New author seeking comments on first story.

Rexxblayze

The Tale Blazer
Joined
Jul 31, 2025
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Here are the first few paragraphs of the latest draft. ...

Jennifer and Becky admired the workmanship of the invitation, a master crafted scroll. Jen said, "This thing is amazing. It looks ancient, like an artifact that would have magical powers."

Becky giggled, "Right, I bet it makes you want to fuck the football players." Becky already knew that was what Jen wanted to do.

Jen's fingers tingled as she unrolled the invitation. "This parchment looks ancient, with frayed edges and dark ink. The letters look like they are trying to jump off the page." As she observed the letters glimmering faintly in the soft dorm-room light. The scroll seemed to pulse under her touch, like it had a heartbeat of its own. She swallowed, shivers running up her spine, half from excitement, half from something darker.

Becky noticed Jen's reaction and asked, "What the fuck... You looked like you just had a corn cob shoved up your ass."

Jen was exhilarated by what she saw, "It's extremely eerie that you mentioned the football players. This invitation is for the Halloween party at Planter's Hall." This dorm was notorious for sexual activity, as the ladies had discovered earlier in the semester.

Becky smirked, "Remember the six football players and the intense full penetration. We 'were' the party."

Jen felt a weakness in her knees and a tingle between her legs. "How can I ever forget, three football players with their cocks all pumping with the same rhythm."

Becky exclaimed, "Speaking of rhythm, what's going on with that invitation? That thing looks like it's vibrating"

Jen replied, "I feel energy when I hold this, like it's talking to me. I believe it 'is' magic."

Becky laughed and teased, "Sure, it will probably fill your dreams with beasts that all want to fuck you."
 
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I want to gain an understanding of how readers will react to various characteristics that could be included. If I put the story in Group Sex, how would readers react to some chapters having MM, FF, FMM? Is there a limit where sexual content (or explicit wording) makes the story undesirable, or distasteful, for readers? I have read the guidelines, and never write underage or non-consenting sex. Some chapters have incest sex between consenting adults. It includes some fantasy dream including sex between humans and mythical creatures.
 
I want to gain an understanding of how readers will react to various characteristics that could be included. If I put the story in Group Sex, how would readers react to some chapters having MM, FF, FMM? Is there a limit where sexual content (or explicit wording) makes the story undesirable, or distasteful, for readers? I have read the guidelines, and never write underage or non-consenting sex. Some chapters have incest sex between consenting adults. It includes some fantasy dream including sex between humans and mythical creatures.
I'll send you a DM.
 
I, personally, have a strong preference that you write the dialog in such a way that each line of dialog begins a new paragraph. So, I'd write:

Jennifer and Becky admired the workmanship of the invitation, a master crafted scroll.

"This thing is amazing. It looks ancient, like an artifact that would have magical powers," Jen said.

"Right," Becky giggled, "I bet it makes you want to fuck the football players." Becky already knew that was what Jen wanted to do.

BTW, that's not clear... How is an "invitation" like an ancient artifact that has magical powers? Even for a scroll, that sounds implausible. And artifacts make Jen DTF? In this brief intro, Jen (the DTF slut) seems a lot more serious than Becky... Seems like it should be reversed? Anyway, readers are willing to suspend belief to a degree, but if each paragraph requires a lot of faith, you'll lose a lot of readers. Aside from this, I'd say it's well-written. I think you have a hook at the front, which is great. I'd encourage you to develop it into a story and ask for feedback (or help editing).
 
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