Needing dominance?

[sleepfairchild]

My boyfriend and i are in a great relationship and we trust each other a lot. He's kind of submissive in bed though and its the first time I've been with someone like that. I have a tendency to be attracted to arrogant assholes and those relationships didn't work out. But at the same time I crave that dominance from him. I've mentioned bdsm to him and he says its interesting, and I wouldn't want him to do something he isn't comfortable doing unless he wanted to.

We've been together just over a month, and he can be shy at times. He says he prefers me dominating him, which I will gladly do. But I would like him to be dominant with me as well. But I've been a little nervous about bringing it up.

Should I just tell him outright that I want him to dominate me? I've given some hints and I tease him a bit in bed. Should I wait for him to become dominant on his own? I'm conflicted. I don't want to ruin the relationship over it.

 

[Primalex]

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=722032

 

[sleepfairchild]

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=722032

Thanks

 

[Stella_Omega]

read the link in my sig, also.

 

[sleepfairchild]

Was the link to your essay? If so I liked it. I'll admit I'm kind of new and inexperienced in the bdsm world but I really want to try it with him. If I get terms mixed up I apologize. Thank you though

 

[Sweet_T]

If you are a true sub (never mind the BDSM lifestyle but if you find that you have always been sexually submissive in the past) you may always yearn for a dom. I had a LTR with someone who wasn't dominant and although he is a great person in every way I can think of, it did not not not work for me in the long run.

 

[draig_OMalley2]

One thing to keep in mind is that if he enjoys being submissive to you, then he understands your feeling of submissiveness from his own experience. This means, if he's as sensitive as it sounds like he might be (as opposed to the ass-holes you mention), he would readily embrace your expression of needs and wants.

Being submissive or dominant is not set in stone. Each relationship, if truthfully pursued, is its own adventure. It's too easy (and a bad mistake) to have preconcieved regulations for yourself and him as you embark on exploration. Exploration is just that...an adventure.

Talk it over frequently so you can each adjust to each other's responses to the adventure.

 

[subwannabe]

Defintely bring it up with him. I don't believe he is going to be shocked since you have already given several hints. I have to say that a couple should be willing to please each other for a relationship to be truly satisfying. He should give it his best shot. If the can't then in the long run you will be left unsatisfied.

 

[myjagr3]

IMO: I think you should have him read a few DOM stories here, both read together on the 1st one ask him "well, what do you think about the story?" Then hoping he will say he likes it.. If do give him another to read, get on your knees & start giving him a blowjob when he has risen and feeling naughty STOP! Say only my Dominate Master can have his way with me...
He might not know how to be dominate, I can't get mine to even chat about sex any kind of way because he is passive & shy we been together over decade we have been in a relationship. Pm me & let me know your outcome good luck!!!!

 

[HisPet21]

Deleted

 

[sleepfairchild]

It seems like he is willing, so far. He's never objected to me asking if he could be a little rougher with me, instead it seems like he makes note of it. He seems to genuinely want to try. For instance, he threw me off one day by dirty talking, which he hardly ever did before, but now he seems to like it. He's the type of person that takes time to come out of their shell, but I knew that instinctively when I met him. So I think it might come in little bits at a time, like how he was when we met. I know sometimes he gets nervous or draws a blank when I ask him about fantasies, and it seems he's becoming more open. He's also admitted to googling stuff about sex, such as "how to turn a girl on" and such, which I find cute and thoughtful. So, I hope for the best.

I by no means want to force him to do something he doesn't want to, and we're honest with each other, so if something really bothers him, I know he would tell me. Or I would ask if I was suspicious that there was something wrong.

Thanks for the input though, it was helpful.
(Sorry for such a late reply by the way.)