"My vow to you"

[smotherman]

I wasn't sure about starting an new thread or just post my poems here so, here I go.

I hope everyone enjoys!

"My vow to you"

When you are sad, I will dry your tears
When you are scared, I will comfort your fears
When you need love, my heart I will share
When you are sick, for you I will care

You will feel my love when we are apart
Knowing that nothing will change my heart
When you are worried, I will give you hope
When you are confused, I will help you cope

When you are lost, and can’t see the light
My love will be a beacon, shining ever so bright
This is my vow, one that I pledge till the end
For you above all are my partner and best friend

These words I have written, speak of my love for you
From my lips these words spoken, shall always ring true
God has blessed me, and with your hand in mine
Both of our hearts, will forever intertwine

 

[normal jean]

HI

and welcome to the poetry forum



NJ

whoeveryou wrote the poem for is very lucky to have someone avow such a depth of feeling.

keep writing and posting!

 

[smotherman]

HI

and welcome to the poetry forum



NJ

whoeveryou wrote the poem for is very lucky to have someone avow such a depth of feeling.

keep writing and posting!

Thank you for the welcome! It's so great to be here and I hope to be an contributing member to the poetry section.

 

[Chryseis47]

Thank you for the welcome! It's so great to be here and I hope to be an contributing member to the poetry section.

Your poem starts out a little trite..easy, stacatto line endings. Experiment, perhaps, with words that can wrap lines or break up the rhythm .

Beautiful piece, I wold love to be the friend for whom it ws written.

 

[RUbensBeautY]

Beautiful piece, I would love to be the friend for whom it was written.

Agreed. Congratulations! On both actually, finding your muse and the poem inspired.

 

[Angeline]

Hello and welcome to the forum. I have to say that your poem has a certain Hallmark card quality to it and the construction is too formal for me. Too formal sounds unnatural to me because really when do people talk this way? On the other hand the sentiment is sincere and like NJ says, whoever is the recipient must feel pretty good you wrote it for her. It would be interesting to me if you took those generalities and used them as the basis for describing specific incidents that make you feel this way in a conversational voice. Just a thought.

 

[WickedEve]

Hello and welcome to the forum. I have to say that your poem has a certain Hallmark card quality to it and the construction is too formal for me. Too formal sounds unnatural to me because really when do people talk this way? On the other hand the sentiment is sincere and like NJ says, whoever is the recipient must feel pretty good you wrote it for her. It would be interesting to me if you took those generalities and used them as the basis for describing specific incidents that make you feel this way in a conversational voice. Just a thought.

This thread was started a couple of years ago. Not sure if the original poster stills visits the poetry forum.
Anyway... Hallmark card? Definitely.

 

[Angeline]

This thread was started a couple of years ago. Not sure if the original poster stills visits the poetry forum.
Anyway... Hallmark card? Definitely.

You're right. I guess someone bumped it. I didn't even notice lol. Just going on about my dizzy way.

But yes. My values obviously haven't changed since then.

 

[unpredictablebijou]

This thread was started a couple of years ago. Not sure if the original poster stills visits the poetry forum.
Anyway... Hallmark card? Definitely.

Augh! my very own submissive poet boy and he's already gone?

*tragic drama mode*

bj