Need some advice..

[StaceyR]

Hey...I've been reading this forum for a while but I never posted, and I decided that I would ask for your advice on something that I've been thinking about a lot lately. Well I'm 18 and a senior in high school (yeah, I'm young, shush! ) and for some reason I've been fantasizing a lot lately about my softball coach..and the more I think about it the more I want to try something. He's 26 years old, not married, and I'm really attracted to him..I think he might be to me too. Would there be anything wrong with something happening between us if we both agreed to it? He couldn't get in trouble with the law if for some reason someone found out, since I'm 18, could he? I just want to have some fun and wouldn't want to get him into any sort of trouble. Well right nowit's just a fantasy and I'm still sorta of undecided about what I want to do anyway. I'm not sure if I have the courage to try anything, since it would be kinda awkward if he refused me..but if he didn't, wow that would make my week! Lol Anyways...I appreciate any advice you have to offer..thanks!

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

Hey...I've been reading this forum for a while but I never posted, and I decided that I would ask for your advice on something that I've been thinking about a lot lately. Well I'm 18 and a senior in high school (yeah, I'm young, shush! ) and for some reason I've been fantasizing a lot lately about my softball coach..and the more I think about it the more I want to try something. He's 26 years old, not married, and I'm really attracted to him..I think he might be to me too. Would there be anything wrong with something happening between us if we both agreed to it? He couldn't get in trouble with the law if for some reason someone found out, since I'm 18, could he? I just want to have some fun and wouldn't want to get him into any sort of trouble. Well right nowit's just a fantasy and I'm still sorta of undecided about what I want to do anyway. I'm not sure if I have the courage to try anything, since it would be kinda awkward if he refused me..but if he didn't, wow that would make my week! Lol Anyways...I appreciate any advice you have to offer..thanks!

He would most likely get fired if anyone found out...

 

[ChocolateHarlot]

Yeah, but if they didn't...?

 

[StaceyR]

I really doubt anyone would find out....but I was just wondering about what would happen if they did..

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

I really doubt anyone would find out....but I was just wondering about what would happen if they did..

It could even be a problem if you did anything after graduation, because people would always assume that something happened while you were a student.

 

[daiseelady]

As far as I know.... any relationship with a student... 18 or not...is grounds for being fired by most schools...

The reason being is this....

The schools consider students impressionable... (again, 18 or not) This is actually a rule that is in place to protect kids... while you may be psychologically ready to get involved with an older man... the girl that sits next to you in another class may not be... If that same softball coach was hitting on her... asking her out... and she said yes only because he is an authority figure... would that be right??? Even if she is 18?

Okay... before I start sounding all mom and preachy like.... School is out in 4 months... and then... he and you would both be free from trouble if you started to date... And... in the long run... 4 months is not a lot of time when you consider what he stands to lose *if* anyone found out...

My two cents...
~daisee

 

[sheath]

Hmmm...

Stacey, sweetie...I've been there. I know you say that you just want some 'fun'...but fun quickly turns into more, so I thought this advice would maybe fit here.

I was a high school junior when I began dating my much older music teacher. He and I were very much in love, and I still look back on my time with him with a smile. However, there were serious problems for us.

No one "found out", per se. But his colleagues knew. My closest friends knew. My parents suspected, but they did not know, and I always denied it if it ever came up. But it was hard to hide it when I wasn't dating any guys in high school and he was turning down all the female teachers who thought he was hot. And when you spend time together before and after class...and when he drives you home...well, people knew. It didn't cause problems for us in the school, other than his superior telling him, "watch what you do". Meaning, don't let it get out.

But rumor spreads like wildfire. No, he did not get fired. But a very stable and high-salaried job at a state university was denied for him on the basis of "integrity interviews" in which someone stated that he was dating a student. Several of his previously steady 'guest' jobs as a conductor or bandleader were mysteriously pulled the next year. He was asked to resign from certain organizations within the school. In short, he was not fired, but it was made clear that his behavior (dating me) was unacceptable.

We parted ways...I went to Nashville, he went to New Jersey to another school...and while I don't regret the time we shared, I do feel very badly about the changes it wrought in his career.

Now, it could have gone the other way. If he hadn't been life-long friends with his superior, he would likely have been fired on the spot, no questions asked. He missed out on several opportunities that would have possibly meant his career would have moved much further, much faster. So if I could go back and change things, I would have waited until I was out of school, or until he had transferred to another school...something. Anyway, I would have done things differently.

So...I think the advice from daiseelady is absolutely on target. Four months, sweetie...that's it. If he's worth it, then he is worth waiting four months. There would probably still be questions about when it started, exactly, but the administration technically couldn't do anything about it. But to be sure, keep a respectable distance. Don't make overt advances and don't spend a lot of time with him. Be careful. Then when school is out, give it a few weeks, and give him a call.

It's a dangerous game you play with the teachers...not for you, but for the future possibilities of HIS career. THAT SAID: you did point out that all you want is "fun". Problem is, just having fun could be frowned upon even more than a 'relationship' with the man.

In short...Back off for a while. Even if it is just a little 'fun', it can mean long-term consequences for him. You don't want to feel responsible for that...trust me!

S.

 

[StaceyR]

Well I definitely don't want to cause any trouble for him, so I guess it'll just have to remain a fantasy for now. However, being a high school softball coach isn't really his career, so it's a bit different than it would be if he was a teacher...he's just there for a few hours after school in the spring. And about whether I just want "fun" or a relationship, well, I'm not really too sure right now, I guess at first it would be just for fun but then it might evolve into something, who knows. Thanks a lot for all the responses on this, you guys and girls ar great

 

[DaPharoah]

to sheath

i cannot help but keep on admiring the way u write bet u have a sweet voice too

 

[Lust Engine]

While technically it's not illegal, it would cause all kinds of speculation over his career. The rumors of did he give you any special priveleges while you guys were "dating" would arise big time. It would also cast doubts about your own abilities as a ball player. He has a role to play as coach and you have a role as player now. Wait months afterwards and then see if there's still anything. Right now to initiate anything would seriously harm both of your integrities. While the both of you guys might deny everything, the court of public opinion will still cast you both in a negative light. Keep it up front; be professional about your attitudes within the sports realm.

I don't want to rain upon your parade, but you still have much more ahead of you. Don't ruin any reputation you might have already worked hard for over a simple crush or misunderstanding.

Good luck!

 

[SexyChele]

The one thing that is not truly being considered here - how does he feel? I have talked to men who either teach or coach high school girls, and while they admit there is an attraction, they consider these girls strictly off limits. There are even college professors who will not get involved with their students as long as the students are in their classes. There is a question of integrity involved, that most men do not want to deal with.

Also, if the school learns that he and you are having some extra curicular fun, it could spell the end of his coaching career - for good. This might be something he only does part time, but if he is unable to coach anywhere involving girls, that might be destroying a part of him that he looks forward to. Are you willing to have this happen to him to satisfy a "fantasy"?

Look, many girls in high school fantacize about their instructors. It's natural. I know when I was a junior, every girl was crazy about one of the English instructors. (I think it was because he was the only young guy on campus who didn't have pimples or peach fuzz) He was friendly with all of us, but distant and professional. And you know what? Right after high school, we were off chasing our college professors.

However, in our school, we did have a student marry one of the instructors not long after graduation. There were many suspicions about their relationship, as they had grown close while she was a senior. Yet, all of their on campus dealings were in the open. It did, however cause a scandal, and I do know that many parents called the school once the marriage took place. (The instructor was quite a few years older than the student) Parents were concerned their daughters were not being protected, and the high school had to initiate extra policies to ensure the relationship between instructors and students maintained a certain integrity.

Fantacize for now - nothing wrong with that. However, save any true interest for after graduation. And don't be surprised if he doesn't take an interest. Most teachers have already set in their minds that female students of off limits, and have difficulty seeing them as otherwise.

Good luck!

 

[sheath]

Re: to sheath

i cannot help but keep on admiring the way u write bet u have a sweet voice too

I appreciate that. Thanks!

S.

 

[Lust Engine]

Re: to sheath

i cannot help but keep on admiring the way u write bet u have a sweet voice too

...with a bit of a southern drawl to it to perhaps??

Oooo la la!

 

[sheath]

Re: Re: to sheath

...with a bit of a southern drawl to it to perhaps??

Oooo la la!

I AM in Tennessee, after all...

The southern drawl is the best part.

S.

 

[Lust Engine]

Re: Re: Re: to sheath

I AM in Tennessee, after all...

The southern drawl is the best part.

S.

I'm sure there are other gloriously wonderful parts about you worthwhile drooling over!

 

[StaceyR]

Alright, then what if it was just a one time thing, to fulfill my fantasy...no one would know and we wouldn't be seen together outside of softball, so then nothing bad would happen to either of us?

 

[Lust Engine]

Alright, then what if it was just a one time thing, to fulfill my fantasy...no one would know and we wouldn't be seen together outside of softball, so then nothing bad would happen to either of us?

You make it seem as though you can just dine & dash here! What about his own integrity? How would he feel afterwards? Do you care for him that way or do you just want to have a cheap fling??

"Nothing bad would happen to either of us"?? Is that a little naive? Do you think you can just have a little jaunt with him and then forget about it? You're already fantasizing about it now, building it up... will you be so eager to forget about it once you've tasted the forbidden fruit??

Many things to consider here. It's not as easy as you may think.

 

[PinkOrchid]

 

[peachykeen]

Yeah. What she said.

 

[Weird Harold]

While technically it's not illegal, ...

That very much depends on the jurisdiction. I'm pretty sure that it is illegal for any school employee to have sexual relations with a student here in Nevada -- whether they are directly involved in teaching the student or not. That would include the teachers, administrators, janitorial staff, and part-time coaches.

StacyR,
Leave it as a fantasy! Even a one night stand can have long lasting consequences to his reputation and yours -- Birth Control is NOT 100% effective. Even a suspicion that you're involved with him will raise questions about how long you were involved, who else he's involved with, and so forth. Simply being investigated for improper relations with a student could destroy his life and reach far beyond a part-time coaching job.

 

[Lust Engine]

That very much depends on the jurisdiction. I'm pretty sure that it is illegal for any school employee to have sexual relations with a student here in Nevada -- whether they are directly involved in teaching the student or not. That would include the teachers, administrators, janitorial staff, and part-time coaches.

I just meant legally they are both of legal age. I didn't take into any consideration of employment or positions of authority.

But Stacey, please... we don't mean to be harsh but not only are you jeopardizing his career, but both of your reputations. It might not seem like much now but it's awfully tough to get your credibility back once you've had this taint your image.

Like PinkOrchid said, it's great you're willing to hear other points of view but trust us on this one!

As someone who has to deal with young women on a semi-regular basis, I keep my office door open even during conferences just so I don't even appear to be in a compromising situation. In this day & age of lawsuits galore, I'd advise him to treat you like a professional too.

 

[StaceyR]

Lol, alright, you've talked me out of it...I guess it'll just have to remain a fantasy! Thanks for all of the honest and helpful advice

Stacey

 

[James G 5]

Aside from the ethics & legality of the GUY doing it, Monica Lewinsky got off to a start seducing a high school teacher
You want to follow in her footsteps?

Also, everyone's talking about his JOB
Didn't you say he's married?
Assuming you could seduce him & not cost him his job or jail time, you could ruin his marriage

Gotta ask yourself if you want that sort of Karma

Far too many people take a cavalier attitude towards marriage vows, IMHO

Assuming he'd break them casually to have even a one night stand with you, he's not much of a man
Assuming he broke down & did it NOT casually, that could very well eat at him for a long time

Again, Karma you want to live with?
I hope not

 

[StaceyR]

I said he's not married...but I'm not gonna try it anymore more anyways..

 

[James G 5]

I said he's not married...but I'm not gonna try it anymore more anyways..

Whoops I misread that
What a waste of an otherwise loveable rant LOL


I stand by the Lewinsky comment tho
Glad you're not going to grow up to be a humidor