Neighbor mind control

[sirhugs]

a twisted sense of humour there...

 

[gunhilltrain]

I'm sure I watched a film or something where this was part of the plot. (Without magic.)

I guess you don't mean the same Twilight Zone episode I mentioned. That did have magic in the form of a potion. There also was an antidote for sale, because the guy with the store knew if always went awry.

 

[gunhilltrain]

a twisted sense of humour there...

I had a little trouble following what he was talking about. Maybe if broke it into short paragraphs it would be easier.

 

[AlinaX]

I guess you don't mean the same Twilight Zone episode I mentioned. That did have magic in the form of a potion. There also was an antidote for sale, because the guy with the store knew if always went awry.

No, it was something where both husband and wife were having affairs, and it turned out to be with the same person. The person was of ambiguous gender, somehow.

 

[gunhilltrain]

No, it was something where both husband and wife were having affairs, and it turned out to be with the same person. The person was of ambiguous gender, somehow.

I don't remember that one. It reminds me a bit of The Eternal Sunshine of the Spot Less Mind, in which Jim Carry and Kate Winslet both go to the same doctor/scientist who can selectively remove unwanted memories. They both want to forget each other and their failed affair, and I don't think they tell each other what they are doing. (I think the doctor knows, however.) Then, of course, they meet again (they may live in the same neighborhood) and they start the whole thing over again from scratch.

I'm probably not doing justice to it, but it's mostly a pretty clever movie.

 

[NegateGivity]

a twisted sense of humour there...

So you don't find this scenario funny? A Hot headed husband going to assault his wife's lover, coming back dejected.
Wife asks "what happened?"

Husband mumbles "I su.. ha du.."

"What?" she asks

"I SUCKED HIS DICK, OK!" He blurts out. "I went over to beat the shit out of him. As soon he opened his door, I fell to my knees and sucked his dick!"

Am I wrong to think this is a humorous scenario?

 

[AlinaX]

No, but the erotic is in the how and why and what-next. What you have is a horror story with a twist that - to outsiders - has a humorous irony.

 

[sirhugs]

No, but the erotic is in the how and why and what-next. What you have is a horror story with a twist that - to outsiders - has a humorous irony.

why is this a horror story?

 

[LupusDei]

Indeed, the story is in what to do with the "impossible" situation. One time could be weird fluke, but they keep fucking him everytime, unwilling unless in his presence.

The husband might hire someone to beat the neighbor for him; would he fuck them too?

Long range weapons?

In real world there likely would be rape charges. Would the neighbor fuck cops coming to arrest him?

If either is the case, or it's otherwise observed that the protagonist couple isn't the only ones the neighbor has this effect on, can they find a way to play that to their advantage? Sell tickets?

Is there a trigger? Need the person approaching the neighbor be angry at him to get fucked? Or it's some artifact on or near?

Is the neighbor himself aware of the effect? Do he actively work on it or is actually unhappy with it? Is it a imaginative curse, or twisted djinn wish cast on him?

 

[AlinaX]

why is this a horror story?

How is it not?

 

[gunhilltrain]

Indeed, the story is in what to do with the "impossible" situation. One time could be weird fluke, but they keep fucking him everytime, unwilling unless in his presence.

The husband might hire someone to beat the neighbor for him; would he fuck them too?

Long range weapons?

In real world there likely would be rape charges. Would the neighbor fuck cops coming to arrest him?

If either is the case, or it's otherwise observed that the protagonist couple isn't the only ones the neighbor has this effect on, can they find a way to play that to their advantage? Sell tickets?

Is there a trigger? Need the person approaching the neighbor be angry at him to get fucked? Or it's some artifact on or near?

Is the neighbor himself aware of the effect? Do he actively work on it or is actually unhappy with it? Is it a imaginative curse, or twisted djinn wish cast on him?

I think I bought the original premise, although there is not much clue as to where the story goes next.

It would be good perhaps to make these things more explicit, but it seems that the neighbor knows he was this mind control power and is specifically putting it to use here. It also seems he must be a bi-sexual male based on the plot points. It would be nice if it was explained how he got this power but I suppose it's not absolutely necessary.

It seems that the husband feels guilty because he was seduced himself. Probably, like most people, he can't imagine mind control exists because it is a secret. (The Masons did! Or maybe it was the Illuminati.) Anyway, that would explain (maybe) why he doesn't go right for the rape charge or long-range weapons or whatever.

Can the neighbor turn his power on and off at will? Does the power work only on the neighbors or does it work on other people too? Maybe this is the first time trying it out and he will use it for bigger and badder things later? As it stands, the story concept is still incomplete, half-baked.

A nitpick: Is it really necessary for the wife to be described as "curvy?" That whole curvy/big-breasted/bimbo/gorgeous etc. trope is so overused on here.

 

[gunhilltrain]

When I say magic, I don't mean like he's a wizard or anything like that. Just that for whatever reason this otherwise normal, mundane couple can't control themselves around him. It's something no party is in control of. The neighbor isn't making them do anything, but when they are near him husband and wife are like addicts. At least not initially, once neighbor realizes he has this power over the couple, then there are a few avenues this can go down. Is he magnanimous or does he become sadistic? Does he even want this power over these two? How do the couple react when everything they thought they knew about themselves is tossed out the window? Like I said earlier the mind control is vague and undefined for the purpose of the story. Right now I'm just working on the dichotomy of the couple who, prior to meeting the neighbor, thought they were happy. But being with neighbor makes them feel happier and freer than they have ever felt in their lives. Now they feel regret when they are away, but why? Do they regret their actions or what they lost? How do they proceed?
All of this because I thought "know what would be funny? A husband goes to confront his wife's lover and ends up blowing him. That would be funny." Then the snowball just rolls on from there.

I should have read this earlier. With all due respect, how about just writing this thing and not asking so many questions about how it should go. How do you want it to go? If you don't like the results, well, no big deal. Just drop it or maybe do it again. There is no shame in that. I've replaced entire stories because I wasn't satisfied with the initial versions.

 

[NegateGivity]

I apologize, I thought this was a forum to discuss story ideas. All I have is a very basic premise and was looking for feedback and help spitballing an idea. Apparently I was in error, and will refrain from looking for assistance in the future.

 

[AlinaX]

You weren't in error, and don't be like that. You just stumbled into a much larger conversation that has been going on forever. I think, also, you were never really clear about whether it was a mind control story or a punchline in need of a joke. You did get feedback, but it's up to you now to actually use it or not.

 

[sirhugs]

You weren't in error, and don't be like that. You just stumbled into a much larger conversation that has been going on forever. I think, also, you were never really clear about whether it was a mind control story or a punchline in need of a joke. You did get feedback, but it's up to you now to actually use it or not.

well said. nice touch.

 

[LupusDei]

well said. nice touch.

Seconded.

I apologize, I thought this was a forum to discuss story ideas. All I have is a very basic premise and was looking for feedback and help spitballing an idea. Apparently I was in error, and will refrain from looking for assistance in the future.

You shouldn't see the self centered persons discussion of their own issues in your thread randomly as anything more than that, nowhere near any form of authoritative opinion, even less take it personally.

People often get hooked, even triggered on aspects or nuances, perceived opinions or word meanings you aren't aware of, even least intended to discuss. Others are stuck on own kinks, yet others seem unable to imagine any alternative thought process outside their very own, even when that often is peculiar enough as it is.

All those are valid perspectives however, even if not always even vaguely relevant to where your original interest was.

 

[NegateGivity]

Sorry for not being clear. The initial idea came from the husband going to kick the wife's lover's ass, then he ends up blowing him. After that it rattled around in my head and morphed into a story where this straight laced, conservative couple end up sexualy enamored/ submissive to their neighbor. Although they regret their behavior when they get home, they do enjoy their actions. They keep vowing to avoid the neighbor but every interaction is intoxicating.
Meanwhile the neighbor has no idea what is going on, but is happy to take advantage of the situation.
So that's why I labeled it mind control. Because they instantly change their behavior when they come in contact. They are thrust into actions that excite and scare them.
That's the jist of what I have so far. No malevolent actors so far. Just a now confused couple and a neighbor who is benefiting.

 

[LupusDei]

Sorry for not being clear.

Nothing to apologize for, it's just the usual chaos of no fault from you. Look around, we're just now discussing effectiveness of Soviet propaganda under a title "Mom and son do stuff naked" for an example of a butchered thread.

 

[sirhugs]

Nothing to apologize for, it's just the usual chaos of no fault from you. Look around, we're just now discussing effectiveness of Soviet propaganda under a title "Mom and son do stuff naked" for an example of a butchered thread.

I could wrap it in coated paper and tie a string around it. Just kidding. A butcher shop would be a good location for stories though.

 

[gunhilltrain]

Sorry for not being clear. The initial idea came from the husband going to kick the wife's lover's ass, then he ends up blowing him. After that it rattled around in my head and morphed into a story where this straight laced, conservative couple end up sexualy enamored/ submissive to their neighbor. Although they regret their behavior when they get home, they do enjoy their actions. They keep vowing to avoid the neighbor but every interaction is intoxicating.
Meanwhile the neighbor has no idea what is going on, but is happy to take advantage of the situation.
So that's why I labeled it mind control. Because they instantly change their behavior when they come in contact. They are thrust into actions that excite and scare them.
That's the jist of what I have so far. No malevolent actors so far. Just a now confused couple and a neighbor who is benefiting.

The site contradicts itself in this category, but another site does the same thing. Mind-control is perhaps non-consensual by definition, but I think the site wants the endings to be consensual anyway. That's quite a stretch.

The one time I used it on another site, I got away with it because the male narrator does take a potion, but then he hallucinates everything that happens next. I only wrote it because it seemed to fit into a contest they were having. I think it wasn't a very good story and I'll probably never try that category again.

 

[gunhilltrain]

Nothing to apologize for, it's just the usual chaos of no fault from you. Look around, we're just now discussing effectiveness of Soviet propaganda under a title "Mom and son do stuff naked" for an example of a butchered thread.

That happens because the original topic gets played out (as on this one) and there is always a temptation to go to something else. I just did that on the "Naked Mom and Son" thread mentioned above. It's your fault, sirhugs, for mentioning trolls under bridges.