Need some help and advice

[Mistress_Blueeyes]

This is my first thread on here so please bare with me if I ramble. My boyfriend is into BDSM. He likes to be blindfolded and tied up. I want him to be my submissive but I think I may be too submissive my self to be the dominent one. Can any of you out there help me? I want to be dominent. I've been thinking that this is something I want to get into also but not really sure how. Any and all advice is welcome.

Mistress_Blueeyes

 

[shy slave]

Hi and welcome

I am a sub/slave so little help but there are several Dom/Mes on here who give good advice, there is also the library although it is having an overhaul.

I wish you well and have fun exploring x

 

[Vixandra]

Salutations Blueeyes and welcome to Lit, first and foremost.

Okay, to the task at hand.
There is no switch you can throw inside your head that says "Poof your a Domme, go forth and whip the masses."
Still- if you are/want to be dominant, act it, believe you are.
For me- I can be rather passive in public, but when I wear a certain pair of boots, hell itself can't mess with me without payin the price.
Now in private or amoung friends, I'm of a dominant nature, once I'm comfortable in the environment.

And, if you're not full-time-domme type, being a switch is okay too.
If you become his Domme, it doesn't have to be 24/7 either, make it suit the two of you.

And always- safe words are a good thing (yeah I have to say that, I'm a medic).
Welcome to our world.

 

[Peregrinator]

Try this

As a short-term workaround, just have a selfish day. Tell him he's under your crop today and then just...play. Do stuff that strikes your fancy. If it turns you on, it's sure to turn him on.

 

[s'lara]

This is my first thread on here so please bare with me if I ramble. My boyfriend is into BDSM. He likes to be blindfolded and tied up. I want him to be my submissive but I think I may be too submissive my self to be the dominent one. Can any of you out there help me? I want to be dominent. I've been thinking that this is something I want to get into also but not really sure how. Any and all advice is welcome.

Mistress_Blueeyes

Hello and welcome to the board Mistress_Blueeyes.

Here are some links which may help you in your explorations. For more topics other than what is listed below, please take a look at our Library. Good luck and safe journey.

BDSM Library link to Checklists

Addt'l links:
http://smvillage.com/Modules/checklist2/default.asp
http://www.asubmissivesjourney.com/bdsm_checklist.html
http://members.aol.com/MasterNik/BDSMCheckList.html

BDSM Library link to Dominance

BDSM Library link to Exploration

Addt'l link:
http://www.akashaweb.com/goodgirl.html

BDSM Library link to Limits

Addt'l links:
http://www.sexuality.org/l/bdsm/bdsmfaq.html
http://www.altsex.org/altsex-home.html
http://www.strangeland.net/bdsm/dom.html
http://www.sexuality.org/l/bdsm/handb_tw.html
http://www.bc1.com/~sassy/resource/organizations.html
http://www.darkheart.com/usalist.html
http://www.bedroombondage.com/bonda...iary/index.html
http://www.leatherviews.com/kinkyinfo/9549.htm
http://www.bedroombondage.com/bondageu/index.html
http://www.castlerealm.com/library/breast.shtml
http://www.iron-rose.com/IR/docs/breasts.htm

BDSM Library link to Literature

BDSM Library link to Relationships

BDSM Library link to Safewords and Safecalls

BDSM Library link to TPE (Total Power Exchange)

 

[pandoravampire]

tips

i found the links suggested very helpful with a lot of suggestions too.
You can boost your confidence by doing things the way that you receive the most pleasure from ie. a bj given to someone by myself for my pleasure is a very different bj that id do to please them.
Indulge yourself, its all about you you you. Be extravagant, luxuriate in having him at your beck and call.
Blindfold him so he cant see you, this can help sometimes.
start perhaps by having him prepare the environment to the way you desire, then you.
He's a lucky boy to have such a willing to please partner, whatever your 'title'.
good luck, have fun

 

[Betticus]

Re: tips

i found the links suggested very helpful with a lot of suggestions too.
You can boost your confidence by doing things the way that you receive the most pleasure from ie. a bj given to someone by myself for my pleasure is a very different bj that id do to please them.
Indulge yourself, its all about you you you. Be extravagant, luxuriate in having him at your beck and call.
Blindfold him so he cant see you, this can help sometimes.
start perhaps by having him prepare the environment to the way you desire, then you.
He's a lucky boy to have such a willing to please partner, whatever your 'title'.
good luck, have fun

Keep in mind that it is a mutual thing. He has needs as well that you should be thinking of. It is a quid pro quo situation for the most part. You have a need to dominate that gets fulfilled, he has a need to submit that gets fulfilled.

Communication is the key to any relationship. You have to know each other very well and keep each other happy. Or this relationship is over before it starts.

Good luck.

 

[Netzach]

Socially I'm actually pretty passive, agreeable, kind, (shhhh) and rather easy to get along with, if shy, sometimes I've been told I intimidate but I don't set out to.

Sadism/Dominance have, historically, been something I'm very vulnerable about, but they are definitely me.

 

[Mistress_Blueeyes]

I too have found the tips in the links helpful. Unfortunetly, due to work schedules (mine has gone crazy) and a case of the flu we havent had much time together. I'm thinking this Saturday is going to be a fun day. I'll leave things at this being a firefighter and medic has its advantages.

 

[MissTaken]

You could start by blindfolding him and ordering him to be still.

Then, manipulate his body in anyway you see fit. Do you enjoy teasing? adding sensation to your erotic play? Have a good time!

You are in control, so nothing happens that you aren't comfortable with.

And if he finds pleasure in serving you, this should be highly erotic for him, or not.

How you learn and grow will be through trial and error. Communicate with one another and all will be well.

And it is okay for you to want to switch. This is your life and your relationship, enjoy!