Need a woman's opinion

[Tracker]

Literotica Ladies,

I'm in need of some advice that will hopefully help me get my ex-girlfriend off of my mind. See, my ex and I were together for 3 years, got engaged in March, and suddenly broke up a few weeks ago. I never really understood the break-up but since that day, I've been getting little pieces of information to help me try to figure out what went wrong. I guess my girlfriend wasn't partial to being romanced. Instead of being romanced in bed, she always just wanted to fuck. Is this normal? Is there something wrong with me for wanting to romance my girlfriend. Please help me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks again!

~Tracker

 

[Sammyjo]

Hmmm....I don't know if I'm understanding you correctly. Let me rephrase what I THINK you are trying to say, and give you my input...if that's not what you meant, maybe you can clarify it better...

I believe you are referring to the way you go about your lovemaking. She may like it hot and fast, you may like to go slow and sensual.

Here's my opinion on this...when making love (having sex, fucking) I don't like it the same all the time. I've had some really good experiences...I've had sensual, slow, passionate lovemaking. And though I enjoy that, I also like hot, fast, pull-my-hair, call me a whore fucking...

In other words...mix it up...don't always be so damn romantic

I know some people need to be told this...my ex is one of them. I didn't always want this fantastic candlelit atmosphere...but that's what he wanted. We eventually got out of that, as I had the guts to tell him what I really wanted. We eventually broke it off, for other reasons...but I'd like to think I taught him a few things

Hope this helps...

 

[Hecate]

I admit I don't really know what exactly it is you want to know but here an attempt...

Literotica Ladies,

I'm in need of some advice that will hopefully help me get my ex-girlfriend off of my mind. See, my ex and I were together for 3 years, got engaged in March, and suddenly broke up a few weeks ago. I never really understood the break-up but since that day, I've been getting little pieces of information to help me try to figure out what went wrong.

Well - afraid I can't help you with that (getting her off your mind that is). I guess if you don't even know why she left after even making the commitment of engagement there must have been some "communication deficites" in your relation for a while already ... or she simply found another guy?

I guess my girlfriend wasn't partial to being romanced. Instead of being romanced in bed, she always just wanted to fuck. Is this normal?

Yes, it is normal... sort of anyway.

If you have read a few of the threads on this BB, specially the ones dedicated to D/s matters or pain and pleasure you may have noticed that some of us ladies do crave to be treated a little rough when things get to sex. If we are always put on a "pedestal" it just isn't enough, we don't "always just want to fuck" but sometimes we prefer a "simple fuck" to "being made love to", get carried away by passion and lust (and I now simply assume she was of that kind) ... could it be that although being romantic things were getting a little boring? a routine? too vanilla and "set up", lacking spontaneity?

Sorry to say but a unfulfilling sex life puts a strin on every relation, no matter how perfect it otherwise may be.

As stated above (and as stated a zillion times on all sorts of threads on this BB) the main key is communication. So for future reference I would suggest you talk with your Lady about her fantasies and desires (and share yours!) - only by knowing what each of you wants you can please each other and judge if there is enough in common to build on.

Is there something wrong with me for wanting to romance my girlfriend. Please help me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks again!

~Tracker

Nothing wrong with you - it is a sweet and nice thought to see love, romance and intimacy in sex .. but hey, sometimes it just needs to be just ol' plain animalistic fucking if you never felt that way you sure have not met Ms. Right yet or you have waaaayyyy to much self control.

NOTE: all of the above was my personal opinion, and I may be just as far off track as spot on. So maybe you just take it as food for thought and to ponder upon.

*leaving thread thinking that this story sounds damn familiar*

 

[pandora]

Hecate, if what he was meaning has anything to do with what you said, then I have to agree with you. You said that perfectly.

Tracker, communication between any two people is paramount for any relationship to grow, otherwise, the mind starts to wonder and before you know it, you're where your at today.

How to get her off your mind- well my friend, only time can do that. No other woman, if you were really in love with this one, will "take" her place and said woman shouldn't try. We all have past loves in our hearts. All you can do is learn from this experience. Treasure the memories and let go of the pain. I know that's easier said than done.

As for the sex part, I'm with the others here. Sometimes a woman wants to be romanced and sometimes she wants to just be fucked. All women, no matter if they're the quite ones or a screamer, show some kind of sign as to "how" they want. It could be in the way she gives you a kiss, or the way she's talking to you. Just pay attention to her mood and take it from there. Me and my b/f always intend to start out making love, and normally we do, but damn when we get going, it can only be described as fucking and it's incredible. He follows the moods I get into and that makes it better for us both. Hope some of this helps you, if not, im me and maybe I can help you out.

 

[Ezzie]

I guess my girlfriend wasn't partial to being romanced. Instead of being romanced in bed, she always just wanted to fuck. Is this normal?

I'm the same exact way. I don't like the mushy stuff that comes from romance. Soft music, candlelight, flower petals in the bed... yuck, but that's just me. So to answer the "Normal" question-- yes and no. Because I know I'm far from being normal. lol


As for getting her off of your mind, the answer to that is a short yet sometimes painful one and that answer is nothing more than time. You loved this woman and love is very hard thing to get over. There is no quick fix for it either, believe me because I've tried everything under the sun to make the hurt go away and it's always boiled down to a matter of time.

 

[Tracker]

Thanks for the responses

Thank you everyone for responding and giving me your advice. Let me clear a few things up for you as I see most of you are confused. The communication aspect of our relationship was never a problem. We were always able to talk openly about everything. The problem for us, at least so I think, was her constant craving for a "fast fuck". I always tried to mix things up in the bedroom (and out of the bedroom for that matter ) but it was never enough. She wasn't into exploring other things, other places so it made things difficult for me. I never had a problem with the occasional fuck but when you're in a mature relationship, I think there needs to be more than just that. I just have to wonder if she was ever as serious about me as I was with her.

Ezzie,
not everything in the bedroom was as you describe. Although some of the things you have listed were things that I have done, it was the little things like foreplay that always got me. She didn't like it! Then she complained when she didn't achieve orgasm. It made things difficult.

Hecate,
As I mentioned earlier, I don't think it was a matter of lack of communication. If I had to take a guess, it was her fear of commitment (not every day a guy can say that about a woman!) She did meet other people, whether or not it was while we were together, or if she had the courtesy to wait until we were through is not known.

Well thanks again to all of those who have responded. I hope this clears things up more for you. Keep the responses coming! =)

~Shaun

 

[Nobody Special's wife]

Making love and haveing down and dirty sex is two different things .....If she was there for the sex then it was not a good thing ..You need someone just to love you and the sex is different than makeing love.....

 

[Tracker]

I agree

Nobody Special's Wife,

I agree with you completely. If she didn't want me for me, and only wanted me for sex it should've never been in the first place. That was my fault though, I loved her so much I never noticed how bad things really were. Anyways, thanks for the response! =)

 

[ranajja]

Maybe it's a little simpler than that...

Tell a woman she can't have something...and that's the very thing she'll want.

In other words...play hard to get...

Just a suggestion...

 

[Whispersecret]

<Glances at Ranajja> That remark is a little annoying to me.

Tracker, it sounds to me as if she wasn't the right girl for you. There are plenty of women out there who long for romance such as you're so willing to provide. Keep looking!