HoneyBunny
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Need advice from happily married men
- Thread starter HoneyBunny
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cyndiesweet
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Sorry I'm not a guy but I have been happily married for 11 years. Can you open the lines of communication with him? Ask him what's going on?
We had to have that conversation a few years ago. It was me not him that was uninterested but still we really needed to open up about it.
Maybe there is something he wants to do that turns him on that he is afraid to tell you about?
I'll get my husband to look at this too, maybe he has some better insights.
We had to have that conversation a few years ago. It was me not him that was uninterested but still we really needed to open up about it.
Maybe there is something he wants to do that turns him on that he is afraid to tell you about?
I'll get my husband to look at this too, maybe he has some better insights.
HoneyBunny
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No, that's not it, I have asked if there is anything he would like
he claims to be satisfied.
he claims to be satisfied.
cyndiesweet
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Well crap. So much for my brilliant insights
But just to play devils advocate, it took my husband 8 years to ask me to do something he really wanted and it took me even longer to open up enough to really feel like I could do or say anything and he would still be ok with it not be shocked or turned off by it.
On a totally different note, when we had our big discussion about frequency etc. I realized how important it was to him and started taking some herbs to step up my libido(did I spell that right?).I did a lot of research first though. If you want specifics, I can give them to you. The short of it is now I am chasing him around most of the time.
But I think he likes it that way anyway.
But just to play devils advocate, it took my husband 8 years to ask me to do something he really wanted and it took me even longer to open up enough to really feel like I could do or say anything and he would still be ok with it not be shocked or turned off by it.
On a totally different note, when we had our big discussion about frequency etc. I realized how important it was to him and started taking some herbs to step up my libido(did I spell that right?).I did a lot of research first though. If you want specifics, I can give them to you. The short of it is now I am chasing him around most of the time.
But I think he likes it that way anyway.HoneyBunny said:
You may not have been specific enough. I've been there, and there is a world of difference between the wife asking if I would like to (for example) try anal sex, or give her a 'facial', or try a threesome (MMF or MFF). Those are all radical changes for most people, but radical changes are what turns most men on. Just asking if he wants to try something different or changing the way you dress is probably not enough to get his creative and other juices flowing. He may be afraid to talk abut his more 'out there' fantasies if you have a conventional sex life.
Im Not Married And far from it, But Everyone is being optimistic in this post i dont know if anyone else had this cross there mind? And im not saying this is whats going on ust a question so dont try to kill the poor guy or anything but, If Hes not interested in a atractive woman such as yourself Are you sure there isnt anyone else on the side? Many people find that if there spouse at that age loses interest in their sex life its because its being satisfied else where.....?????????
Mickie
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Happily married most of the last fourteen years of wedded bliss. I guess I've been in his boat a time or two. I listen to the wife, though. (she won't let me not listen! ) and she'll explain exactly what she thinks the problem is. Usually I just agree with her and go on with life.
Part of the problem during the time I wasn't really interested in sex was that I was busy doing other things. Work, mostly. I was tired a lot, so a simple quickie was all I needed. It changed, as most things do. For a while, the wife was the one who didn't want to do more than sleep at night. It goes back and forth over the years.
Lack of interest in sex is not a definite indication of infidelity. Don't go there unless you really think it might be true. I know if someone accused me of getting a piece on the side merely because I didn't want it all the time at home I'd come unglued. It's an unfair accusation unless there are more clues and proofs.
Mickie
) and she'll explain exactly what she thinks the problem is. Usually I just agree with her and go on with life. Part of the problem during the time I wasn't really interested in sex was that I was busy doing other things. Work, mostly. I was tired a lot, so a simple quickie was all I needed. It changed, as most things do. For a while, the wife was the one who didn't want to do more than sleep at night. It goes back and forth over the years.
Lack of interest in sex is not a definite indication of infidelity. Don't go there unless you really think it might be true. I know if someone accused me of getting a piece on the side merely because I didn't want it all the time at home I'd come unglued. It's an unfair accusation unless there are more clues and proofs.
Mickie
cyndiesweet
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Mickie said:Happily married most of the last fourteen years of wedded bliss. I guess I've been in his boat a time or two. I listen to the wife, though. (she won't let me not listen!
Interested in self preservation eh?
[/Quote] Lack of interest in sex is not a definite indication of infidelity. Don't go there unless you really think it might be true. I know if someone accused me of getting a piece on the side merely because I didn't want it all the time at home I'd come unglued. It's an unfair accusation unless there are more clues and proofs.
Mickie [/QUOTE]
I agree don't go there unless you are pretty certain there are other indications.
As Mickie said there are ups and downs in a marriage it doesn't mean there is infidelity at all.
I feel The same way, Why it took me so long to acualy say it. Obviously i cant Decipher if he is faithful or not im sure she Has a very very good idea if he is or not. But plain truth is Alot of people dont want to see the bad and will blind themselves from it, that being the only reason i brought it up. Although very remote and unlikely that its the case but it is a posibility so i think it should still be stated.
batter
Lick me 'til i scream!
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HoneyBunny
is he under stress from work, financial happenings at home, layoffs etc.? perhaps marital problems?
if he is, he should be talking about it to you. stress can affect a persons health greatly. especially mentally.
i hope it is a simple solution and that he is not thinking about someone else.
not much help, but just a thought.
good luck!
is he under stress from work, financial happenings at home, layoffs etc.? perhaps marital problems?
if he is, he should be talking about it to you. stress can affect a persons health greatly. especially mentally.
i hope it is a simple solution and that he is not thinking about someone else.
not much help, but just a thought.
good luck!
Aphrodisiac
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Natalie Nessus
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First of all, not all couples have the same sexual drive. Maybe he is satisfied?
Can I suggest a little role playing scene? Perhaps you can take control (it is fun ) and allow him to be passive. After ten years, it's time to be a little wild, that is of course, if you trust each other?
Sometimes we take sex to seriously? And it is possible he's suffering from performance anxiety because he believes you expect to much?
Take control, honey - you're going to love it
Can I suggest a little role playing scene?
Perhaps you can take control (it is fun ) and allow him to be passive. After ten years, it's time to be a little wild, that is of course, if you trust each other?Sometimes we take sex to seriously?
And it is possible he's suffering from performance anxiety because he believes you expect to much? Take control, honey - you're going to love it
cactiphile
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Firstly, Ill repeat what someone else said, peoples
sex drives are different. I live with an over active sex drive
compared to my wifes and it means we have had to adjust to get used to it.
Second, repeating again. HEALTH, as well as stress, being overweight or smoking, taking ANY medication at all can affect sex drive.
Thirdly my suggestion to get him going, is tie him to the bed,
and use him for as long and as you like. If he cums just carry
on regardless until he gets hard again. It doesnt matter that you are taking control or being aggrestive as long as you both are getting some.
q.
sex drives are different. I live with an over active sex drive
compared to my wifes and it means we have had to adjust to get used to it.
Second, repeating again. HEALTH, as well as stress, being overweight or smoking, taking ANY medication at all can affect sex drive.
Thirdly my suggestion to get him going, is tie him to the bed,
and use him for as long and as you like. If he cums just carry
on regardless until he gets hard again. It doesnt matter that you are taking control or being aggrestive as long as you both are getting some.
q.
Lorindellia
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Cactiphile wrote:
Thirdly my suggestion to get him going, is tie him to the bed,
and use him for as long and as you like. If he cums just carry
on regardless until he gets hard again. It doesnt matter that you are taking control or being aggrestive as long as you both are getting some.
Humm, what if he cums in say like one. one minute, she isn't anywhere near where she needs to be and he is incapable of obtaining a second erection? What then? This could wind up being an exercise in total frustration for m'lady.
It is my experience that it is so much easier to make a male orgasm, than a woman, who requires lots of attention, stimuli, and mmmm what ever she responds best to... so as a woman, I suggest that you tailor an exciting night to what you think he really would get turned on by, but not to do anything that would overstimulate him until you have achieved at least one orgasm, or in my case, several.
I have the same issue with a lover I really enjoy being with. It is his desire for me that actually causes us sexual problems. I can not tell you the number of times he has cum all over my belly, the bed, or even inside me on the very first "plunge" and words can not express the frustration this brings on, on the occaisions that he is unable to achieve a second erection.
This is a sensitive issue for us women in this situation, so guys, chime in... The oversexed woman with the undersexed man? And in talking to most of my friends there are really hundreds more of us than our opposing counterparts.
Also I think a cock ring could help, but as a woman I am terrified to "hurt" him, so guys tell us about the proper use of a cock ring, what it does, how it works (does it work?) and what is the best type to get.
Yours for the Moment,
Lorindellia
Thirdly my suggestion to get him going, is tie him to the bed,
and use him for as long and as you like. If he cums just carry
on regardless until he gets hard again. It doesnt matter that you are taking control or being aggrestive as long as you both are getting some.
Humm, what if he cums in say like one. one minute, she isn't anywhere near where she needs to be and he is incapable of obtaining a second erection? What then? This could wind up being an exercise in total frustration for m'lady.
It is my experience that it is so much easier to make a male orgasm, than a woman, who requires lots of attention, stimuli, and mmmm what ever she responds best to... so as a woman, I suggest that you tailor an exciting night to what you think he really would get turned on by, but not to do anything that would overstimulate him until you have achieved at least one orgasm, or in my case, several.
I have the same issue with a lover I really enjoy being with. It is his desire for me that actually causes us sexual problems. I can not tell you the number of times he has cum all over my belly, the bed, or even inside me on the very first "plunge" and words can not express the frustration this brings on, on the occaisions that he is unable to achieve a second erection.
This is a sensitive issue for us women in this situation, so guys, chime in... The oversexed woman with the undersexed man? And in talking to most of my friends there are really hundreds more of us than our opposing counterparts.
Also I think a cock ring could help, but as a woman I am terrified to "hurt" him, so guys tell us about the proper use of a cock ring, what it does, how it works (does it work?) and what is the best type to get.
Yours for the Moment,
Lorindellia
quarterbackrr
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Stress? Money? etc..
I am a married man with a very normal life. I have children and a nice job and hobbies. The one thing I have that I dont want is stress. We never really know where it comes from or what it is really for, but it is there. I greatly enjoy sex and would never turn it down, but your mind can really mess with your urges if you are stressed or thinking of to many things at once. Definetaly talk with him and if that doesnt work try masturbating slowly and erotically in bed when you know that he will be getting to bed in a few minutes. I think he will see that you are horny, opening up infront of him and doing something that might be diferent. He might just open up alittle to you and start a discussion for future things.
Just my thoughts and opinions, by no means am I a professional therapist so please take them as you will. I hope things work out for you.
I am a married man with a very normal life. I have children and a nice job and hobbies. The one thing I have that I dont want is stress. We never really know where it comes from or what it is really for, but it is there. I greatly enjoy sex and would never turn it down, but your mind can really mess with your urges if you are stressed or thinking of to many things at once. Definetaly talk with him and if that doesnt work try masturbating slowly and erotically in bed when you know that he will be getting to bed in a few minutes. I think he will see that you are horny, opening up infront of him and doing something that might be diferent. He might just open up alittle to you and start a discussion for future things.
Just my thoughts and opinions, by no means am I a professional therapist so please take them as you will. I hope things work out for you.
Lorindellia said:
There are lots of ways to have sex without an erection. A great "tongue-lashing" is usually appreciated by the wife. When she returns the favor, it's not really surprising that certain things can firm up quickly, if they haven't by the time I'm done with her.
We also recently picked up a new BOB - with a REMOTE. Woohoo!! What guy doesn't like remotes? It's in our DNA.
Lorindellia
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login said:
There are lots of ways to have sex without an erection. A great "tongue-lashing" is usually appreciated by the wife. When she returns the favor, it's not really surprising that certain things can firm up quickly, if they haven't by the time I'm done with her.
We also recently picked up a new BOB - with a REMOTE. Woohoo!! What guy doesn't like remotes? It's in our DNA.
Wow, I must not have been clear in my post. At issue is his premature ejaculation while giving me a toungue lashing, or otherwise stimulating me. Of course I reciprocate. The question remains how do we prevent the premature ejaculation to begin with?
Yours for the Moment,
Lorin'
Lorindellia said:
There was a pretty good discussion about this on a previous thread:
http://literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=11666
sweetpeaz321
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To jump start my husband (who frequently goes into his proverbial cave) I first back off and give him ample space.
Then I make him a wonderfully hot and dirty video of me.
I do lots of little masterbation scenes (with differant clothes for each) all the while talking to him.
I found this to be a safe way to show him some of my fantasies as well.
Then I make him a wonderfully hot and dirty video of me.
I do lots of little masterbation scenes (with differant clothes for each) all the while talking to him.
I found this to be a safe way to show him some of my fantasies as well.
cyndiesweet
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Happy Anniversary HoneyBunny!!
I know it's too late for this but if you want it to be really hot for a specific occasion make him wait a while.ZLet me clarify, if you normally have sex everyday make him wait three days before the big event ifit is normally once a week then make him wait two and tell him why.
I know it's too late for this but if you want it to be really hot for a specific occasion make him wait a while.ZLet me clarify, if you normally have sex everyday make him wait three days before the big event ifit is normally once a week then make him wait two and tell him why.
Lorindellia
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HoneyBunny said:
My APologies HoneyBunny, Went from your post to how to keep him hard..
At issue is how to entice.
I have a suggestion or two up my sleeve.
If you have kiddos farm them out for the night.
Make his favorite dish. Have his favorite TV show taped. Wear a robe with nothing else under it. Candlelite... (oh crap, will this work on a guy?)
Scratch that...
Invite your hottest girlfriend over and (ask her ahead of time) invite him to cum watch you play... If you can't stand the idea of him doing someone else then don't do a 3 some, if you can, then do.
Get away to a hotel room, enjoy room service, peace and quiet, the hot tub, whatever they have that you have not at home. Even if the hotel is only a few miles from home it can change the perspective a lot.
Role play for him. Pretend to be Inga a sweedish masseus, or Nicole, a bad student; or whatever you can come up with...
Go out to a disco, dance, party, rub him up and down on the dance floor, get him revved up there. Do it in the car in the parking lot.
Does he love Football? Do it on the 50 yard line.
Most of all, though you should probablly talk to him about your needs without sounding like a "why can't you.."
Instead say "Will you?" or "May I"?
I don't think this matters so much for the *date* of your anniversary, it matters more for life.
Yours for the Moment,
Lorin'
sch00lteacher
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17.5 years and still going strong.
I would go along with those who suggest stress as a possible cause. There have been times I have lost total interest in sex due to stress. Money, work, life in general.
Depression is also a major cause of a lack of libido. Is he eating more or less than usual? Does he sleep more, or less than usual. Have his converstations with you become less frequent, or shorter? Has his lifestyle changed?
Health issues...
I could go on. But I won't.
Please please don't blame yourself for his lack of interest. I am sure that most of the men here would agree that if he was horny enough he'd respond to your ministrations. The problem is with him.
I would go along with those who suggest stress as a possible cause. There have been times I have lost total interest in sex due to stress. Money, work, life in general.
Depression is also a major cause of a lack of libido. Is he eating more or less than usual? Does he sleep more, or less than usual. Have his converstations with you become less frequent, or shorter? Has his lifestyle changed?
Health issues...
I could go on. But I won't.
Please please don't blame yourself for his lack of interest. I am sure that most of the men here would agree that if he was horny enough he'd respond to your ministrations. The problem is with him.
Sexyoldman
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I have just posted a repy re 'Facials' and I think that it could be usefull here.
Most men are into voyeurism soooo try finding a sexy porn sight and call him over to watch with you. If you can get him to stay, comment on the pictures, ask him what he thinks. This should get things kick started.
Try it and let us know
Most men are into voyeurism soooo try finding a sexy porn sight and call him over to watch with you. If you can get him to stay, comment on the pictures, ask him what he thinks. This should get things kick started.
Try it and let us know
help
I can almost feel your desperation so what you do is late one night change into a sexy see-thru gown (don't show all) dim the light on the sofa and open up the window blinds then let your hair down (sota speak) sling back your hair and begin to un- dress him so if anyone walks by can see. Tell him what you are going to do to him in his ear.
My wife does this to me before going down on my erection!
I can almost feel your desperation so what you do is late one night change into a sexy see-thru gown (don't show all) dim the light on the sofa and open up the window blinds then let your hair down (sota speak) sling back your hair and begin to un- dress him so if anyone walks by can see. Tell him what you are going to do to him in his ear.
My wife does this to me before going down on my erection!
cactiphile
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Lorindellia said:
I think that it is a myth that the male has one orgasm and roles
over asleep. Yes, orgasm can make you sleepy but I think with the right stimuli most FIT males could get up 2-3 times easily.
If he comes mastubate or suck him, or push your pussy in his face and get some until he's in the right mood again. The 2nd and 3rd orgasms should see him lasting longer and being harder than before.
Mind you I only go on personal experience, not suffering from premature anything, one orgasm an hour, or ten an hour, depending how the mood takes us.
if you don't damn well try to beat that sleepwall after the first orgasm what do you expect?
C.
