New Author's Vending Machine

[Handley_Page]

and you realize that once it's in, it's no longer spare.

I put in a dime I can spare, brother...

But my Bank does not change change
(come to think of it, it's not over-keen on Treasury Notes, either).


I put in a small IR transmitter.

 

[Saxon_Hart]

But my Bank does not change change
(come to think of it, it's not over-keen on Treasury Notes, either).


I put in a small IR transmitter.

But the UV rays make transmission dicey.

I put in ham.

 

[Handley_Page]

But the UV rays make transmission dicey.

I put in ham.

and the audience walks out



I put in a side of beef

 

[Idarrau]

and the audience walks out



I put in a side of beef

and the soup kitchen feeds the city in desperate times.

I put in an ounce of moonshine

 

[Handley_Page]

and the soup kitchen feeds the city in desperate times.

I put in an ounce of moonshine

But the Sunshine goes missing




I put in a bucket of Instant Sunshine

 

[Idarrau]

But the Sunshine goes missing




I put in a bucket of Instant Sunshine

That lights the way home for a weary traveler and her hand maiden.

I stole from the Potter kid and put in a luck potion

 

[Handley_Page]

That lights the way home for a weary traveler and her hand maiden.

I stole from the Potter kid and put in a luck potion

Yeh - all bad luck!



I put in a mud pie

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Yeh - all bad luck!



I put in a mud pie

and it comes a la mode.

I put in a cherry cobbler...

 

[Handley_Page]

and it comes a la mode.

I put in a cherry cobbler...

and the custard is like concrete.



I put in a Bramley Apple.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and the custard is like concrete.



I put in a Bramley Apple.

and it gets filed after Adam's but before Cortland.

I put in Wandering Aengus...

 

[stickygirl]

and it gets filed after Adam's but before Cortland.

I put in Wandering Aengus...

and the farmer has to round them up

I put in some mice with no tails

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and the farmer has to round them up

I put in some mice with no tails

and you get a vicious farmer's wife.

I put in a protest by PETA...


Hi Jane!

 

[stickygirl]

and you get a vicious farmer's wife.

I put in a protest by PETA...


Hi Jane!

and you get a mad march hare

I put in six impossible things

*deep curtsey*

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and you get a mad march hare

I put in six impossible things

*deep curtsey*

and then you're served breakfast.

I put in a grand theory of everything unifying the four forces...

 

[desertslave]

and then you're served breakfast.

I put in a grand theory of everything unifying the four forces...

but it gets misspelled and you get horseman towing the start of an apocalypse

I put in Calamity Jane's shotgun

 

[Handley_Page]

but it gets misspelled and you get horseman towing the start of an apocalypse

I put in Calamity Jane's shotgun

But the barrels are split sideways.


I put in a 105mm canon

 

[Tio_Narratore]

But the barrels are split sideways.


I put in a 105mm canon

and you can't hit the broad side of a barn.

I put in three turret-mounted 16" Mark 7s...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you can't hit the broad side of a barn.

I put in three turret-mounted 16" Mark 7s...

but you cannot hit ANYTHING: it's all too close.



I put in a 27mm Aircraft Canon

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but you cannot hit ANYTHING: it's all too close.



I put in a 27mm Aircraft Canon

and you find it's very hard to shoot a 27mm aircraft, even with a Canon.

I put in a Canon 60D with a 50mm lens...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you find it's very hard to shoot a 27mm aircraft, even with a Canon.

I put in a Canon 60D with a 50mm lens...

but the lens does not capture the full impact on the bullets.



I put in a Nikon F

 

[FallingToFly]

but the lens does not capture the full impact on the bullets.



I put in a Nikon F

And you get a Playboy shot

I put in a naked baby who likes to run away

 

[Handley_Page]

And you get a Playboy shot

I put in a naked baby who likes to run away

but gets written out of the Plot in short order.



I put in a long and boring script.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but gets written out of the Plot in short order.



I put in a long and boring script.

and your editor gives herself a pink slip, but not the kind that goes under a dress.

I put in a pink slip, the kind that does go under a dress...

 

[Handley_Page]

and your editor gives herself a pink slip, but not the kind that goes under a dress.

I put in a pink slip, the kind that does go under a dress...

And Sweet Maj blushes furiously



I put in a new shoe.

 

[YoursSINSerely]

And Sweet Maj blushes furiously



I put in a new shoe.

And, Babs comes out from under the bed looking for the other one.

I put in the lost Jockey.