New Brands of Condoms

[Isabella Thorne]

Nike Condoms: Just do it.

Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling.

Diet Pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby.

Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can't stop.

Mentos Condoms: The freshmaker.

Flintstones Vitamins Condom: Ten million strong and growing.

Secret Condoms: Strong enough for a man, but pH balanced for a woman.

Macintosh Condom: It does more, it costs less, it's that simple.

Ford Condoms: The best never rest.

Chevy Condoms: Like a rock.

Dial Condoms: Aren't you glad you use it? Don't you wish everybody did?

New York Lotto Condoms: Cause hey - you never know.

California Lotto Condoms: Who's next?

Avis Condoms: Trying harder than ever.

KFC Condoms: Finger-Licking Good.

Coca Cola Condoms: Always the Real Thing.

Lays Condoms: Betcha can't have just one.

Campbell's Soup Condoms: Mmm, mmm, good.

General Electric Condoms: We bring good things to life!

AT&T Condoms: Reach out and touch someone.

Bounty Condoms: The quicker picker upper.

Microsoft Condoms: Where do you want to go today?

Energizer Condoms: It keeps going and going and going...

M&M Condoms: It melts in your mouth, not in your hands!

Taco Bell Condoms: Get some; make a run for the border.

MCI Condoms: For friends and family.

Doublemint Condoms: Double your pleasure, double your fun!

The Sears latex Condoms: One coat is good for the entire winter.

Delta Airlines travel pack Condoms: Delta is ready when you are.

United Airlines travel pack Condoms: Fly United.

The Star Trek Condoms: To Boldly Go Where No Man Has Gone Before.
(This is Expertise's fave brand)

 

[Guest]

 

[Isabella Thorne]

No Glove - No Love

President George W. Bush phoned Canada's Prime Minister Jean Chrétien with a pressing emergency:

"Our largest condom factory has exploded!" the American President cried. "My people's favorite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!"

"George da canajian pipple would be 'appy to do anyt'ing wit'in der power to 'elp you," replied the Prime Minister.

"I do need your help," said Bush. "Could you possibly send us 1,000,000 condoms ASAP to tide us over?"

"Certainment! I will get on hit right haway" said Jean.

"Oh and one more small favoor, please?" said President George.

"Oui?"

"Could the condoms be red, white and blue, and at least 10" long and 4" in diameter?" asked Clinton.

"No prob'lem," replied the Prime Minister, and with that, Chértien hung up and called the president of Trojan.

"I need a favour. You got to make 1,000,000 condoms right haway, and sen'dem to Hamerica."

"Consider it done," said the President of Trojan.

"Great! Now listen mon ami. Dey haf to be bleu, blanc 'n rouge in colour, at least 10 inches long and 4 inches in di-a-meter."

"That's easily done. Anything else?"

"Yes," said the Prime Minister, "an print on dem MADE IN CANADA, size: MEDIUM."