My perception of Jesus...

[p_p_man]

If not a black man a very, very dark brown one.

Long, unkempt, filthy, greasy hair.

Long, unkempt, filthy, food splattered beard.

Rotten teeth.

Strong body odour.

More unwashed than washed.

Dirty underwear - if he wore any.

Dirty, ragged, brown or dark coloured robe.

Emaciated body, wild "mad" eyes.

Suffered from diarroeah, or constipation, or both.

Hacking morning cough.



Do you think I'm close?

 

[Aussie Worm]

Sounds like the homeless bum I saw at the local shopping centre last week.

 

[WriterDom]

I don' t think they had fruit of the looms back then.

 

[Todd]

I can't really say one way or the other, there is no life description of him in the bible besides:

"He is not of comely appearance"

Which basically destrayos every "beautiful" picture image that we see of hime today in churches and stuff

His "dad" {";s cause of the virgin conception thingy Jospeh just filled the role} was a carpenter and most Jewish children of the period trained for thier fathers work {kinda like nepotism} So I think he would of been quiet well built {no power tools ya know}. His hair didn't need to be long {differenence of Narite and nazerene}.

But for the most part speculation.

The real descriptions of him are of his spiritual body and they are mostly symbolic {Toungue as double edged sword, feet as brass}

Good question though

 

[sexy-girl]

like this

 

[pabloback]

ppman you described yourself to a tee , now how about your perception of jesus?

 

[p_p_man]

ppman you described yourself to a tee , now how about your perception of jesus?

Oh God! We've gotta a fucking comedian in the thread!!

Todd: that "not of comely appearance" description would fit the bill. Not someone you'd normally want to shake hands with.

sexygirl: Nah! too clean...

So where did all this cleaner than clean, well groomed, flahing white teeth, pitying but kind look come from then?...the Church I suppose.

Those people have got a lot to answer for...

 

[LadyDarkFire]

I think the church has worse thing to answer for than taking a little cleanser to the image of their Icon. How about they answer first for the same cleanser when they tried to apply it to their bloodthirsty and cruel past? Or, they could answer for their school uniforms launching Britney Spears. Whichever you judge worse.

 

[p_p_man]

Yes but if the Church thought it necessary...

to smarten up the image of Jesus it makes me wonder why...

Give me a wild-eyed, slightly crazy prophet any day to Mr Squeaky Clean Jesus. It's almost like he was a politician running for office.

Hey folks listen to what I say
You be good until Judgement Day
You'll get your angels and your harps of gold
Hey folks listen to what you been told.

I think something along the lines of...

Hey you arseholes paying your taxes
Take up your cudgels, take up your axes,
Smash the bastards that keep you down
Then from your shackles you can leap unbound.

Much more in keeping with good old fashioned, Old Testament teaching.

But then sigh the Church came along and had to spoil it all. Oh yeah it's alright if they go around smiting their enemies but if you or me do it we gona burn in hell man, burn in hell.

 

[LadyDarkFire]

Well, if everything the church and its people say is true, they are all going to Heaven. ... Where do I sign up to go to the guy with the horns? P., did you ever see Dogma? If you did, just remember The Buddy Christ. It explains everything, along with the Bishop being played by George Carlin.

 

[p_p_man]

Copied from LadyDarkFire's Post:

"Where do I sign up to go to the guy with the horns?"



As some people on the Boards will tell you I went on a quest for Satan a few months ago. Never found him.

But met some real weird characters on the way...

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

This is exactly why the Jews (and the Muslims) have a "no images" policy, because theological discussion is frequently supplanted and controlled and determined by deity depiction. It's like getting a long important letter from your bank and spending the day making financial decisions based on the envelope.

In the 12th century small towns relaized they could make a lot of moeny by creating "Religious Relics" that would attract pilgrims. Soon you had splinters of the cross and the bones of John the Baptist popping up all over the place. Images were commisioned by Princes wishing to publicize their treaures. And so begant he long and winding road that led to a plastic Jesus on the dashboard of your car.

I've always had in a mind a screnplay (which I'm sure I'll never write, so if anyone wants the idea, go ahead, steal it) of a story of Christ told as documentary. No burning eyes of blue and English accents and white robes and marbelized dialogue lifted from the King James Version ("Lo! Would you like fries with that?" "Verily I would." "That will be $4.76 unto you." "Blessed be." "You're welcome.") No -- my film would go to great pains to show how it all ACTUALLY might have happened. A Brown skinned though, I'm sure, clean, Jesus. (They were Jews, not Bowery Bums). A vital Judean society. A politically complicated Roman occupation. An ancient language.

Something akin to what Scorcese tried to do in "The Temptation of Christ" (I think he got the scenery down, but failed miserably with the whole "common man speech thing." Harvey Keitel as Judas with a New York accent? Fuggetaboutit, my Lord.)

 

[dza]

if the "historical" jesus bears any relation to other jews of his day and age, he was most certainly a semite, definetly not "white" or "black". he probably had short hair, and kept beard, bathed daily and kept kosher. the talmud spells the whole look out really.

 

[p_p_man]

Copied from Dixon Carter Lee's Post:

"It's like getting a long important letter from your bank and spending the day making financial decisions based on the envelope."


I like that, I really do. Definitely a quote to remember and be used casually at the first opportunity...

Now where's my social diary?...

 

[Kasha]

Found this, thought of this thread

Not sure if this is Jesus or maybe Willie Nelson?

 

[Demian]

Holy Fuck!!!Lololololololol...

Sexy girl and Kasha, that iz just too Funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

p_p man...I totally disagree...Though Jesus had a rock for a pillow, he could walk on water and raise people from the dead...I'll bet his shit didn't stink...I'll bet he was a beautiful man, though not necessarily like women's fantasy of dumbshit Fabio...But I'm sure Jesus wuz a real charmer...He had 1000s of people around him all of the time...My dad is a preacher, so I feel Christians have very little understanding of Jesus...It's better to read the Gospels for yourself, and cut out the Bullshit middle man preachers...The words of Jesus are incredible...I'd love to meet Jesus, but not the church way...

 

[p_p_man]

That's right Demian...

you discover the man that suits you. And I'll discover the man that suits me.

You're right about the preachers. I mean what do they know?

Exactly the same as you or me - absolutely nothing. Yet to hear them talk you'd think they had their own personal hotline to God.

I happen to think of Jesus as being a normal man living in his own time and therefore looking, dressing, smelling, eating and perhaps fornicating the way normal men do. I do not think he had any supernatural link with a deity. But by all accounts he was a damned good speaker. If you believe stories written about him 400 hundred years after his death. So it's all handed down by word of mouth in the end and we all know how reliable a method of communication that is.

No, I've got no problem with Jesus, but I've got a massive one with the Church and those that work for it...

As a matter of interest (and this is something I've only heard and never verified) there is no mention of Jesus or any Jewish uprising in any Italian history books of the period. Our friend Pontius Pilate gets a mention but nothing about JC.

 

[Demian]

I think he did have the Supernatural...

When you look at pyramids being all around the Earth...Stonehenge, they still can't figure out how it wuz done...

Jesus came and showed how to unlock the locked part of who we are...Does that make any sense? He showed us how to pass through inevitable Death into Life...Which is wut the Pyramids were about

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

Sheesh. So Christ came to earth to unlock the power behind making our razor blades sharper? (I could KILL the entire New Age movement).

They know how the pyramids were made. They know how Stonehenge was made. They know how the Easter Island statues were made. They know why people disappear in the Bermuda Triangle. And they know why they put the bop-shoop-bop in the ramma-lamma-ding-dong. Stop reading the books with the big print and the spaceshihp covers.