Need a Little Help with a Super Bowl-Related Story - Unlikely Teams

[MrPixel]

I'm trying to wrap-up a story about a swinger bash with the Super Bowl as an excuse for staging the wild sex party. Instead of getting into the emotions and politics of the current and recent Super Bowls, I'd like the "big game" in the story to be between two of the least likely teams possible.

I am not a pro football fan. I played tight end in school, so I'm not a complete dummy, tackling or otherwise. But I do not know the structure of the pro team leagues, and which teams are NFC and AFC, and whether that makes any difference. So tell me...

Which franchises, in your opinion, have been consistently the worst team in each conference, and why would you never expect them to be in a Super Bowl. IOW, a Super Bowl for the abject losers.

 

[Rustyoznail]

Looking from very far away, the Browns would have to be one team. Maybe the Lions.

Good thing I'm 10,000 miles away... But then, I could be 10 yards away and Driskel would still miss me.

 

[lovecraft68]

Just want to point out that the NFL-as part of its disgusting greed, owns the word Super Bowl, and you cannot use it without permission. A lot of local bars advertise parties for "The Big Game"

Taking into account this is a porn site, I doubt they'd be happy about it. Now, would they ever see it? That's the question. Same issue for their team names. I've mentioned teams in passing as in "She wore an old Patriots T-shirt" but never used a team as part of the story which makes a big difference.

But I wonder if Laurel is aware of their stance.

 

[joy_of_cooking]

Only tangentially on topic: https://www.tabletmag.com/sections/...rsity-wins-basketball-conference-championship

In the second episode of the famed TV series The West Wing, Deputy White House Chief of Staff Josh ***** is pressed by his assistant for his picks for the week’s office sports pool. “Tell you what,” he quips after evading her initial queries, “can you give me Yeshiva University over the Dallas Cowboys?” The joke, of course, is that Yeshiva University is not exactly known as an athletic powerhouse.

On Sunday, however, the joke was on Josh *****, as the Yeshiva University men’s basketball team overcame an early 23-11 deficit to win their conference championship game by a score of 87-81 over the Purchase College Panthers. The victory capped a stunning underdog run that saw the #4 ranked Maccabees knock off the conference’s #1 seed in the semi-finals in a thrilling overtime win, en route to the team’s first ever berth in the NCAA Division III tournament...

As the seconds on the game clock ticked down to zero, Y.U. fans in the Purchase court seats broke into the traditional Jewish song of “Mishenichnas Adar marbim b’simcha.” (“When Adar comes”—that is, the current Jewish calendar month in which the festive holiday of Purim occurs—”we increase in happiness.”) It was most likely the first instance of Hebrew cheering in conference championship history.

 

[joy_of_cooking]

(Why is the forum censoring L Y M A N ?)

 

[Djmac1031]

Just want to point out that the NFL-as part of its disgusting greed, owns the word Super Bowl, and you cannot use it without permission. A lot of local bars advertise parties for "The Big Game"

Taking into account this is a porn site, I doubt they'd be happy about it. Now, would they ever see it? That's the question. Same issue for their team names. I've mentioned teams in passing as in "She wore an old Patriots T-shirt" but never used a team as part of the story which makes a big difference.

But I wonder if Laurel is aware of their stance.

I wrote "Go For Two" around a scenario involving the Eagles 2017 Superbowl win. Didn't have an issue using the word Superbowl.

I think as long as it's not for profit it's fine.

 

[MrPixel]

Just want to point out that the NFL-as part of its disgusting greed, owns the word Super Bowl, and you cannot use it without permission. A lot of local bars advertise parties for "The Big Game"

Taking into account this is a porn site, I doubt they'd be happy about it. Now, would they ever see it? That's the question. Same issue for their team names. I've mentioned teams in passing as in "She wore an old Patriots T-shirt" but never used a team as part of the story which makes a big difference.

But I wonder if Laurel is aware of their stance.

We've had this discussion before. I even brought it up three(?) years ago. It's the "used for profit" angle that gets the attention, hence the bar situation. If people were hammered for this every time they sent out "Super Bowl Party!" invitations, there'd be scads of negative press, and more focus on the NFL's avarice than I think they would like. Casual mention (versus focus) is fan chatter. Piss off your fans, you have no fans.

I write a story that happens to mention the Super Bowl, and publish on LitE and only on LitE, I am not paid a dime. If the NFL sends a nastygram to Laurel for "unauthorized use for profit", her lawyer will push back using the Internet precedence that a provider of an open forum is not liable for user content.

I happen to have a seasoned IP litigator in my favorites. If you want to push it, I'll call her and ask. I can hear her words now, "Don't be ridiculous."

 

[MrPixel]

To the original question, I asked a group of friends in another forum, and my current conclusion is Jets vs. Vikings, a mismanaged mess versus a "why?" expansion team.

 

[Djmac1031]

To the original question, I asked a group of friends in another forum, and my current conclusion is Jets vs. Vikings, a mismanaged mess versus a "why?" expansion team.

Jets and Giants would be an unlikely pairing as well.

Both from NY although they play in Jersey, two different divisions, neither team very good right now.

 

[SimonDoom]

Just want to point out that the NFL-as part of its disgusting greed, owns the word Super Bowl, and you cannot use it without permission. A lot of local bars advertise parties for "The Big Game"

Taking into account this is a porn site, I doubt they'd be happy about it. Now, would they ever see it? That's the question. Same issue for their team names. I've mentioned teams in passing as in "She wore an old Patriots T-shirt" but never used a team as part of the story which makes a big difference.

But I wonder if Laurel is aware of their stance.

This isn't true. The fact that the NFL owns the trademark in "Super Bowl" doesn't give them, as a matter of law, the absolute right to bar the use of "Super Bowl" in all instances. It gives them the right to prevent uses that would create a likelihood of confusion, which usually means using the mark in connection with a service or product for sale that implies the service or product is authorized by or affiliated with the owner of the trademark.

In the case of a bar, a commercial establishment, the use of big signs all over and around the bar and in advertisements that it's a "Super Bowl Party" might, at least theoretically, lead consumers to think the party and the bar are affiliated with or authorized by the NFL.

Nobody is going to be confused if you write a story in which people are watching the Super Bowl. It's a nominative use, and it's fine. The confusion argument would be laughably silly in that case.

I have a story at this site whose TITLE includes the word "Super Bowl": Super Bowl Halftime Show. https://literotica.com/s/super-bowl-half-time-show. It got past Laurel, and so far the NFL hasn't sent me a cease and desist notice. If they did try me, I'd smack their asses down good and hard, assuming I was willing to give up my anonymity (I might not, admittedly), because I'd know I was on solid legal ground and I would publicize the rottenness of what they were doing.

I did a quick search, and there are 44 Literotica stories with "Super Bowl" in the title, the oldest from 2004. Mine was published 2 years ago.

To the OP's question: Since the creation of the Super Bowl, only two teams that existed at that time have neither won nor even played in the Super Bowl: the Detroit Lions and the Cleveland Browns. The Lions came awfully close this year, but failed, once again, in rather spectacular fashion. The Browns were decent this past season but never seem to be able to get over the hump. From a historical standpoint, you couldn't choose better than Lions-Browns.

 

[stonedinstilletos]

Cincinatti Bengals vs Carolina Panthers (at least right now. Both are mired in mediocrity.)

 

[Kelliezgirl]

The question is do you want teams that are historically inept, or teams that are bad right now?
If you want a historic "that would take a miracle" match up I'd go with Lions (never been to a super bowl) vs. Jets (haven't been in 50 years).

 

[MrPixel]

The question is do you want teams that are historically inept, or teams that are bad right now?
If you want a historic "that would take a miracle" match up I'd go with Lions (never been to a super bowl) vs. Jets (haven't been in 50 years).

Yeah. "Historically inept" is what I'm after. Lots of teams ebb and flow, but well-established consistently awful teams will add to the humor (and pathos!) I have going in the story.

 

[Kelliezgirl]

Yeah. "Historically inept" is what I'm after. Lots of teams ebb and flow, but well-established consistently awful teams will add to the humor (and pathos!) I have going in the story.

And I'd agree with Simon, Browns are another good choice, as are the Vikings.
All 4 are teams that spend long periods in the wilderness, and when they get hot for a season they still manage to choke.

Vikings and Lions are NFC, Jets and Browns are AFC.
If you wanted to add some utter insanity making a casual reference to the Lions beating the Vikings in the NFC championship game would be hilarious. Same with Jets beating Browns (or vice versa) in the AFC championship.

 

[SimonDoom]

And I'd agree with Simon, Browns are another good choice, as are the Vikings.
All 4 are teams that spend long periods in the wilderness, and when they get hot for a season they still manage to choke.

Vikings and Lions are NFC, Jets and Browns are AFC.
If you wanted to add some utter insanity making a casual reference to the Lions beating the Vikings in the NFC championship game would be hilarious. Same with Jets beating Browns (or vice versa) in the AFC championship.

Drop a casual reference to "John Elway" during the game and a bunch of the Browns' fans will suddenly complain of chest pains.

 

[MrPixel]

Yet people still pay considerable sums to sit in the stands and watch their local team get pounded, game after game. This I simply do not understand. Maybe it's like NASCAR fans who flock to the races hoping for big crashes. Schadenfreude.

I guess these 2nd- and 3rd-rate franchises exist entirely to give the more competent teams something to do for TV and now streaming. And keep cable sports pundits employed to dispense banal drivel in front of a camera and mic.

I thought I said I didn't know anything about this shit. It permeates everything, I guess. Hard to avoid without living in a cave.

 

[samhasstories]

Yet people still pay considerable sums to sit in the stands and watch their local team get pounded, game after game. This I simply do not understand. Maybe it's like NASCAR fans who flock to the races hoping for big crashes. Schadenfreude.

I don't understand it when I see the people who actually let it ruin their day, who get so drunkenly pissed off that they get in fights, sulk for a week, etc. But for relatively sane sports fans (they do exist, I promise), the lows are relatively low - your team losing a big game is a bummer, but not one with any real-life consequences - and the highs are disproportionately high*. Especially with the communal aspect of rooting for the home team.

* Unless you're a Browns fan. They don't get any of those. And yeah, to chime in to the original question, I would vote Browns Lions as least likely pairing. Though I'm hardly an expert.

 

[Kelliezgirl]

Yet people still pay considerable sums to sit in the stands and watch their local team get pounded, game after game. This I simply do not understand. Maybe it's like NASCAR fans who flock to the races hoping for big crashes. Schadenfreude.

I guess these 2nd- and 3rd-rate franchises exist entirely to give the more competent teams something to do for TV and now streaming. And keep cable sports pundits employed to dispense banal drivel in front of a camera and mic.

I thought I said I didn't know anything about this shit. It permeates everything, I guess. Hard to avoid without living in a cave.

Well, historically bad teams don't charge as much for tickets, and generally don't come close to selling out.
It's not so much rooting for a crash as the hope of "Any Given Sunday". Plenty of surprise upsets, great plays.
I've gotten tickets from work to a few Jaguars' games, pretty good seats to be honest. I've never been a Jags fan, and they weren't playing anyone I had a rooting interest in and I still enjoyed the game and the experience.

 

[Kelliezgirl]

I don't understand it when I see the people who actually let it ruin their day, who get so drunkenly pissed off that they get in fights, sulk for a week, etc. But for relatively sane sports fans (they do exist, I promise), the lows are relatively low - your team losing a big game is a bummer, but not one with any real-life consequences - and the highs are disproportionately high*. Especially with the communal aspect of rooting for the home team.

* Unless you're a Browns fan. They don't get any of those. And yeah, to chime in to the original question, I would vote Browns Lions as least likely pairing. Though I'm hardly an expert.

Well, the root of "fan" is "fanatic" so...
Anything with a large enough audience is going to have a people who become obsessed to an unhealthy degree.
Soccer hooligans for example, a couple of soccer teams in Europe have had to play games in empty stadiums because their fans couldn't act right.
Goalie for a team in Colombia got his head cut off by angry fans over a botched play that cost them a win.

 

[gunhilltrain]

To the original question, I asked a group of friends in another forum, and my current conclusion is Jets vs. Vikings, a mismanaged mess versus a "why?" expansion team.

You could simply make up names for the game, the league, and the teams. In North Dallas Forty, there is a fictional team called the Las Vegas Blackjacks (the real New York Giants make a big appearance too). Now, of course, the Raiders do play in Las Vegas (they've moved around a bit over the years).

You could have the TransCon Football League, and the big game might be amusing as the TitanBowl. The teams could be the Blackjacks as mentioned above, plus - any number of things. The St. Louis Archers? The Miami Alligators? (I think a college team uses Alligators.) The Detroit Engines?

 

[Kelliezgirl]

You could simply make up names for the game, the league, and the teams. In North Dallas Forty, there is a fictional team called the Las Vegas Blackjacks (the real New York Giants make a big appearance too). Now, of course, the Raiders do play in Las Vegas (they've moved around a bit over the years).

You could have the TransCon Football League, and the big game might be amusing as the TitanBowl. The teams could be the Blackjacks as mentioned above, plus - any number of things. The St. Louis Archers? The Miami Alligators? (I think a college team uses Alligators.) The Detroit Engines?

I'd think the story works better if you use real names. It always makes a story feel low rent when you skimp on that kind of thing.
That said, if you fake it, go all the way (Don't tell my ex I said that).
Use the team names from Baseketball. Trey Parker and Matt Stone won't care and it would be funny.
Dallas Felons
Detroit Lemons
Los Angeles Riots
Miami Dealers
Milwaukee Beers
New Jersey Informants
Roswell Aliens
San Antonio Defenders
San Francisco Ferries

 

[Britva415]

What if you just didn't name the teams at all? Or the year?

Any reader who doesn't know or care about football won't miss those details. Any reader who does know and care about football is likely to have their suspension of disbelief strongly challenged by the "fake super bowl" scenario of the least likely teams being in it.

Hell, your setting could just be "Super Bowl LXIX" (super bowl #69) which, as of now, is years in the future. I didn't see any indication that any part of your plot depended on the teams being identified.

If you really need characters to be talking to each other about their preferred vs. the hated team in the game, you could just go with the "Western" versus "Eastern" team or something.

Anyway, I don't know your story but that's how I would go about it. If I really felt like naming teams would harm the story reactions or feedback because of triggering readers' team-oriented chauvinism, I'd not name them at all. I personally wouldn't have a hard time writing around that - even if some of the plot beats were around specific score moments or other game events.

 

[Sinstories]

I don't understand it when I see the people who actually let it ruin their day, who get so drunkenly pissed off that they get in fights, sulk for a week, etc. But for relatively sane sports fans (they do exist, I promise), the lows are relatively low - your team losing a big game is a bummer, but not one with any real-life consequences - and the highs are disproportionately high*. Especially with the communal aspect of rooting for the home team.

* Unless you're a Browns fan. They don't get any of those. And yeah, to chime in to the original question, I would vote Browns Lions as least likely pairing. Though I'm hardly an expert.

This....

SB between Jets and Vikings, but reference late game collapses by the Lions and Browns in the conference championship games. Not only have neither of them been to the SB before, they both had historical late game collapses in the conference championship to keep them out of the SB. Even in a fictional world, they find a way to fail in the end.

 

[MrPixel]

You could simply make up names for the game, the league, and the teams.

Not the way I do things. The scene staging has to be relatable without a bunch of setup/explanation.

I'd think the story works better if you use real names.

Yep. Team names may not be important to those who don't care, but those who might follow the sport will get a mild chuckle from the alleged matchup.

Haven't decided which city/stadium is going to host it. Anybody care to offer a clue about which big-ish city has the most dilapidated and rundown pro venue? How about a city that simply can't handle the crowds? Lambeau Field in Green Bay, for instance.

 

[gunhilltrain]

I'd think the story works better if you use real names. It always makes a story feel low rent when you skimp on that kind of thing.
That said, if you fake it, go all the way (Don't tell my ex I said that).
Use the team names from Baseketball. Trey Parker and Matt Stone won't care and it would be funny.
Dallas Felons
Detroit Lemons
Los Angeles Riots
Miami Dealers
Milwaukee Beers
New Jersey Informants
Roswell Aliens
San Antonio Defenders
San Francisco Ferries

Usually I prefer to use real names over made-up ones for things like colleges, stores, movie theaters and so forth. However, some people believe the OP will have a problem with the NFL if he takes it too far. I'm not sure if that applies only to the Super Bowl as a name, or to the team names themselves. People on this site are sometimes cautious, maybe too much, about such things. After all, the story is taking place during a Super Bowl party, not at the site itself.

There is a baseball team called the Milwaukee Brewers, so the beer connection is there. American Indian names are being replaced throughout pro sports. Somehow it's now interpreted as an insult rather than praise to them. The Los Angeles Riots could only exist in a pure satire, which this story might qualify for.