Need another opinion

[MarJan]

I (We) have only two submissions and both fairly well received. However, one person sent an email and said, "if my wife did that to me, I'd be tempted to throw her against the wall and beat the crap out of her." He didn't leave his name so that I reply.

So I will bring it here, maybe he reads these boards also. I thought I had developed the story to show, that the final events were part of his fantasies and not just his wife's. I have been reading the feedback boards about character development, activities that don't contribute to the story, etc. I see similar errors in my stories, but did I really miss the mark (no pun intended) and mislead the reader on this one?

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=51536

Thanks, Marjan

 

[Guest]

I started reading the story with my peasonal idea of 'Loving Wives' in mind. Yes, Mark and Jan enjoy sex, and they are far from letting the excitment dissipate. The idea of threesome with another person was entertained between the couple. So the story goes...

Best friend, Tina was introduced, and there is the teasing lesbian scene. At this point, an idea formed in my mind. Threesome with a best friend (N.B. my personal idea). Characters behaved accordingly.

I was taken by surprise when story took the turn toward foursome, including the husband's humiliation. Even though I did understand that the scene had been set up by Jan and Tina, Mark hadn't. In addition to that, element of inter-racial 'rape' (as far as the husband is concerned) was brought in without a warning.

Yes, in the end, Mark confirmes he did indeed enjoy the whole episode. Unfortunately, however, there would be people who are offended by the above mentioned points in a fantasy story.

I'll leave grammar to the pros. I did notice a few mistakes. One thing I'd say is that some of paragraphs are too long for my eyes.

I hope this helps to understand the feedbacker's comment.

 

[SexyChele]

I personally think this story is very hot! What a great imagination you have!

But, I can see where your anonymous "feedbacker' might have gotten upset. It seems like you kind of threw in a little bit of everything into this story - but you touched on 2 "biggies" that can cause some readers to become a bit upset.

One, is the stereotypical "black stud" raping a white woman. Not everyong goes for the interracial fantasy. I know some people might even be offended by this. This is not to say that this type of fantasy is bad or wrong. But, if a reader clicks onto a story in the "Loving Wives" section, and then starts reading about interracial sex, it can be a shocker.

But the second "biggie" is probably what your reader is referring to. Man on man action is not something that most men (or women, either) want or desire to read about in a fantasy, unless they are bi or gay. (there are some exceptions to this, yes.) By having your male character engaging in fellatio with another man, especially when the story is talking about the male character's fantasy, may seem misleading to most people. And by having the male character's wife more or less "forcing" her husband to participate, would probably cause a certain segment of men to do to their wive what your reader stated.

I'm not saying your anonymous reader is right or wrong with his views. But I can see if he clicked onto "Loving Wives" and found that part of that was to have the "loving wife" feed her husband another's man's penis, that he would feel "cheated" and "mislead".

If that is the only negative feedback you've received, then so be it. But if you receive more, hopefully this will help figure out where they are coming from.

 

[Axeltheswede]

Well written story, if a big long in some of the narrative passages.

It is like you went to the Chinese Restaurant of "Loving Wives" and took one from column A, one from column B, etc. There are some distinct sub-genres for "wife-watching" stories. They are; bi-sexual (male or female), creampie, interracial, gangbang, submissive (male or female), group (threesomes & swapping), and just like to watch stories.

As SexyChele pointed out, you had a nifty little threesome going. Then you scared the crap out of the poor guy (and your readers) with the pseudo robbery. After that was the Chinese banquet covering every aspect of the genre.

I have seven "Loving Wives" stories posted here. I can tell you from experience, fans of one sub-genre are not neccessarily fans of the others. Give readers a good, well told story, within the basic boundaries and they will love you. Mix all the aspects in a blender and serve them up, you will get called on it. You'll probably get trashed in the voting in the bargain.

I think this is a fairly accurate portrait of the way things are with this type of story. I like to stretch myself too. But, crossing various aspects does little except piss people off.

Good luck with your future story posts. I hope this has helped.

 

[MarJan]

Thanks for the feedback. I didn't realize it, but I guess I did take the reader on an unexpected roller coaster ride with that one.

In the future, I will try to eliminate some of the twists and turns so the reader isn't overwhelmed or surprised.

All good comments, Thanks again. Marjan

 

[Axeltheswede]

Nice of you to acknowledge feedback. I wonder if some authors post here and go off to pout when the feedback isn't glowing.

You have the talent to craft many good "Loving Wives" stories, if that is the category that interests you.

I know from experience, it is possible to build a readership with good stories in this genre. Each subsequent story will attract new readers. And those people will check out your previous posts if they like a story.