Never done this before...

[Hikari]

Okay... All of my sexual fantasties are of me being taken in a rough way. I don't know why but it has always been a turn on for me. No matter what I do I always attract shy guys who are afraid they will hurt me. I've never really thought of S&M I'm just someone who's always wanted things a little rough. I feel kind of awkward posting here, but I don't know what to do. I've met a guy online. He's very nice and I like everything about him. He's told me he hates bondage because of past experiences with the last girl he dated. I feel sex with him will be great once it happens, but I am afriad he will be like my last boyfriend. He was shy and afraid, and he never made me submit the way I craved. I want to be toyed with and teased. Is that so much to ask? If you guys have any positive feedback please feel free to do so.

 

[FurryFury]

No, it's not too much to ask but, you have to be careful how you ask for it and when. In today's society what you want goes against most men's teachings and beliefs. It takes time, patience, and tons of communication to get what you want. Some are so closed off in these areas they simply won't even try.

Since you are not attached yet, this is a great time to try and figure out exactly what you do want before hooking up with someone. You'll have a much better chance of finding someone to give you what you feel a deep need for if you take the time to really know yourself first. I wish I had.

Good luck,

Fury

 

[Hikari]

No, it's not too much to ask but, you have to be careful how you ask for it and when. In today's society what you want goes against most men's teachings and beliefs. It takes time, patience, and tons of communication to get what you want. Some are so closed off in these areas they simply won't even try.

Since you are not attached yet, this is a great time to try and figure out exactly what you do want before hooking up with someone. You'll have a much better chance of finding someone to give you what you feel a deep need for if you take the time to really know yourself first. I wish I had.

Good luck,

Fury

Thank you for your advice, I will think on it greatly, but how do you know when to ask and what to ask for? I'm not thinking of anything big like whips or leather. I just want domination sometimes, because it is a real turn on for me.

 

[FurryFury]

Thank you for your advice, I will think on it greatly, but how do you know when to ask and what to ask for? I'm not thinking of anything big like whips or leather. I just want domination sometimes, because it is a real turn on for me.

First you need to know what Domination means to you. That one term can cover a lot of ground. So what is your idea of it? What elements make you wet and/or erect when you think about them and that you would really like to do in RL?

Fury

 

[bmw1080]

Hi Hikari
Are you sure you want to be dominated or to dominate? Think about it.

If you hook up with this person, after you "both" sense being more comfortable, why not take the initiative. Walk in the front door together and just grab him then, start stripping his clothes off. hopefully he will get the messge?

 

[Purple Sage]

Greetings, Hikari, (any relation to Dikari Dok?)
Sorting out in your mind what you really want is, of course, critical- but once that's done I think you're a lot better off looking for someone who really seems to want the same thing. Lot's of people don't know what they want, and you might help them find it, but if the guy already has experience and rejects it, it's probably going to be a frustrating, uphill struggle to get what you want from him- and there's a pretty good chance it won't happen at all.

 

[HL55]

Hope This Helps

Hikari, Knowing what you want/desire/need is the first step. EWxploring more fully those things before you begin will help you decide if this person is right for you... Time is needed as well as patience, many books are available as well as o/l groups to help you learn safely and with anonimity too.... Please feel free to PM or email if have questions or want help advice.. I have beeeen in the D/s BDSM lifestyle for many yrs an have many good friends who run groups to help teach an share information from all points of view, Dom/me sub Master/slave there are also local groups known as munches for when u ahve reached that point that promote learning an discussion in neutral settings ie places where trolling etc is actively discouraged....
Hope this helps an good luck
pax
HL

 

[protectiondog]

Where to start

I was wondering how does one get started in exploring the BDSM experience?
I am new, but on old dog. From northern Illinois and very much interested in learning more.

 

[FurryFury]

I was wondering how does one get started in exploring the BDSM experience?
I am new, but on old dog. From northern Illinois and very much interested in learning more.

Find a local group or "munch," eat a meal with them and talk. That's my advice.

Fury

 

[raven2]

Okay... All of my sexual fantasties are of me being taken in a rough way. I don't know why but it has always been a turn on for me. No matter what I do I always attract shy guys who are afraid they will hurt me. I've never really thought of S&M I'm just someone who's always wanted things a little rough. I feel kind of awkward posting here, but I don't know what to do. I've met a guy online. He's very nice and I like everything about him. He's told me he hates bondage because of past experiences with the last girl he dated. I feel sex with him will be great once it happens, but I am afriad he will be like my last boyfriend. He was shy and afraid, and he never made me submit the way I craved. I want to be toyed with and teased. Is that so much to ask? If you guys have any positive feedback please feel free to do so.

Hi Hikari,

Im not sure that i am best qualified to answer but I do know where you are coming from. I have had the same type of problems over the years with my wife only in the opposite way. I would like it more physical but she isn't into it much and it can be a real frustrating thing. We have tried different things (3+4 somes) to spice things up and she has tried and been more open to the physical but I always need to temper my reactions. I have met someone online an we are trying to do a little D/S. So our cases are similar.
I would advise that you meet and break the ice the first time and explore limits (esp his). Find out what he is comfortable with and try to push gently. Then increase the ante on subsequent times.