New at being a sub.

[NervousGuy]

While browsing the forums I came accross Rinka's post about her difficulty submitting ect while being a femenist. For me it's kinda the same situation as her. Except for the fact that I'm a guy. And the part thats messing with my head is I was raised to be a "Man". I'll explain what I ment there. What I ment by being raised that way was the fact that my Dad raised me to be in control, be strong, don't give excuses for your actions ect. Plus the fact that I'm a big guy, it just seems kinda strange to be submitting to a girl. My first experience with subbmitting wasn't really all that. I mean she wasn't trying to Dom me, we were just playing around, and she was doing orgasm control on me, told me I couldn't cum untill she told me I could, I had to beg her. It was amazing. After that I was thinking about it, and the idea of not being in control was appealing to me. One of the wierdest parts was the fact that she was mabey 5'5, 120 pounds. And me being at 6'5, 240 pounds, I could have taken over at any time especially physically. So I meen the whole being raised that way and my size are doing little mind twisters in my head. Anyone other guys here have kinda the same problem or experiences as me? And I know I'm kinda rambling and going from topic to topic, sorry about that. One of the main thoughts in my head at this time is the fact that, no woman could actually control me physically, at least not in my state heh. But thats also the wierd part, though they wouldn't be able to control me physically, I want to be controled. But yeah, I guess I'll stop typing for now. Any experiences, thoughts, ect you can provide would be thankfull. Any questions you have I'll try to respond to. Thanks to all that post.

NG.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

You might find this thread interesting.

I can understand how you feel but I'll also bet that your upbringing and how you define your masculinity makes the humiliation of submitting to a smaller, physically weaker woman really hot. Would it be such a kinky turn on if you thought that male submission was perfectly normal?

Just as it's often impossible to spot a submissive woman in the street, nobody needs to know anything about your kink. It's your sexlife and your business. Many men enjoy the knowledge that people they know and love would be scandalised to know how they conduct themselves in private.

In the west, where we're so sexually liberated now, consensual BDSM is no cause for shame. If your submissive tendencies are impacting on your self image and self esteem, it might be wise to sit and consider how negative thinking like that might affect you in years to come if left unchecked. Being a male sub doesn't make you less of a man, it just makes you a much more interesting and hopefully, sexually sated one.

You might find the How To Forum helpful as one of the resident posters there, SweetErika is the dominant party in her marriage to her husband. She has the greatest respect for her chosen life-partner and his devotion to serving her.

 

[SweetErika]

D/s is not about the physical for me, it's about the mental and emotional hotness of someone giving me control and both of us doing what I want. My best moments are those when my partner is completely open, vulnerable and wanting to give me everything he has.

My reality is that my husband IS physically stronger than me. He COULD overpower me or come after me and really hurt me. But he doesn't; he chooses not to. He chooses to submit mentally, emotionally and physically to whatever I want to do (even if that involves some serious pain or unfun stuff for him), and that's so amazing and hot.

It doesn't matter if you're 5'6 or 6'5, you can still give me control, I can still take and do what I want with it, and I can still restrain, screw with, hurt you, etc.

Anyway, I'd suggest taking the physical aspect out of your musings. Think about how you can choose to submit yourself to whatever your lady wants, be open to whatever feelings happen to come, offer your completely bare mental and emotional sides/states to her. Consider being dominated/submitting on a different, perhaps higher, level.

I think you'll find a lot of dominant women really enjoy taking charge of bigger/stronger, very masculine men. I know I do! I can't tell you how many Dommes I've heard say they want their male subs to be masculine. I love manly men who are gentlemen, have a variety of interests and skills, can fix and do things that require strength, and are also flexible/openminded. My guy can fix my car, take me fishing, do housework and doesn't feel wearing panties on my whim threatens his masculinity...how cool is that?

 

[hersforever]

NervousGuy, your feelings not something to worry about. I went through them when I realized that I was submissive, and I am still working on them. Becoming a submissive male is a process. We must work to overcome our culturally imposed gender roles and ideology.

If you keep firmly in the front of your mind how much you enjoy giving over control it will become easier over time. I have been in a 24/7 D/s marriage for almost two years, and the first year was the hardest. I would push back against it when I got scared. I have found several things that help me focus on submission and and help keep the cultural stereotypes at bay. Granted, I am in a 24/7 D/s relationship, and some of these might be overkill if you are only interested in D/s in the bedroom.

1. Write yourself a mantra. Mine is "I am owned, I am loved, I am accepted."
2. You and your partner pick out something that represents your submission that you can carry or wear all of the time. A bracelet, anklet, necklace, etc.
3. Talk to your partner about your feelings, fears, desires. This one is hard, at least for me!
4. Start a blog to write about your feelings, fears, doubts. I have found this very helpful in identifying the things I need to focus on.
5. Read everything you can. The more you read from different people, the more "normal" it becomes. If you know that you are not alone, and other people feel this way too, it can help with your acceptance of who you are.

I understand that your physical size plays a role for you. For me submission is entirely based on a mental mindset, not physical power or even social power. There are plenty of CEO's and other corporate executives who are submissive.

I feel that there are several levels of submission, some people only want to submit sexually, others only want to submit during a scene, and others want to fully submit 24/7 either as a sub or a slave. It is completely up to you to what level you submit to, and in this you have the power to choose. You only loose this power when you choose to give it up. And even then, if you D has your well-being at heart, they should strive to keep you healthy both mentally and physically

 

[NervousGuy]

Thank you very much for the words of encouragement hersforever. The library in the BDSM Library has helped me out quite a bit. Right now I'm currently in the process of looking for a Dom for me. Quite hard to find around my location. As for the different levels of submitting as you were saying. I'm not quite sure which one I am. I deffinently know I'm into being a sub in the bedroom, and the being a sub for extended periods of time sounds nice also. Right now its just trying to find a Dom thats the hard part. Well as they say. All I got is time.

NG.

 

[sugarisnice]

In many cases, subs are men who are very powerful in their daily lives, like executives who are responsible for large corporations and many people. They get to abandon that when they give up control to someone else. Also, take your time. No need to go deep into something the first time. See what you like, what you don't, and maybe you will go further. But to think because you are a man you can't let a woman control you is something from the Dark Ages. Wake up man, its the 21st Century. We had a woman run for president and a woman who could be vice president.