Need editor for first erotic story

[GrayCricket20]

Hi. I am seeking an editor for my first erotic story. I am sorry that I do not have more experience, but everyone's got to start somewhere, right? My story falls into the category of BDSM, I suppose, but there's nothing extremely violent/painful in it. It's about this older dominant man who has a bizarre obsession with a younger woman whom he assumes is also dominant, but she surprises and arouses him by admitting her submissiveness to him. Sex follows, predictably. I have tried my best to develop the characters thoroughly, given that the entire story takes place within a few hours, and I think I have done a decent job of that, and as far as I know the sex is also reasonably well-written, but I'm hesitant to submit the story without at least one person to proofread it. I think I am good on grammar, but I would like some help with characterization/plot flow. Something about the characterization rings false, but I can't quite pin down what it is. If there's anyone out there who's willing to read my story and let me know what exactly is wrong, from an objective point of view, I'd appreciate it.

Thanks

 

[snooper]

Read your PMs.

 

[Clive Cromwell II]

Need editor

Hey Cricket.

Send me your story if you like and I'll give it a read for you. I'm a volunteer editor and I always like to read a woman's point of view.

Clive

 

[snooper]

Re: Need editor

Hey Cricket.

Send me your story if you like and I'll give it a read for you. I'm a volunteer editor and I always like to read a woman's point of view.

Clive

Yes - do that. Two heads are better than one.