Nasty wife story feedback

[theedge]

Hey all your horny husbands and wives. Here is the first hand account of our first threesome. We've been wanting to do this for a long time but never could find the right person...until now. Let me know what you think.
Thanks in advance.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=153687

 

[spyro1123]

Wow what a hot experiance. I need to figure out a way to run into you two at some club lol.

Anyway as for the story i think it would benifit from a little more discription.
"For a few minutes I just sat back on the bed enjoying watching my wife getting fucked. Judging by her moans I could tell Sam was really treating her to a good time"
how was she getting fucked? how did it sound, were her breasts bouncing, was his cock shiny, ect.

It was a very hot story made much more exciting knowing it was real. I think it would be awsome to either have your wife write from her perspective, or ask her about it while you write. It might be a fun way for both of you to relive things.

 

[Singularity]

You Had To Be There

Congratulations on your first three-some. It sounds like it went spectacularly well and that everyone had a great time.

As a personal reminiscence, this is a fine recounting of your adventure. As a story, though, it doesn't have much character development or plot or erotic tension in it.

The "This is a a true story about our first threesome" declaration at the beginning and the first two paragraphs essentially tell us everything that is going to happen. So there is little incentive for the readers who don't know you and Christine and Sam to continue further, except as a voyeur looking in on the scene.

This will appeal to a lot of readers, and also turn off a number of others who look for some dramatic tension and plot twists and character development.

Whether this is something that is important to you depends on whcih audience you are writing for - for yourself, for the voyeurs, or for those who want something a b it more.



Sin.

 

[ikie]

great story