(perceptions vary by different viewers and are subject to be misinterpreted by each involved person. This is the truest form that I can make sense of and interpret)
What started out as beautiful, acceptance, fulfillment, friendship for the first few months, with repeated warnings from her (his slave) to be careful not to get hurt but all was fine. Two months in she said I loved him, He collared me, then about 5 months in - distancing happened, less communication, longer periods of time without talking and seeing between his slave and myself and between him and myself. I asked questions, concerned, asking why, if everything was alright and was told by his slave once, he doesn’t speak sometimes because he doesn’t have to. I meditated on this a while, accepted it and wrote to him saying this was what I was told and it was true and accepted. I was then released saying he was beginning to have guilty feelings and did not like this. he was not being responsible…???
Okay, this was the honorable thing to do in this situation as he said…but he still wished to be friends and play together as there was much for me to learn.
What I learnt here was to be honest except for questioning change or what is not understood or having a difficult time in understanding, or even concern…in some way or any way that could cause any guilty feelings. Where is honesty and openness here?
His slave had hardly any time for me now, so much more less than before and hurried. When they fought at the end of last summer, she called me at home, upset saying he abused her, saying what went on, they were no more, telling me someone else in his family also reiterated he has abused before, for me to go to him when he needed me and called me, he will and to please him….huh!?
Why would she put me in this situation, and why tear me apart when I cared for them both as a couple. I didn’t want to be placed in the middle of this. I ran away to vanilla friends for one night, to get away, fear of them splitting and feeling my world tearing apart also, not understanding anything but the need to get away and think for a night. While I was gone she had been trying to call me, and when I did get home, hearing her messages on my machine I was worried about her and called her, she accused me of being with him, of running straight to him..whoa!
They made up, short end of it, but now she wanted me to be her confidant, best friend as she called it, but had hardly time otherwise. Again, phone calls were hurried rushes. I had problems understanding and dividing myself between them as it felt, to listen to her every time they had problems or she had difficulties with him and wished to leave him and this life(BDSM).
I tried, but didn’t feel this was right, I was loyal to them both and …I have no clue what she wished from me, I still don’t understand, it upset me when she kept saying she was leaving him, it hurt and to hear what she was saying, it tore me apart between the two of them.
Just after Christmas she said it was like I had ratted her out when I didn’t understand and brought any subject matter up she talked about.
So what I learnt here was not to talk to him about anything she said, any problems we might be having or misunderstandings, trying to work and sort this out. If she told me something specific not to tell him, I did not, but it was the whole tone of what she said, how he would be with other submissives and not her, it turned out it was that he was playing in the dungeon and not taking her there, not ‘the being with other submissives’ another misunderstanding within a discussion.
I could not go to her because she had no longer had time to talk, no time to email, but did have time to read should I wish to send her emails, no more phone calls because I read to much into her tone (this was one area I did have problems with)
I could not go to him about the pain I was feeling over all of this because it would disturb his peace of mind and betray her.
Really, where is the honesty, where is the respect? Yes I looked respect up on the internet for the full definition, one definition was ‘to turn to, look up to.’
In the end I lied to him to force his hand to dismiss me, because saying I couldn’t continue with this relationship twice before did not work. This still did not work so I told him my feelings for him were out of perception with how they should be, allowing him the decision to release me. My feelings are really out of perception, there is so much pain, so much confusion, I feel responsible because as she said we had different ideas of what a friend was and I was not this friend she sought. She could not turn to me in times of need when things go wrong, or when she is confused. God in some ways it was almost like parents fighting and the mother turning to the daughter saying she was leaving, telling the daughter her version and perception of their fights, wishing me to take her side when I wished to take no side, caring for them both equal.
I don't know, maybe I am looking at this all wrong. Even between 3 friends I would not choose sides and would be torn apart.
I couldn’t stand the pain and confusion, every time he would come visit and said something about what was happening with her life since Christmas it would hurt, I would miss her, knowing I heard nothing from her, yet I couldn’t talk to him, nor could I talk to her.
I did talk to him once, and he said he thought we already resolved this, to look at each day as a new beginning, but how could I when she wouldn’t talk and I wasn’t allowed to talk to anyone about them, nor able to forget, she wouldn’t see me, no more phone calls, just more distance.
I really wonder if this is the true direction they both wished this to go in the end.
This was not friendship I don’t feel, but a terrible mess and tug of war…
If this is a part of BDSM, then I have seriously misunderstood something.
Another serious lesson, don’t get into triages.
What started out as beautiful, acceptance, fulfillment, friendship for the first few months, with repeated warnings from her (his slave) to be careful not to get hurt but all was fine. Two months in she said I loved him, He collared me, then about 5 months in - distancing happened, less communication, longer periods of time without talking and seeing between his slave and myself and between him and myself. I asked questions, concerned, asking why, if everything was alright and was told by his slave once, he doesn’t speak sometimes because he doesn’t have to. I meditated on this a while, accepted it and wrote to him saying this was what I was told and it was true and accepted. I was then released saying he was beginning to have guilty feelings and did not like this. he was not being responsible…???
Okay, this was the honorable thing to do in this situation as he said…but he still wished to be friends and play together as there was much for me to learn.
What I learnt here was to be honest except for questioning change or what is not understood or having a difficult time in understanding, or even concern…in some way or any way that could cause any guilty feelings. Where is honesty and openness here?
His slave had hardly any time for me now, so much more less than before and hurried. When they fought at the end of last summer, she called me at home, upset saying he abused her, saying what went on, they were no more, telling me someone else in his family also reiterated he has abused before, for me to go to him when he needed me and called me, he will and to please him….huh!?
Why would she put me in this situation, and why tear me apart when I cared for them both as a couple. I didn’t want to be placed in the middle of this. I ran away to vanilla friends for one night, to get away, fear of them splitting and feeling my world tearing apart also, not understanding anything but the need to get away and think for a night. While I was gone she had been trying to call me, and when I did get home, hearing her messages on my machine I was worried about her and called her, she accused me of being with him, of running straight to him..whoa!
They made up, short end of it, but now she wanted me to be her confidant, best friend as she called it, but had hardly time otherwise. Again, phone calls were hurried rushes. I had problems understanding and dividing myself between them as it felt, to listen to her every time they had problems or she had difficulties with him and wished to leave him and this life(BDSM).
I tried, but didn’t feel this was right, I was loyal to them both and …I have no clue what she wished from me, I still don’t understand, it upset me when she kept saying she was leaving him, it hurt and to hear what she was saying, it tore me apart between the two of them.
Just after Christmas she said it was like I had ratted her out when I didn’t understand and brought any subject matter up she talked about.
So what I learnt here was not to talk to him about anything she said, any problems we might be having or misunderstandings, trying to work and sort this out. If she told me something specific not to tell him, I did not, but it was the whole tone of what she said, how he would be with other submissives and not her, it turned out it was that he was playing in the dungeon and not taking her there, not ‘the being with other submissives’ another misunderstanding within a discussion.
I could not go to her because she had no longer had time to talk, no time to email, but did have time to read should I wish to send her emails, no more phone calls because I read to much into her tone (this was one area I did have problems with)
I could not go to him about the pain I was feeling over all of this because it would disturb his peace of mind and betray her.
Really, where is the honesty, where is the respect? Yes I looked respect up on the internet for the full definition, one definition was ‘to turn to, look up to.’
In the end I lied to him to force his hand to dismiss me, because saying I couldn’t continue with this relationship twice before did not work. This still did not work so I told him my feelings for him were out of perception with how they should be, allowing him the decision to release me. My feelings are really out of perception, there is so much pain, so much confusion, I feel responsible because as she said we had different ideas of what a friend was and I was not this friend she sought. She could not turn to me in times of need when things go wrong, or when she is confused. God in some ways it was almost like parents fighting and the mother turning to the daughter saying she was leaving, telling the daughter her version and perception of their fights, wishing me to take her side when I wished to take no side, caring for them both equal.
I don't know, maybe I am looking at this all wrong. Even between 3 friends I would not choose sides and would be torn apart.
I couldn’t stand the pain and confusion, every time he would come visit and said something about what was happening with her life since Christmas it would hurt, I would miss her, knowing I heard nothing from her, yet I couldn’t talk to him, nor could I talk to her.
I did talk to him once, and he said he thought we already resolved this, to look at each day as a new beginning, but how could I when she wouldn’t talk and I wasn’t allowed to talk to anyone about them, nor able to forget, she wouldn’t see me, no more phone calls, just more distance.
I really wonder if this is the true direction they both wished this to go in the end.
This was not friendship I don’t feel, but a terrible mess and tug of war…
If this is a part of BDSM, then I have seriously misunderstood something.
Another serious lesson, don’t get into triages.
it started out healthy, it was downright beautiful to be honest. 
