scene' 'playing' or a 'game.'

Like your mother he had choices ~ to rape you or to not rape you. Nothing you did or said could have changed him, he is responsible for his behaviour.

Finally operations do go wrong, I do not know anything about your surgery, but eye sugery in general is never 100% assured of success.

By all means feel angry, sad, resigned to it all or any other emotion but guilt.
You did not perform the surgery, you are not responsible.

Like your mother and the man who touched you, you have choices. You can either blame yourself for everything, or you can do whatever it takes to overcome how you feel. Please realise and accept you have the right to get on with your life without all the additional baggage from the past.

Dove, I have written all this because I am care about you as a person, not a blind person who broke up with someone and has previously had a difficult life, but as a person.

I like you, I liked you through your posts, nothing to do with your self image or inner demons. You are a good person who deserves to treat themselves better.

I am sorry if this is a bit of a rant, feel free to tell me so either here or in PM. Whichever suits YOU (not anyone else!!)

Take care Dove God Bless
 
Okay, here I go again.

1) Don't send the letter to Chris. Wash that man right out of your hair, it's over, it's done, why resurrect it? He's your past, and the past lays in the past for a reason.

2) I'm from Catholic upbringing, so I KNOW guilt. Guilt is an emotion created by those on religious or moral high horses as a device to keep the 'lower' people in check. It has only as much power as you give it.

3) Regret again, has only as much power as you give it. I regret nothing in my life, and am even THANKFUL for many of the shitty things that have happened to me because they HAD to happen in order for me to arrive where I am in the grand scheme of things. I believe that what is meant to happen will happen, and that there is a reason for everything TO happen.

4) Your mother's alcoholism is her deal. Not yours. Just be careful, as it is a genetic trait.

5) Rape is not your fault. It was a sin committed against you and your trust, and that's it. Anyone who will tell you differently is an asshole.

6) I don't believe that your blindness was sent to hinder you in this life. Not after reading this thread. I believe your blindness is your cross, if you'll let me get a little pseudo-religious. Everyone has their cross to bear, everyone has that THING that they just have to overcome. Yours is your sight. It is something that will hinder you as long as you allow it to, like guilt, like regret, but once you take hold of it, once you OWN it, and make it YOURS, it will no longer be a hindrance, a roadblock, a barrier to you, and you will move past it to a much more fruitful life.

7) I haven't noted in this thread how old you are (I think I missed it), but if you're old enough to be posting here, you're old enough to hear this: Get the fuck up off your ass and DO something for yourself. I know that you're reading and learning and that is a WONDERFUL first step. But reading and learning are not enough. You are NOT a minor anymore, and have every right to tell your parents to fuck the living hell off, and to try to make it with help from other, supportive people, who understand and want to see you own your "disability". (Take no offence to the quotation marks, I just didn't know how to term it).

DO something for yourself. Only YOU can.
 
vixenshe said:
[B
7) I haven't noted in this thread how old you are (I think I missed it), but if you're old enough to be posting here, you're old enough to hear this: Get the fuck up off your ass and DO something for yourself. I know that you're reading and learning and that is a WONDERFUL first step. But reading and learning are not enough. You are NOT a minor anymore, and have every right to tell your parents to fuck the living hell off, and to try to make it with help from other, supportive people, who understand and want to see you own your "disability". (Take no offence to the quotation marks, I just didn't know how to term it).

DO something for yourself. Only YOU can. [/B]

Mmmm I like your style Vixen

I guess you speak your mind:)
 
alonelygal

Thank you, I do appreciate that, and I know that everyone's only trying to help. Maybe even incubus'_sub, but I have to admit to getting a bit fed up with her comments. Perhaps I interpreted it wrong though, who nows.
 
SubmissiveDove5 said:
Thank you Vix! I've added them to my list of links, :)

Yes, I knew about the ponies. I wish I could have one. Damn residential neighborhood, lol
No problem;)

Fill out thier application forms- a lot of them help people get dogs free of charge because they opperate on donations from various organizations/funds/etc.
That would widen your horizons sooo much.

incubus'_sub you are entilted to your opinion. That said-Dove's situation is, least for me, one I haven't seen before.
She knows she needs to do these things and is looking for a bit of encouragement to do it.
That's what we're doing- encouraging her to do what needs doing.
If you truely think she's that whiney/dependant/etc, then there's a very simple answer. Don't read the thread.
 
Shyslave

I have a number of physical problems, but they all started when I was five years old. I got sick and was in a coma for two weeks. Now, I know this sounds like some sort of miracle, and perhaps it was, but I never thought of it as one. When I came out of the coma, I was totally paralyzed, mute and blind in both eyes, and within a short amount of time, I regained sight in one eye, learned to speak again and regained limited mobility. Ever since then, I have withgone seventeen surgeries in which six of them were eye surgeries. It wasn't until my last eye surgery three years ago that I lost my vision completely, but even when I could see out of one eye, it was very limited. What had happened last time was that I had the surgery, and then had to have it over again because of my irresponsibility. I was actually seeing something even though it was still blurry. Anyway, that is what happened.
 
Unfortunately, I already sent the letter to Chris in the mail, but even if I never hear from him again, at least I'll have said what I needed to say. Whether or not he read it or not is another story, lol
 
Apparently she's 25 & has been totally blind only a few years, the sickness at 5 was only mentioned today.

The reappearence of Chris the Cad was just a convenient diversion. The genuine & kind offers of help were getting a bit too specific. Show me a blind adult in a big city who doesn't know the difference between a companion & a guide dog, after endless counselling & help, & I'll show you a pig with wings !!

No, this one is just a sympathy sucker and we had to be reminded of that as well as diverted. The mea culpa, mea culpa just adds to the mix.

We also needed to be reminded of her supposed subbiness, to get back to topic, although that doesn't ring true either, given her title to this thread.

Initially I, too, was sucked in by this chronicle of despair, but as someone else said, she says yes, I know, I understand, I will etc etc, then comes back with yet another little snippet aimed at sympathy & ignores all the genuine attempts to help her. By the sound of things she has followed that particular path for many years & doesn't intend to change. Hell, why should she. it works.
 
incubus'_sub said:
Apparently she's 25 & has been totally blind only a few years, the sickness at 5 was only mentioned today.

The reappearence of Chris the Cad was just a convenient diversion. The genuine & kind offers of help were getting a bit too specific. Show me a blind adult in a big city who doesn't know the difference between a companion & a guide dog, after endless counselling & help, & I'll show you a pig with wings !!

No, this one is just a sympathy sucker and we had to be reminded of that as well as diverted. The mea culpa, mea culpa just adds to the mix.

We also needed to be reminded of her supposed subbiness, to get back to topic, although that doesn't ring true either, given her title to this thread.

Initially I, too, was sucked in by this chronicle of despair, but as someone else said, she says yes, I know, I understand, I will etc etc, then comes back with yet another little snippet aimed at sympathy & ignores all the genuine attempts to help her. By the sound of things she has followed that particular path for many years & doesn't intend to change. Hell, why should she. it works.
I'm with what Vixandra said above. Nobody is forcing you to read this thread. Feel free to put SubmissiveDove5 on ignore at any time. Let the rest of us decide whether or not we want to be "suckered" by her. There's no need to be hateful.
 
Hell no, it's fun seeing what she'll come up with next. I'm not hateful, in fact a very kind & supporting person, as are many here on the board, but there are people who take advantage and she seems to be one of them.

Etoile, you have many health problems of your own, yet you remain kind & positive and you just make the best of it. This person has had some really good advice & her only response so far has been either to reject it & do what she planned anyway, or to say yes, but....
 
incubus'_sub said:
Hell no, it's fun seeing what she'll come up with next. I'm not hateful, in fact a very kind & supporting person, as are many here on the board, but there are people who take advantage and she seems to be one of them.

Etoile, you have many health problems of your own, yet you remain kind & positive and you just make the best of it. This person has had some really good advice & her only response so far has been either to reject it & do what she planned anyway, or to say yes, but....
Heh, I freely admit to not using my Ignore list at all because I like seeing what people will come up with. Not only here...I basically have an internet wide policy about not gagging people unless they're utterly devoid of information. (Spammers and the like get muted.) And yes, there are people who will take advantage. I just found the repeated mentions that we should ignore SD5's pleas for help to be a little much...we can decide for ourselves whether or not to listen.

Moi? Health problems? Say it isn't so! My problems are more with my health insurance than anything else. The arthritis, depression, anxiety, ADHD, and chronic urticaria I can handle. It's dealing with the damned insurance companies that really makes me want to cry out for help!
 
Incubis'_sub, for your information I have run out of problems to announce to everyone. Yes, that's right, the pleaing advantage taker has run out of sympathy pleas!

Etoile, thank you for telling her off.

The only purpose I had for revealing all my problems was so that everything was laid out on the table and perhaps it was a bit much, but that is how I communicate, it always has been. My way of thinking is that people aren't going to understand everything if I don't say everything. Now I realize this isn't a discussion board for disabled people, but I happen to be hear, and as soon as I find a discussion board online or elsewhere, I will talk there. I have printed out all the information for Guiding eyes for my mother to read and I have read it online myself. I have also read everything from the other two sites mentioned earlier. Now I'll just have to call each one of them tomorrow and see what can be done. So to prove incubus'_sub wrong, I have actually gone online and looked this stuff up, and I am going to make some phone calls tomorrow.
 
hmmm, mission accomplished, or a start on it anyway. Finding a discussion board for the disabled might be a good idea too. You won't find sympathy but you will get the help & support you need as long as you're prepared to get off your butt & help yourself too.
 
Wow now I am mad

Dove You are an amazing person to overcome all you have and get up each day. Therefore all that has happened IS NOT YOUR DAMNED FAULT!!!!!
You know you are worth more, hell for me personally its taken over twenty years to discover that I am a sub sexually and emotionally. You are taking that on as well as your health/emotional stuf,f so start flag waving about how far you have come and how great you are.
It takes guts to admit to yourself and others what you want and need in life without additional health stuff.

Incubus_sub YES, YES, YES lets have a BDSM disabled board and while we are at it a BDSM switch board, BDSM I like cats board, BDSM where did leave m sub tied up board, BDSM for those who like the colour pink board.

Being disabled DOES NOT PRECLUDE PEOPLE FROM HAVING OTHER INTERESTS!!!!

It means they are people who have needs like everyone else.

Just for the record I am not disabled, unless you call an abilty to get mad as hell, but never able to work out her cheque book, disabled.
I have worked for 24 years with people who have both physical and a learning disability and I am tired of everyone viewing people with disabilities as different/special/etc/etc.

In my own ignorance I thought prejudice was long dead both sides of the atlantic...how disappointing to find it is not.

Now I never thought this would be a place that would make me angry, but there you go. You really do learn something new everyday.

I, don't put people on ignore, frankly I think it gives them too much credit. Like winning a prize they did not work fully for.

Now off to eat chocolate until I either calm down, am sick or end up obese and then I can join the BDSM for those who are clinically obese boards.

Lin
edited due to terrible spelling, due to hammering the life out of the keyboard...more chocolate please
 
Last edited:
Just for the record, shyslave, incubus'_sub is in the Pacific... Australia to be exact. Quite far from the Atlantic. ;-)
 
Etoile

Etoile said:

Moi? Health problems? Say it isn't so! My problems are more with my health insurance than anything else. The arthritis, depression, anxiety, ADHD, and chronic urticaria I can handle. It's dealing with the damned insurance companies that really makes me want to cry out for help!

The insurance companies and the Government forms that are required in UK.
Its good to know that both UK & US have the same kind of things that make you want to cry out for help. Shame they don't come with a safe word lol

PS How did the sponsered paddle go??
 
Now, I don't have permanent disabilities, but I am dealing with the government right now due to a short-term "sick-leave", though it is actually disability pay. The slipped disk is still in fucking effect, and while they've been VERY kind to me in the government, it is still a huge hassle, and a TON of paperwork (the file I began for all the paperwork is overflowing, only 7 weeks into disability).



*grumble*


Okay, I'm done hijacking. (Did I spell that right? I never feel I spell that word right.)
 
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