my thread

[Buttah]

so nice to see ladies like cheekygirl, gracie 29, nowgirl and sortacurios stopping by to say hi. not mention other relative newies like kinkikittyn....alnd older regulars like moon shadow lady and virgin not. at least sl69 has an excuse, she's been out of town. butterscotch has an excuse, roo.... she rarely stops by the PG anymore. doesn't really make it any easier not ro have contact with them/

I had pondered giving up when I hit 9,000 posts, naybe I should have taken my own advice.

Forgive me sweety, I will stop to talk more often. Suicidal thoughts worry me as I had them a few years ago myself.

Btw - What''s wrong with flirting?

 

[whogonnawin1]

Btw - What''s wrong with flirting?

Who said something was wrong with flirting?

 

[Buttah]

Who said something was wrong with flirting?

The man of course ...

sure, I could go to other threads and seek out some of these ladies and maybe be a little frlirty with them, but then I'd be even more of just one of the masses that already am.

 

[mrtnmoon]

this os one of those good news/ bad news deals. first, mom is home. more than goood news, that borderline great news.

here's the werid thing, tho.... I got my xanax filled thursday. 60 pills, 2 a day. I have 18 left. for the life of me. thoo, I am cluless as to what happened to the othrs? I sure as shit don't remember taking anywhere close to that.

 

[whogonnawin1]

The man of course ...

Go figure... flirting makes the world go 'round...

Speaking of which, my you have sexy eyes

 

[Buttah]

this os one of those good news/ bad news deals. first, mom is home. more than goood news, that borderline great news.

here's the werid thing, tho.... I got my xanax filled thursday. 60 pills, 2 a day. I have 18 left. for the life of me. thoo, I am cluless as to what happened to the othrs? I sure as shit don't remember taking anywhere close to that.

What in hell are we gonna do with you? You don't need me to tell you this is how an overdose happens. I suggest you take the recommended dose then lock them up or better yet wean yourself off them altogether. You need a keeper ...

 

[Buttah]

Go figure... flirting makes the world go 'round...

Speaking of which, my you have sexy eyes

Thank you ...

 

[whogonnawin1]

Thank you ...

You're welcome!

 

[sortacurious]

I'm sorry. don't mean to cause you any pain. I'll try to keep in mind that you might not be here all that much......when I'm hurting, tho, it's hard to be logical. a least you've given me an explananion.

Oh sweetie, you do not owe me any apologies. It is only my history and fear of saying the wrong thing at a time that you need strength and probably a good shaking to open your eyes. I really do understand how being in the depths of that pain it's hard to see things clearly, so very hard. But at some point you have to decide it's time to find a way to reach a happier, more satisfying life. Then the work begins. Until then, don't doubt I'm here...even in my silence I'm here reading, thinking, praying, hoping.

And I am not one of those that have masses to flirt with. Very few even no who I am. I would be thrilled to find you approach me and flirt. I bounce on and off the computer throughout the day and evening depending on what I've got going on so may not see it right away, but it would make my day if you did.

I agree with Butterscotch, now that you see with your own eyes just how over the top you've gone with the Rx I think you need to make a strong effort to wean yourself down to the correct dose. What you're doing is so dangerous!

And YAY for your mom coming home! That's great news.

 

[mrtnmoon]

And I am not one of those that have masses to flirt with. Very few even no who I am. I would be thrilled to find you approach me and flirt. I bounce on and off the computer throughout the day and evening depending on what I've got going on so may not see it right away, but it would make my day if you did.

I agree with Butterscotch, now that you see with your own eyes just how over the top you've gone with the Rx I think you need to make a strong effort to wean yourself down to the correct dose. What you're doing is so dangerous!

And YAY for your mom coming home! That's great news.

all you ladies are way outnumbered by the men here. I guess the point I was trying to make is, what's one more guy? if I don't flirt or talk to you, I just feel like what's it going to matter?

as for the pills... part of me just doesn't care.

I was watching a movie called striking distance with bruce willis and sarah jessica parker the other day. she was talking to him about respecting himself. she said something like, "can't you have respect for yourself unless someone else respects you?" for me, love is kind of like that.... they always say no one can love you unless ou love yourself first, but I've always had this thought that..... what makes me worth loving if no one else does it first mYbe normal people don't understand that.


maybe I do need a keeper. my brain keeps trying to tell me that I lost some of those pills somewhere, but I sure can't find them. definitely a wake up call to know that many are gone... mostly I take them with me to work, tho.... there's someone here that hurts ans confuses me so much. I've asked her to explain, but it falls on deaf ears. I don't undersstand how you can turn your back so much so fast on someone you supposedly cared about.

 

[mrtnmoon]

Forgive me sweety, I will stop to talk more often. Suicidal thoughts worry me as I had them a few years ago myself.

Btw - What''s wrong with flirting?

there's nothing wromg with flirting. I just don't think I'm all that good at it. anothr reao I get over loooked, perhaps."

 

[sortacurious]

all you ladies are way outnumbered by the men here. I guess the point I was trying to make is, what's one more guy? if I don't flirt or talk to you, I just feel like what's it going to matter?

as for the pills... part of me just doesn't care.

I was watching a movie called striking distance with bruce willis and sarah jessica parker the other day. she was talking to him about respecting himself. she said something like, "can't you have respect for yourself unless someone else respects you?" for me, love is kind of like that.... they always say no one can love you unless ou love yourself first, but I've always had this thought that..... what makes me worth loving if no one else does it first mYbe normal people don't understand that.


maybe I do need a keeper. my brain keeps trying to tell me that I lost some of those pills somewhere, but I sure can't find them. definitely a wake up call to know that many are gone... mostly I take them with me to work, tho.... there's someone here that hurts ans confuses me so much. I've asked her to explain, but it falls on deaf ears. I don't undersstand how you can turn your back so much so fast on someone you supposedly cared about.

It matters if the girl would love to be flirted with by YOU!! Random flirting with strangers is just so casual here, but I have hope to continue to form real friendships. A flirt from someone that I enjoy getting to know means a helluva lot more to me. I have a feeling there is an absolute fun, silly side to you that I'd love to see come out more often!!

I've noticed more than once that your despair tilts you towards careless thoughts. I think you can see the wrecklessness that leads to. But, what if there was a way to begin to care, to begin to be content? Would you want that? This is a bit of a loaded question, because I know all too well that the answer can be different on any given day when a person is so deeply hurting as you are now. But I ask that you think about it anyway.

As for the situation at work, you need to decide for yourself how you can move on whether you ever achieve an understanding or not. You may never get that explanation or be content with one if it was provided. It may never make sense to you, unfortunately. You can't numb yourself forever to get through it, ya know? You do deserve that explanation and have a right to feel confused. But how are you chosing to deal with that confusion?

You may not need to love yourself, but you have to respect yourself enough to feel worthy of love. Enough self-respect to find peace in your life whether your love life is active or not. If you don't believe you are worth loving, how can someone else be convinced of it enough to begin to let feelings grow? It is scary to love someone that is a danger to themselves. Love is such an illusive thing all on it's own, to add to that the risk that a person you could love may not be committed to life or sticking around may just be too big of a risk.

 

[mrtnmoon]

thanks for the thoughts... it's too much trouble right now for me to have coherent thoughts. it's kind of funny.... I'll zone out and then look up and realize I've been holding a button for awhile... like vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv. funny if it wasn't so pathetic. the anount of typo's is incredible, too. I'll get back to you .

just took me 10 minutes to type that, lol.thanks for the concern.

love you,m parkay... that's only parrrrrtly the druuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugs.

later. meeee

 

[mrtnmoon]

Go figure... flirting makes the world go 'round...

Speaking of which, my you have sexy eyes

bad form to go into some other guy's personal thread and flirt with someone that's talking to him, dude.

 

[Buttah]

thanks for the thoughts... it's too much trouble right now for me to have coherent thoughts. it's kind of funny.... I'll zone out and then look up and realize I've been holding a button for awhile... like vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv. funny if it wasn't so pathetic. the anount of typo's is incredible, too. I'll get back to you .

just took me 10 minutes to type that, lol.thanks for the concern.

love you,m parkay... that's only parrrrrtly the druuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugs.

later. meeee

I see the part about drugging yourself fell on deaf ears. Please take care M ... I worry about you so much. I want you to be around a long time. es from Parkay.

 

[mrtnmoon]

I see the part about drugging yourself fell on deaf ears. Please take care M ... I worry about you so much. I want you to be around a long time. es from Parkay.

not necessarily. I was already toasted, tho....it's not like I could snap my fingers and automatically be clear-headed again. I can't guarantee that I'm not a lost cause, but there are many more days that I'm drug-free than there are days I'm fucked up. apparently I was a little extra fucked up yesterday.


thanks for the concern.

 

[mrtnmoon]

I just looked over the last couple of pages again. you should all look at the bright side. if I ever make the ultimate mistake at least you won't have to read that kinda crap anymore. lol.

 

[nowgirl]

I just looked over the last couple of pages again. you should all look at the bright side. if I ever make the ultimate mistake at least you won't have to read that kinda crap anymore. lol.

ummmm - i don't think you read what i read mrmoon - that a few people here would like to see you stick around. including me. and what's with this just another guy thing? yikes. as much as i know you won't believe me because of the place you are in (dark side of the moon & all..) - i've enjoyed talking to & posting with you....

<----------- so here's an annoying smiley face for you. and a

 

[sortacurious]

I just looked over the last couple of pages again. you should all look at the bright side. if I ever make the ultimate mistake at least you won't have to read that kinda crap anymore. lol.

*sigh* Don't make me talk stern to ya!

I was really hoping this was a post more along the lines of "after looking over the last couple pages, I've decided to make some positive changes and take better care of myself"...but I will keep up hope (even when you don't have it) that the day is coming when I will read that post.

 

[mrtnmoon]

*sigh* Don't make me talk stern to ya!

I was really hoping this was a post more along the lines of "after looking over the last couple pages, I've decided to make some positive changes and take better care of myself"...but I will keep up hope (even when you don't have it) that the day is coming when I will read that post.

actually, what I'm leaning towards right now is sticking to the trivia threads and other "meaningless" threads like that. not to slight those threads, because I think they're a lot of fun. kind of a drag that my own trivia thread doesn't get nearly the traffic that the other ones do, but.... *shrugs*.

just been thinking maybe I'd be better off if I wasn't quite so open. then again, that could change in a day or two. hell, even an hour or two.

 

[mrtnmoon]

I really can't remember if I posted this or not....

and I'm too lazy to go back over the last few pages and check, so my apologies if this is a re-run.

mom got to come home last weekend. she's still not 100%... she'll have to be on oxygen and get breathing treatments and have a nurse come out to the house to check on her, at least for awhile. she's doing a lot better than when she went in, to.

she's such a character....she came home for a visit the week before and two of her therapists came with her, to observe how well she got around the trailer and make any recommendations for things we might have to change. also to see what kinds of things they need to really work on to get mom ready. they were pretty pleased with the way things were set up, and so they didn't stay very long. they said mom could stick around and visit as long as we got her back by dinner time. time to take her back, and she actually thanks us for letting her stay. it cracked me and my bro up.

so did this.... they were going to let her come home on a friday, but she wanted to stay another day so her roommate wouldn't get too lonely before she (the roommate) got to go home on sunday. first we couldn't get her to go to the place, now we can't get her to come home. it's nice to have her back, tho... except when I have to help her take care of her.... uhhh... "business".

welcome home, ma.

 

[SecretLove69]

I'm happy for you Moonbeam.....I know about the caregiving thing. You're a good son along with being just an all around GREAT guy.




Oh and I know about the "business" thing - helped with my dad for a long time and was pretty much his steady caregiver at the last. I new more about my father's parts than I ever wanted to know.

 

[mrtnmoon]

I'm happy for you Moonbeam.....I know about the caregiving thing. You're a good son along with being just an all around GREAT guy.

nope... I'm just some guy.

Oh and I know about the "business" thing - helped with my dad for a long time and was pretty much his steady caregiver at the last. I new more about my father's parts than I ever wanted to know.

well... I've got an advantage, at least so far. my bro takes care of most of that stuff, although I'm sure at some point I'll have to do it. not fair to make him do everything.

since you've been in the situation, tho, maybe you can answer a question that we've been wondering about. what's the proper thing to do in public? I mean, is it more proper for one of us to take her into the men's room, or to go into the ladies' room with her? so far we haven't had to worry about it because we haven't been out with her much, but I know it'll come up at some point.

maybe this isn't something to talk about in public... it doesn't really bother me, but if you'd rather answer privately, you can. anyone else with an opinion may chime in, too.... I'm easy.

 

[mrtnmoon]

I was really looking for some input in the above post.

 

[SecretLove69]

nope... I'm just some guy. well... I've got an advantage, at least so far. my bro takes care of most of that stuff, although I'm sure at some point I'll have to do it. not fair to make him do everything.

since you've been in the situation, tho, maybe you can answer a question that we've been wondering about. what's the proper thing to do in public? I mean, is it more proper for one of us to take her into the men's room, or to go into the ladies' room with her? so far we haven't had to worry about it because we haven't been out with her much, but I know it'll come up at some point.

maybe this isn't something to talk about in public... it doesn't really bother me, but if you'd rather answer privately, you can. anyone else with an opinion may chime in, too.... I'm easy.

Sorry about the delay in response hon - was on mom duty myself today - the pharmacy, the store and up to the cemetary for grave maintenance.

Well, if you and your brother go with your mom when you go out - it's kinda easy - just first knock to make sure there are no other guests in the restroom and then one of you go in with your mom while the other stands guard outside. Most people are pretty accomodating if they have to wait and if they just HAVE to go - oh well - men and women pee in the same place at home.

If you happen to be alone with your mom I would just suggest taking her to the lady's room and going in with her and doing what is necessary. I'm sure people would understand the need for you to be there to assist your mom.

Sometimes we put Depends on dad for public outings and that usually worked pretty good if there was an accident. But I usually just went with him to the Men's room if he had to go and helped him.

I took him in the Men's room cuz that's where he was comfortable and I suspect your mother would be more comfortable using the Lady's room.

For the most part people were understanding and those that weren't - oh well - fuck em.

AND I'm glad to know that you're easy....I had my suspicions but now that you've confirmed it.