Nasrudin Returns

[Dillinger]

Nasrudin is with his cronies drinking coffee: they are discussing death, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?"

The first crony says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."

The second says, " I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."

Nasrudin says, " I would like to hear them say... LOOK!! HE'S MOVING!!!"

 

[alexander tzara]

Nasrudin and his donkey stop before a barber shop dawbed with the slogan: "GET YOUR HAIRY ASS SHAVED HERE!".

Noting the knotted tangle of his donkey's mane and the unsightly bristles decorating its flank, he leads the mule into the building.

The proprietor looks at the pair as he brushes thick black hairs from his apron and sharpens his razor on a pumice. "Sorry, Sir, " he says. "We don't serve donkeys in here."

"Oh, I give up!"

 

[Guest]

I object to your mulish insistance on asinine puns, Sir!

 

[alexander tzara]

I object to your asinine insistance on mulish objection, Sir!

 

[Dillinger]

I object on the grounds that it was my turn to post!

 

[alexander tzara]

I object on the post that it was my turn to grind!

 

[Dillinger]

I object that you're not being objective!

 

[alexander tzara]

Sir, I must subject you to the theorem that your subjectivity is objectionable!

 

[Dillinger]

OK... first of all I object to being called "Sir." Never been knighted, probably never will.

Secondly I object to the theorem that you propose in that it is only a theorem.

Thirdly I object to any mention of subjectivity in this thread.

Fourthly I object to any objectivity in this thread.

Fiftly I object.

 

[alexander tzara]

Is objecticivity the subject of your objection?

 

[alexander tzara]

Or would you subject an object to such abject subjectivity?

 

[Dillinger]

Actually I would object if you abject my subject to objectivity.

 

[alexander tzara]

Quite objectionable! Next subject!

 

[DevilMayCare]

A kinsman came to see the Mulla from somewhere deep in the country, bringing a duck as a gift. Delighted, Nasruddin had the bird cooked and shared it with his guest. Presently, however, one countryman after another started to call, each one "the friend of the friend of the man who brought you the duck." No further presents were forthcoming.

At length the Mulla was exasperated. One day yet another stranger appeared. "I am the friend of the friend of the friend of the relative who brought you the duck."

He sat down, like all the rest, expecting a meal. Nasruddin handed him a bowl of water.

"What is this?"

"That is the soup of the soup of the duck which was brought by my relative."
------------------------------------------------------------------------
"I shall have you hanged," said a cruel and ignorant king to Nasruddin, "if you do not prove such deep perceptions such as have been attributed to you." Nasruddin at once said that he could see a golden bird in the sky and demons within the earth. "But how can you do this?" the King asked. "Fear," said the Mulla "is all you need."
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Nasruddin was throwing handfuls of bread all around his house. "What are you doing?" someone asked.

"Keeping the tigers away."

"But there are no tigers around here"

"Exactly. Effective, isn't it?"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
It is believed that the mystical effect of seven Nasruddin tales, told in succession, is enough to prepare an individual for enlightenment.

So, are you enlightened yet?

 

[alexander tzara]

So, are you enlightened yet?

Before you study Zen, mountains are mountains and rivers are rivers; while you are studying Zen, mountains are no longer mountains and rivers are no longer rivers; but once you have had enlightenment, mountains are once again mountains and rivers again rivers.


Tell us another tale about Nasrudin and his big hairy ass, master.

 

[Dillinger]

Nasrudin received a parrot for his birthday. This parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives were, to say the least rude.

Nasrudin tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything he could think of to try and set a good example...

Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird and the bird got worse. He shook the bird and the bird got more angry and more rude. Finally, in a moment of desperation, Nasrudin put the parrot in the freezer.

For a few moments he heard the bird squawking, kicking, and screaming - then suddenly there was quiet. Nasrudin was frightened that he might have hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto Nasrudin's extended arm and said: "I'm sorry that I might have offended you with my language and action and I ask your forgiveness. I will endeavor to correct my behavior."

Nasrudin was astonished at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what had made such a dramatic change when the parrot continued: "May I ask what the chicken did?"

 

[DevilMayCare]

Before you study Zen, mountains are mountains and rivers are rivers; while you are studying Zen, mountains are no longer mountains and rivers are no longer rivers; but once you have had enlightenment, mountains are once again mountains and rivers again rivers.

Since everything is but an apparition, perfect in being
what it is, having nothing to do with good or bad,
acceptance or rejection, one may well burst out in laughter.

Long Chen Pa
The Natural Freedom of Mind

 

[alexander tzara]

Sitting quietly, doing nothing,
Spring comes, and the grass grows by itself

The ass stopped to eat the grass. Nasrudin cursed the stubborn beast for halting mid-journey. The great Sage was very angry. He had hoped to reach his destination before nightfall. The ass, though, was happy. It had already reached its destination.

 

[DevilMayCare]

The birds have vanished into the sky,
and now the last cloud drains away.

We sit together, the mountain and me,
until only the mountain remains.

Li Po

 

[alexander tzara]

Non-action does not mean doing nothing and keeping silent. Let everything be allowed to do what it natuarally does, so that its nature will be satisfied.

~ Chuang Tzu ~

The donkey still stubbornly munches on grass. By now, Nasrudin is exasperated. He had intended to meet with a wise teacher, Sage Shazra, and learn how best to live his life. He should have looked at his own ass first.

 

[Dillinger]

The perfect way out:
There's no past/present/future,
Dawn after dawn, the sun!
Night after night, the moon!

-- Getsudo

 

[DevilMayCare]

Free and Easy - A Spontaneous Vajra Song


Happiness cannot be found through great effort and willpower,
but is already present, in open relaxation and letting go.

Don't strain yourself, there is nothing to do or undo.
Whatever momentarily arises in the body-mind
has no real importance at all, has little reality whatsoever.
Why identify with, and become attached to it,
passing judgment upon it and ourselves?

Far better to simply let the entire game happen on its own,
springing up and falling back like waves -
without changing or manipulating anything -
and notice how everything vanishes and
reappears, magically, again and again, time without end.

Only our searching for happiness prevents us from seeing it.
It's like a vivid rainbow which you pursue without ever catching,
or a dog chasing its own tail.

Although peace and happiness do not exist as an actual thing or place,
it is always available and accompanies you every instant.

Don't believe in the reality of good and bad experiences;
they are like today's ephemeral weather, like rainbows in the sky.

Wanting to grasp the ungraspable, you exhaust yourself in vain.
As soon as you open and relax this tight fist of grasping,
infinite space is there - open, inviting and comfortable.

Make use of this spaciousness, this freedom and natural ease.
Don't search any further.
Don't go into the tangled jungle looking for the great awakened elephant,
who is already resting quietly at home in front of your own hearth.

Nothing to do or undo, nothing to force,
nothing to want, and nothing missing -

Emaho! Marvelous! Everything happens by itself.


by Venerable Lama Gendun Rinpoche
quoted in Natural Great Perfection
by Nyoshul Khenpo

 

[cymbidia]

Seeing something glittering in the gutter, Nasrudin ran to pick it up. It was a metal mirror. Looking at it closely, he saw his face reflected in it. 'No wonder it was thrown away - nothing as ugly as this could possibly appeal to anyone. The fault is in me, for I picked it up without reasoning that it must be something unpleasant.'

~~~~~~~~~~
Wisdom ceases to be wisdom when it becomes too proud to weep, too grave to laugh, and too self-ful to seek other than itself.
-Kahlil Gibran
~~~~~~~~~~

 

[alexander tzara]

A monk told the Zen master Joshu: 'I have just entered the monastery. Please teach me.'

'Have you eaten your rice porridge?' asked Joshu.

The monk replied, 'I have eaten'.

'Then you had better wash your bowl.'

 

[DevilMayCare]

WRITTEN ON THE WALL AT
CHANG'S HERMITAGE

It is Spring in the mountains.
I come alone seeking you.
The sound of chopping wood echoes
Between the silent peaks.
The streams are icy.
There is snow on the trail.
At sunset I reach your grove
In the stony mountain pass.
You want nothing, although at night
You can see the aura of gold
And silver ore all around you.
You have learned to be gentle
As the mountain deer you have tamed.
The way back forgotten, hidden
Away, I become like you,
An empty boat, floating, adrift.

Tu Fu (712-770 C.E.)