My smut needs reading, any takers?

[jamierose]

I hope this is in the appropriate place. I have enjoyed Literotica stories for years and finally have a story idea that I'd like to share. Over the last few days I have written and polished the first chapter. Since this is my first writing project I am a little worried I may be going in the wrong direction. If anyone hast he time to read this first chapter and let me know what they think I would be so happy. If this is the wrong place please let me know.

Extra Entertainment, chapter 1: http://pastebin.com/KLAwGndi

This is chapter 1 in a story about a manipulative and domineering rich socialite called Carmen. After learning about her husband's new girlfriend Carmen decides to take revenge in the only way she knows how - using sex as a weapon. Romatic smut with a wicked edge.

The chapter is around 1500 words. I really appreciate if you only manage to read the first paragraph, any feedback would be great.

Thanks,

-Jamie

 

[PennLady]

It's the right place, but for feedback on stories posted to Lit, not on other sites.

 

[lovecraft68]

Whether it belongs here or not, that's an interesting site.

Anyway, the way to go about it, is to simply ask if anyone here is interested in taking a peek at what you have. If they say they will you can exchange e-mails though pm and send it to them.

It would be helpful if you post a general idea of how long it is and what the subject matter is as some material may be offensive to some and not others

 

[jamierose]

Yes, sorry, it should have occurred to me to include a synopsis or something.

This is chapter 1 in a story about a manipulative and domineering rich socialite called Carmen. After learning about her husband's new girlfriend Carmen decides to take revenge in the only way she knows how - using sex as a weapon. Romatic smut with a wicked edge.

The chapter is around 1500 words. I really appreciate if you only manage to read the first paragraph, any feedback would be great.

Thanks!

 

[ttrfanatic]

Hi Jamierose,

I just did a cursory read of your story and it's not too bad although you definitely need some editing. There are numerous mistakes like you use "slid" where it should be "slide" and there are some plot errors as well. Overall not a bad first draft though. I would recommend you find a good editor to help you clean it up and then maybe beef up the storyline a little. But the "beefing up" part is just an opinion on my part. Someone else might find it perfectly acceptable as a nice stroke story. I just thought it was a little short is all.