Necromencer, the..uh..Virgin writer of 2001 ):

[Necromencer2]

Hello everybody and I would like to say that I find that since most people see me as a rookie ):, My stroies are less read so if you have the time, drop in to the Online RPG, not the sexual RPG. My wrtings so far have been:

CONAN: BATTLES OF THE BED
REVENGE OF THE APOCLYPSE
and I have also put posts on the following:
DIABLO 2 by Morgoth
COMMANDOS also by Morgoth
these are all really good so you should read them and tell me what you think

 

[Whispersecret]

I could very easily be wrong about this...

...but, I think that participation in the RPG and SRP areas don't qualify as "stories," per se. This area of the bulletin board is for feedback on stories posted in the story section. However, if people want feedback on their participation in the roleplaying arenas, perhaps you all should ask Laurel to open a new forum specifically for that.

 

[Necromencer2]

WELL EXCCCUUUUUSSSSE ME BITCH! I DID NOT MEAN TO BUTT IN ON REAL STORY FEEDBACK! BUT FOR YOUR FUCKING NON-LITEROTIC MIND, THE SRP AND ORP, WHICH YOU PROBABLY HAVE NOT READ, SOME OF THEM AT LEAST SOUND LIKE STORIES! YES, I WILL ADMIT THAT SOME OF THEM ARE NOT STORIES AT ALL. BUT SOME OF THE MORE SKILLED AUTHERS SPEND THEIR TIME TURNING THE ORP OR SRP INTO A STORY! LIKE MY ORP STORY "CONAN: BATTLES OF THE BED"; IT SOUNDS KIND OF LIKE A STORY! SO BITCH, YES YOUR STUPID ASS IS WRONG, SRP AND ORP ARE LIKE STORIES, SO THEY DEMAND A LITTLE RESPECT, ON THIS BOARD OR SOME OTHER...

NeCrOmEnCeR
now and forever

 

[Necromencer2]

Post Script

...AND IF YOU FUCKING REPLY TO THAT, I WILL TYPE YOUR ASS TO PIT OF DAMNED PCS BITCH!!!

 

[KillerMuffin]

Well aren't you just a happy fellow. Threatening people on the board is a bad idea.

The pit of the damned? PCS bitch? That is the best you can do?

 

[Bigdog]

HEY!

Didn't your mother teach you not to yell at a lady?

If you want to be treated like a 12 year old, keep acting like one.

 

[KillerMuffin]

Feedback for your roleplay.

First, spellcheck. Second, your punctuation stinks. Third, your grammar is awful. You realize in one particular sentence you used the word and at least 4 times? Fourth, your hostility is palpable and it wrecks your writing. You're writing in character, your character is not you. I see no character development. I've read the Conan comic books extensively and you aren't doing Conan any justice. It's rather like watching Arnold fuck him up all over again. Anyway, shall we start with post #1?

"First, a few guidelines. This is the start of a story about Conan the Barbarian, a theif in the darkages. Heis though, a good guy. He is calledby some to be a young giant and is very strong and a goodfighter.
To the point though. He is craved for by woman, hated by his enimies and feared by by his foes in combat. "

theif is spelled thief. Heis has a space. There is a comma after is. There is a space between called and by. He is called by some to be a young giant and is a very strong and goodfighter. is a run-on sentence. You shouldn't use both prepositional phrases by some and to be at the same time. You should move the phrase by some to the end of young giant. He is called a young giant by some. To the point though. is an incomplete sentence. He is craved for by woman? Craved for? Those words don't work together. He is craved by women. Enimies is spelled enemies. There is a comma after enemies. You don't need two by's in the sentence.

Aside from your inability to manipulate the english language in a proper manner you do have a good way of describing action and scenery. Though the fighting bits seem somewhat wimpy. If you can get past the run-on sentence structures, inability to space, and bad punctuation.

Anyway, theres your feedback. Call me a bitch, threaten to send me to the depths of hell. Nothing more than I'd expect from a pathetic little twit like yourself. Whispersecret is not only a respected member of the literotica community, she is also an authority on the subject of writing.

Now, the forum is used for stories. Despite your uninformed protestations to the contrary, the stories are posted by Laurel on the story side of the site. While roleplays can evolve into stories, they are not the stories this board was created for.

 

[Mel]

uh oh

Now that is what i call feed back. lol

I think i'm just regreting posting a thread on here for my stories (in the romance section). Gee I hope i don't get called a bitch for my efforts, but still he was a little over the top, No need for that, writers together and learning from mistakes that thankfully get constructive critism

 

[NCmVoyeur]

Re: uh oh

Now that is what i call feed back. lol

. . . but still he was a little over the top.

And the Civil War was a little misunderstanding . . .
(I'd hate to see him when he's REALLY over the top.)

Necromencer2: The word is "necromancer."

 

[KillerMuffin]

Re: uh oh

Now that is what i call feed back. lol

I think i'm just regreting posting a thread on here for my stories (in the romance section). Gee I hope i don't get called a bitch for my efforts, but still he was a little over the top, No need for that, writers together and learning from mistakes that thankfully get constructive critism

Don't fash yourself sweets. We generally don't give feedback like that. He's an asshole. At least I didn't get into his inability to develop plot and story as well as the fact that his "story" has no middle or end.

Go ahead, ask for feedback on your stories. I have the feeling you actually write stories, not play RPG games and presume to scream at someone when she points out that they may not be the focus of this board.

 

[Necromencer2]

Yes, I will admit that I was "a little over the top", but you probably must have guessed I have a bad temper, so you could understand only about 17% of why I freaked. The reason is that when I write something (or type) and think it is even a tiny bit good, I ask other people to read it and then post feedback. What I DO NOT need is some bitch posting a bullshit-innocence reply saying I have just posted it wrong. And, yes, I do know that my name is spelled wrong but if any of you even read any of my posts for Diablo 2, you would see that I know the correct spelling. I have spelled it wrong for email purposes so that only some one who saw it from an email or was told by me would know the correct email. Mo Fo's who HEAR it would spell it "necromAncer", so I got my email protected from prank mail. There, ya happy??????

 

[KillerMuffin]

I've got a bit of a 'tudinal problem myself, so I can understand getting angry. However, you did deal with the situation incorrectly. By doing so you managed to alienate most of the people who are inclined to give feedback in general.

An appropriate response to Whisper would have been to acknowledge her point and then reiterate your request. Perhaps pointing to the shortest thread, which would be your Conan one, and asking for an evalutation of your writing. Being assertive will get you what you are looking for. Being aggressive won't.

You were not wrong in wanting feedback. You were wrong in your reaction to Whisper's criticism. You had the balls to admit to being wrong, something I most certainly don't do. Personally, were I in your keyboard, I'd apologize for my bad behavior, then reiterate my request for decent feedback. Not everyone is as bitchy as me.

[Edited by KillerMuffin on 02-15-2001 at 06:31 PM]

 

[Persephone]

Sociopath!

The guy's a freaking sociopath! And an illiterate one at that. The only thing worse than being mean, is being mean AND stupid...and that's spelled: NECROMENCER.

 

[Necromencer2]

Well KillerMuffin, you have made your point and I respect you for your reasoning. But tell me this. How the hell am I supposed to calm down with THAT LITTLE BITCH VIRGIN MAKING REMARKS LIKE THAT "Stupid" and that shit about it being spelled "Necromencer". Answer thet!

 

[Necromencer2]

Also, killermuffin, I would like to thank you for your grammer lesson, though the real reason my grammer and english is bad is because A: Most of my spelling errors are typos, originating from the fact that I am not a very good typer. B: I was never very good at english anyway(78% on exam)

 

[Necromencer2]

Lastly, KillerMuffin, I will rephrase my very first request.

Hello, my name is Necromencer 2 and I have only begun to write stories in the Online Roleplaying Section. Though some of you may veiw these as not really stories, I beg to differ. Some of them, written by some of the more skilled writers (Morgoth, Ravenloft) actually turn out to be stories, though people may add to them in the future. Why don't we just call them " never-ending stories" okay? If you get a chance, stop off at the Online Roleplaying section and read some of my posts as well as my stories. They are listed below.

Posts on:
Diablo 2 by Morgoth
Commandoes by Morgoth
Stories are:
Revenge of the Apoclypse
Conan


NeCrOmEnCeR
now and forever

 

[Persephone]

Molecular waste

Psycho!

 

[Necromencer2]

YOU..YOU BITCH! SHUT THE HELL UP, FOR CHRIST SAKE!!!

 

[Persephone]

Nope.

You freak.

 

[Necromencer2]

YOU ARE GODS MISTAKE, YOU ASSHOLE! GET A FUCKING LIFE!!!!
YOU ARE NOT WORTH MY TIME, SO STOP POSTING ON MY FEEDBACK PAGE!!!

 

[Persephone]

god's mistake?

Oh, I get it:
You're one of those inbred cretins, handling snakes, speaking in tongues (which would explain the spelling!), preaching moronic drivel... (and writing it, too!)

Tell me the truth: You're currently institutionalized aren't you? (We can only hope!)

 

[Angel]

*Your* feeback page? I hardly think you own it, and by posting in a PUBLIC forum, you leave yourself open to comments. You don't have to like the comments either.
Perhaps if you acted like a mature adult, people wouldn't have this reaction to you. Then again maybe you are one of the underaged people who've slipped through the cracks and are still here. I can't imagine an adult acting like this.

Secondly, an rp thread and a story are two different things. Both are fine examples of writing, both have talented (And not so talented) authors. However an RP thread (In my own opinion) is not classified as a story. It is an ongoing thread of characters interacting with each other.

And just a suggestion. If you want people to take you even the slightest bit seriously, grow up.

Thanks.

 

[Persephone]

"STOP POSTING ON MY FEEDBACK PAGE!!! "

ooooohhhh, I shudder in fear at the wrath of the Necromeencer!!! I trespass on his holy FEEDBACK PAGE.

(What, did you pee on it to mark your territory? Cur.)

 

[Persephone]

You're right, Kerrie...

It's just so much fun to mess with him!

 

[KillerMuffin]

One of the elements of good writing is to spell check, grammar check, and properly punctuate your stuff. Obviously when speaking your characters won't be grammatically perfect. Most written things aren't grammatically perfect. However, your grammar should be good enough that it doesn't get in the way of the story, it isn't more obvious than what's happening in the story, and it isn't what kills the story.

The purpose of writing is to expression your idea in words. Good writers do it well to the point that people want to read what they have to say. Bad writers get skipped over. A wonderful RPer is nightray. However, reading his posts takes work. He is good at RPing, but he isn't good at role play.

The fact that you aren't good at english and you didn't do well in english is just excuses. Write your stuff in a word processor and give it the benefit of at least a spell check. No one expects it to be perfect with no typos in a post because one does not edit one's posts like one edits a story. However, if you want to open yourself to critique on your writing, be prepared to be called on your technical errors as well as your writing.

The problem your going to face in the realm of RP vs. stories is that you can't develop the story, that is done by a group of individuals playing off of each other. Charachter development is the limit of your abilities in the RP realm. From the RP's of yours that I read, you haven't developed them very well. The hard part in development is that you're working with characters that are created and maintained by other people.

I would suggest you write a story, not an RP, and find a volunteer editor in the volunteer editor's section to edit it for you. This is about the only way to get a good feedback on your story writing ability. Even though a good RP game is a story, it doesn't showcase your writing abilities very well.