New And Conflicting Ideas

[chaoticDeviance]

Dear chaotic,

I you!

Sincerely,
The Bitter and Jaded One...

I you back!

The Chaotic One

 

[gingietastic55]

Feed back

I'm beginning to receive some really helpful answers and insight from some people via PMs. I just want to quickly say thanks and continue to encourage people to talk about how the got started and some of the steps that are needed to take.

 

[ultramarineblue]

It's just Yank, ma'am, thank you.

And might I suggest that clear water is much better for you, though you're on your own for drinking while you compute.

ETA: I know no other way to interact here. So if my occasionally pungent posts cause you to reflexively refudiate your beverage, you'll do well to pace your intake accordingly when you're visiting here.

A most awesome comment.

 

[IrisAlthea]

I'm beginning to receive some really helpful answers and insight from some people via PMs. I just want to quickly say thanks and continue to encourage people to talk about how the got started and some of the steps that are needed to take.

I don't want to rain on your parade and I'm glad that you feel that you ar gaining insight.
Can I just please ask that you ask yourself why these answers and insights can't be shared on the open boards where they can be of use to others like you, who struggle with the same questions but for some reason don't want to pose.

Sure, there are things you don't want to share with everyone on the boards but sometimes people have other reasons not to post out in the open, where their opinions, because that's what we are talking about here - not facts, can be questioned by others.
A good reason to make sure your critical thinking is healthy and working and that you're not just listening to those who tell you what you want to hear.

 

[Sinpain]

I don't want to rain on your parade and I'm glad that you feel that you ar gaining insight.
Can I just please ask that you ask yourself why these answers and insights can't be shared on the open boards where they can be of use to others like you, who struggle with the same questions but for some reason don't want to pose.

Sure, there are things you don't want to share with everyone on the boards but sometimes people have other reasons not to post out in the open, where their opinions, because that's what we are talking about here - not facts, can be questioned by others.
A good reason to make sure your critical thinking is healthy and working and that you're not just listening to those who tell you what you want to hear.

IrisAlthea, I'm very sure that if you carefully re-read this thread, you'll see that Gingietastic55 has been very open, clear and honest in the kind of advice she's been looking for, from people who have more experience than her. I'm also very sure that she isn't trying to trying to hide anything. It's just that she hasn't been getting answers pertaining to her questions, and instead been getting "Detective" like statements about me, even though I'm the one who suggested she embark on this quest for knowledge. How this makes me a bad person? Who knows?

To everyone else who has taken issue with me, I ask you this: If I wanted to be selfish, I could have just taken advantage of her naivete, and kept her to myself. Why am I bad for wanting her to fully appreciate me AFTER experiencing others, alt or not alt?

IrisAlthea, Trust me... Gingietastic has been, and still is more than willing to share her experiences, if you and everyone else would just calm down enough to let her give it out, so you can take it in.

Have a nice day!

 

[gingietastic55]

I don't want to rain on your parade and I'm glad that you feel that you ar gaining insight.
Can I just please ask that you ask yourself why these answers and insights can't be shared on the open boards where they can be of use to others like you, who struggle with the same questions but for some reason don't want to pose.

Sure, there are things you don't want to share with everyone on the boards but sometimes people have other reasons not to post out in the open, where their opinions, because that's what we are talking about here - not facts, can be questioned by others.
A good reason to make sure your critical thinking is healthy and working and that you're not just listening to those who tell you what you want to hear.

I personally don't feel that these people are hiding or any such idea. I can't speak as to their motives but they are giving fair minded advice on several important issues concerning the start and "getting to know you" stage of a relationship. ( Things like setting out a time that works for everyone, similar end goals, each persons particular interest and/or boundaries and such) I will ask these people to also post their advice on here because I'm not the only person who could benefit from it.

 

[Licia]

IrisAlthea, I'm very sure that if you carefully re-read this thread, you'll see that Gingietastic55 has been very open, clear and honest in the kind of advice she's been looking for, from people who have more experience than her. I'm also very sure that she isn't trying to trying to hide anything. It's just that she hasn't been getting answers pertaining to her questions, and instead been getting "Detective" like statements about me, even though I'm the one who suggested she embark on this quest for knowledge. How this makes me a bad person? Who knows?

To everyone else who has taken issue with me, I ask you this: If I wanted to be selfish, I could have just taken advantage of her naivete, and kept her to myself. Why am I bad for wanting her to fully appreciate me AFTER experiencing others, alt or not alt?

IrisAlthea, Trust me... Gingietastic has been, and still is more than willing to share her experiences, if you and everyone else would just calm down enough to let her give it out, so you can take it in.

Have a nice day!

What's going on is actually a positive thing. Although personal affronts are happening, the fact which remains is transparent: a girl is vulnerable. The advice being given comes from those who've experienced the issue, and the issue is a reality. Being vulnerable and bearing the soul opens one up to destruction. Offering that pristine gift and having it honored? Who wouldn't want to be slave to that? Being trusted with that most precious treasure, knowing the power lies in lap to destroy but do not? Who wouldn't want to be master to that?

Given the opportunity, most human beings lack the integrity for such a hefty responsibility. The sisters are giving her an important message, so cool your jets and let it happen. Be secure enough to allow it. Confidence is sexy, but wisdom is better.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I don't want to rain on your parade and I'm glad that you feel that you ar gaining insight.
Can I just please ask that you ask yourself why these answers and insights can't be shared on the open boards where they can be of use to others like you, who struggle with the same questions but for some reason don't want to pose.

Sure, there are things you don't want to share with everyone on the boards but sometimes people have other reasons not to post out in the open, where their opinions, because that's what we are talking about here - not facts, can be questioned by others.
A good reason to make sure your critical thinking is healthy and working and that you're not just listening to those who tell you what you want to hear.

A lot of times, it's just easier to talk via PMs. Less threadjacking.

 

[gingietastic55]

A lot of times, it's just easier to talk via PMs. Less threadjacking.

Agreed. I feel like it's much easier to keep focused and get exactly the answers I'm looking for. Although I will try to, with the go ahead of the other people involved, post a bit of that information here to help others looking for the same thing.

 

[Sinpain]

What's going on is actually a positive thing. Although personal affronts are happening, the fact which remains is transparent: a girl is vulnerable. The advice being given comes from those who've experienced the issue, and the issue is a reality. Being vulnerable and bearing the soul opens one up to destruction. Offering that pristine gift and having it honored? Who wouldn't want to be slave to that? Being trusted with that most precious treasure, knowing the power lies in lap to destroy but do not? Who wouldn't want to be master to that?

Given the opportunity, most human beings lack the integrity for such a hefty responsibility. The sisters are giving her an important message, so cool your jets and let it happen. Be secure enough to allow it. Confidence is sexy, but wisdom is better.

Licia, I AM secure enough, which is why I suggested she make thei thread in the first place, and also... experienced others who claim to be a dom. What isn't clear enough, that hasn't been made clear, at least three times in this thread?

It's like.. there's a lack of reading comprehension skills around here.

I'm stepping away from this now, as I' really hate repeating myself.

I've said all I can.

 

[Sinpain]

Agreed. I feel like it's much easier to keep focused and get exactly the answers I'm looking for. Although I will try to, with the go ahead of the other people involved, post a bit of that information here to help others looking for the same thing.

Sorry, I really thought this would work, since I've seen it happen positively in the past. I think you should just start a thread in the BSDM personals, in search of a dom.

 

[IrisAlthea]

A lot of times, it's just easier to talk via PMs. Less threadjacking.

Sure, there are perfectly valid reasons to talk via PMs, but there are people who never post where others can read and have an opinion about what they are saying.
Bottom line - remember to use critical thinking.

 

[Licia]

Licia, I AM secure enough, which is why I suggested she make thei thread in the first place, and also... experienced others who claim to be a dom. What isn't clear enough, that hasn't been made clear, at least three times in this thread?

It's like.. there's a lack of reading comprehension skills around here.

I'm stepping away from this now, as I' really hate repeating myself.

I've said all I can.

T'wasn't meant as a judgment, actually. You personally being insecure. Reading comprehension, I think, isn't the problem. It's the distance of the interwebs cock-blocking clearer communications.

What's happening in the thread "mirrors" what can happen in real time. I assume new doms could be unprepared for a shit-storm, so I cast in two pennies to play devil's advocate. There's a lot of change on the table now, wanna count it out?

 

[HottieMama]

Licia, I AM secure enough, which is why I suggested she make thei thread in the first place, and also... experienced others who claim to be a dom. What isn't clear enough, that hasn't been made clear, at least three times in this thread?

If you were THAT secure, you would be posting under your real username and not an alt. In these forums, posting under an alt makes you lose the majority of your credibility.

 

[gingietastic55]

If you were THAT secure, you would be posting under your real username and not an alt. In these forums, posting under an alt makes you lose the majority of your credibility.

Whether or not Sinpain is an alt. really isn't the issue here. I've had a very positive experience with him and I would like to put an end to all of the personal attacks. If someone has an issue on this thread please take it to PMs (That's what they're there for) This thread is for newbies, like myself, looking for advice not for people to get into immature arguments out in the open. If anyone has personal issues with other posters on this thread please leave it at the door and lets leave productive and actually helpful responses relevant to the topic!

Please, let's all just stay focused on what this is actually about: Advice for people getting started!

Kthanks!

 

[Chiara_searches]

Whether or not Sinpain is an alt. really isn't the issue here.

To me, it is the issue. People are telling you that good relationships start with honesty and without someone ridiculously power tripping over slaughtering the English language. A lack of honesty in his original post, or perhaps more objectively, an attempt to hide that he was the person of whom you were speaking, was a red flag. Signs continuing toward less than forthright behavior has people (well at least myself) worried.

Submissive frenzy (or what ever label applies to you) sucks. Take it from someone who has been there and who is trying to tell you about getting started. Don't get started on the wrong foot even if he is not your dominant. Use your critical thinking skills; don't over look other red flags that may have occurred. If something feels wrong, it is wrong. If it is really hard to make things work, it's also wrong. It is hard, even with support and encouragement, to put one's self right again if the submissive frenzy is experienced in what is, ultimately, a detrimental way.

Your original post did not leave me with the impression that you wanted a chart of mechanical steps; if you don't like that some people (well at least myself) are trying to give you advice to protect your emotional well-being when first starting out, remember that we have the right to speak our minds here. You've generally been given sound advice to proceed cautiously, especially in light of the online aspect. Not all the answers you will get will be exactly what you want to hear. That's generally how it goes in life.

 

[gingietastic55]

To me, it is the issue. People are telling you that good relationships start with honesty and without someone ridiculously power tripping over slaughtering the English language. A lack of honesty in his original post, or perhaps more objectively, an attempt to hide that he was the person of whom you were speaking, was a red flag. Signs continuing toward less than forthright behavior has people (well at least myself) worried.

Submissive frenzy (or what ever label applies to you) sucks. Take it from someone who has been there and who is trying to tell you about getting started. Don't get started on the wrong foot even if he is not your dominant. Use your critical thinking skills; don't over look other red flags that may have occurred. If something feels wrong, it is wrong. If it is really hard to make things work, it's also wrong. It is hard, even with support and encouragement, to put one's self right again if the submissive frenzy is experienced in what is, ultimately, a detrimental way.

Your original post did not leave me with the impression that you wanted a chart of mechanical steps; if you don't like that some people (well at least myself) are trying to give you advice to protect your emotional well-being when first starting out, remember that we have the right to speak our minds here. You've generally been given sound advice to proceed cautiously, especially in light of the online aspect. Not all the answers you will get will be exactly what you want to hear. That's generally how it goes in life.

I do sincerely thank you for your words of warning. I know I can naive and it never hurts to hear a reminder to think with level head. The only reason why Sinpain didn't say in the first post that he was the DOM I had been speaking to was because he wanted this post to be mine. Not something he was a part of or controlling or anything like that. I know everyone has their own perspective on the situation but lets stop painting with such a large brush. He had his reasons for not coming out and saying it was him I had been speaking to right form the get go but the fact of the matter is when it got to the point where it came up, he fully admitted it. I feel like this situation has been blown *way* out of proportion. We can keep talking about it on and on or we call all just agree to let it go.


On another, related issue, Sinpain is NOT an alt. He is a good and honest person so let's all just let that one go too.


I really do thank you for your advice of caution but I think it's best to just let this all go. I clearly know what I'm getting with Sinpain better than those posters who have shown their concern. And with that, let's all just take the high road and drop the drama.

Thanks.

 

[Etoile]

If someone has an issue on this thread please take it to PMs (That's what they're there for) This thread is for newbies, like myself, looking for advice not for people to get into immature arguments out in the open. If anyone has personal issues with other posters on this thread please leave it at the door and lets leave productive and actually helpful responses relevant to the topic!

Please, let's all just stay focused on what this is actually about: Advice for people getting started!

That may be what you wanted the thread to be about, but as nobody owns a thread, they can take on lives of their own quite easily. We can't dictate what we want threads to be about - you can ask, but you can't force people to only post how you want in a thread.

 

[Stella_Omega]

DOM

dom

There-- I feel more balanced, lexicographically speaking.

 

[JMohegan]

What is the start of a "normal" D/s relationship like?

Step 1, check for physical attractiveness.

Step 2, approach and initiate conversation. Introductory check for general compatibility.

Step 3, invite on a relatively low-key date; continue compatibility check.

Step 4, ask out again; continue exploration of compatibility.

And so on. I don't go looking for an s-type; I look for someone who's a good fit for me, the individual. Control issues are just one part of that package.

No fucking idea how you do this online, or why on earth you would want to.

I don't have to use lower case when referring to myself. The capitalization of the titles is more to emphasize the status and as a sign of respect. It's the preference of the DOM I'm currently talking to so that's why I have titles written in all caps.

This is the online equivalent of s-types who insist on addressing all D-types as "Sir", or lower their eyes in the presence of a D-type until given permission to look up.

I find it annoying and, frankly, a big clue as to incompatibility. So this is directly on topic - see step 2, above. I'm just not into the trappings and formalities of D/s culture, online or off.

However, I think you should tell the people sneering and mocking you about the caps thing to fuck off. If it feels right or good or sexy to you to embrace this type of thing, it's no skin off their noses and none of their business. Rock on.

 

[Chiara_searches]

However, I think you should tell the people sneering and mocking you about the caps thing to fuck off. If it feels right or good or sexy to you to embrace this type of thing, it's no skin off their noses and none of their business. Rock on.

When advice is sought, and given, even if it's not what the inquirer wanted to hear, "fuck off" should be the last thing with which he or she responds. The OP asked for advice on the start of a d/s relationship. That's what she got, including cautions about what few red flags you can perceive in the online world: to wit, that some silly demands by "DOMS" are generalized indicators of a not so healthy start.

 

[JMohegan]

When advice is sought, and given, even if it's not what the inquirer wanted to hear, "fuck off" should be the last thing with which he or she responds. The OP asked for advice on the start of a d/s relationship. That's what she got, including cautions about what few red flags you can perceive in the online world: to wit, that some silly demands by "DOMS" are generalized indicators of a not so healthy start.

No need to be defensive.

If you responded with straightforward advice, that's not "sneering and mocking" - and therefore not what I'm talking about here.

 

[Noira]

DOM

dom

There-- I feel more balanced, lexicographically speaking.

Type it about fifty-seven more times. To restore balance to my soul.

I guessed Sinpain was her domly dom as soon as he popped into the thread and replied to her using all caps for DOM and SIR. No one else was doing that.

GUYS AND GALS AND EVERYONE IN BETWEEN: basic grammar rule. Capitalizing the first letter of the word makes it into the proper noun you are wanting. Putting it in all caps means you're shouting. Every time I read DOM I jerk a little bit because it SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE SCREAMING OVER THE INTERNET. Or possibly like you're very insecure and hope that capital letters will help. Whether or not this is the case remains to be seen--that's just how it comes across. I personally think kneejerk reaction grammar requirements maybe ought to be kept person to person, but that doesn't S/stop the P/people W/who post S/slashy T/things too and that causes about the same reaction in me. Me. M/me. Whatever. But first letter capitalized makes it a proper noun (like a name or a title) if that's what you're going for and all-caps doesn't do anything except annoy grammar nazis.


Alternatively, it looks like you're writing a script and then it's all:

INT. LITEROTICA - NIGHT
In a mysterious thread a drama plays out between a DOM and a SUB looking for advice on their new relationship.

SUB
(submissively)
I am looking for advice on my relationship with my DOM.

Because in movie scripts (formatted properly) the first time someone is named, their name will be in all caps, and when they talk, their name will be in all caps. I think I might just start writing in all caps SUB if I post here again to try make up for it and balance the world. Either that or post entirely in movie script formatting.

But in all seriousness, good luck. Online relationships are hard but sometimes you hit it off with a gem. For me weird grammar would be a red-flag turnoff because silly demands speak to me of insecurity and incompatibility, and the urge to dress things up with rituals to try look more official and all, but maybe you'll have found your true love. I fully expect that my demands for proper grammar would be a red flag incompatibility alert for some other people, and perhaps just unarousing for people who like fucking with my language.

Just take it easy and look at things with a clear head. This is the internet and it's your filter for the crazies.

 

[gingietastic55]

So, as is indicated here on this thread I'm new to this. I haven't had a whole lot oh experience but I have spent a deal of time with one person in particular. This person, this DOM, Sinpain, has helped open my eyes to so much about myself within the scope of BDSM and a real D/s relationship as well as outside of it. He's shown me things that were mind-blowing and so completely new that I never would have even thought of it had he not shown me. And these, scary, new things, the turn me on in the worst way. He brings out my inner slut and draws on my desire to please. He's seen me protest, moan, cum and even cry. He's shocked me to the core and brought out so many new and wonderful things in me and I love him for that. He's asked me to be sure that he is what and who I want and the more I looked the more sure I was that the way he makes me feel, the parts of me he is able to bring out, are things only he can elicit in me. So I'm open and ready, completely sure of myself in asking him to accept me as his sub. All I want is for him to be my MASTER. Each relationship has a unique start and I'd like this to be ours. So, SIR, I ask that you would please take me in as your sub, be my MASTER and let's continue this amazing journey we've started.

 

[Etoile]

So, as is indicated here on this thread I'm new to this. I haven't had a whole lot oh experience but I have spent a deal of time with one person in particular. This person, this DOM, Sinpain, has helped open my eyes to so much about myself within the scope of BDSM and a real D/s relationship as well as outside of it. He's shown me things that were mind-blowing and so completely new that I never would have even thought of it had he not shown me. And these, scary, new things, the turn me on in the worst way. He brings out my inner slut and draws on my desire to please. He's seen me protest, moan, cum and even cry. He's shocked me to the core and brought out so many new and wonderful things in me and I love him for that. He's asked me to be sure that he is what and who I want and the more I looked the more sure I was that the way he makes me feel, the parts of me he is able to bring out, are things only he can elicit in me. So I'm open and ready, completely sure of myself in asking him to accept me as his sub. All I want is for him to be my MASTER. Each relationship has a unique start and I'd like this to be ours. So, SIR, I ask that you would please take me in as your sub, be my MASTER and let's continue this amazing journey we've started.

Erm, that's great, but wouldn't most of that be better as a PM? What is the purpose of broadcasting it for all of us? That sounds more like something really personal and intimate that you would want to share with a lover, not open up to the world. (In other words: haters gonna hate, so be ready for it.)