My neighbors: Sad, but true

[MissTaken]

I recently moved into an area where there are many children. My children have made some friends. They all seem to be drawn to our home as there is a swing set and the occasional popsicle.

Yesterday, a seven year old girl who has been visiting off and on told me her mom and step dad were fighting again. I asked her if she was okay. She said, "Yeah." She then took me behind the trailer to tell me a secret. The fight between her mom and step dad started when mom came home to find step dad with his hands down the 14 year old cousin's pants.

Sally, the 7 year old, then went to play with my children. Over the course of the next hour, she would slip over to where I was sitting to say one or two sentences and then go play.

Some of the things going on are:
1. She hates when step dad drinks.
2. Step dad hits mom.
3. She found step dad "making out" with her 12 yr old brother.
4. She gave step dad her room and she sleeps with mom until step dad "likes" mom again.
5. She has not been touched by step dad in "that" way.
6. Mom hit step dad and told her she would call the police if he ever did anything like this again. (As if twice isn't enough.)
7. Step dad is "sick."

Eventually, Sally sat down beside me and wiped her eyes. I talked to her about feeling safe and feeling scared. WE talked about the things she could do is she didn't feel safe, including find me. She was able to list several other people who would help her. We even talked about what to do if step dad did anything to her.

Now, I KNOW this is very reportable. I know this needs to be reported. I haven't called the hotline yet. Why? I am afraid of what stepdad would do to me or my kids, our home or car if he found out that I had turned him in. I am more afraid of what he would do to Sally if he knew she had been telling family secrets. The guy has made me nervous since I first met him.

So, I told Sally to go to school and tell her teacher. The teacher would be able to help her and her mom. I don't know if she did as I didn't get any time alone with her today.

This has to be reported. Either I can do it and take significant risks for all or, perhaps I should call Sally's teacher. The teacher is mandated to report and actually knows Sally better than I do.

I am sick and scared, as I am sure Sally is.

Anyway, any thoughts?

It is a sick fucking world tonight. Something has to change for this precious seven year old for whom the light of innocence has been extinguished.

 

[Sillyman]

Report the guy. Go on. Have some courage woman. What will he do to your kids if you don't?

 

[peachykeen]

you can call child protective services anonymously

 

[Nora]

Call her teacher, at the very least. If you get the impression that the teacher's not taking you (or sally) seriously, call Children's Protective Services.

 

[deliciously_naughty]

You can report the guy anonymously. That way you're helping *sally* and keeping your own family safe...remember silence is the reason that abuse continues...someone needs to speak up.

 

[ma_guy]

Well MissTaken, I don't know you from a hill of beans but for what it's worth...

CALL RIGHT FUCKING NOW!

Like it or not, you know. You ARE in it - right in the middle of it. I've seen enough of your posts to know that you'd be one hell of a wreck if somthing happens to that little girl.

Look in your phone book and/or check your state's Child Protective Services WWW site. They have anonymous reporting lines. USE ONE - TONIGHT!

 

[WhatsHerName]

As hard of a decision as it is...at the least call the school and talk to Sally's teacher tomorrow. Have her talk to Sally, they can call the authorities before she leaves school most likely.

~hugs~ I can't imagine how I would handle it...very scary for that little girl and her family.

 

[lilminx]

Call her teacher, at the very least. If you get the impression that the teacher's not taking you (or sally) seriously, call Children's Protective Services.

That's what I was thinking.

I'm sorry that you (and the little girl) are in such a predicament. That's terrible.

Sillyman? You asked what he can do? Have you NOT read what Miss T said about this guy? If he's going to do the stuff he does with people who are related to him, what makes you think that he might not do it with someone else's kids, as an act of vengeance?

 

[Ukin]

MissT? You and I are very good friends and long may we be so too. However, I am slighty sad that you haven't done anything yet. Kids do say things, but from what you said she said, she cannot have made it up.
You have a duty to protect her, her brother and her cousin..let alone YOUR OWN children.

Phone love, please phone and get this sicko off of the streets and protect the young ones around you. Please.

 

[nike]

You should definitely talk to a teacher at the very least and maybe even her principal. i dont blame you for worrying about the repercussions of telling , but staying silent will have even worse repercussions.

 

[ma_guy]

Sorry if I sounded a little harsh with my 1st post MissTaken but I get a little pissed when I hear about these kinds of things.

I rememberl you posting something at one time about being in NY.

http://www.ocfs.state.ny.us/main/cps/default.htm

1-800-342-3720

If I missed the state let me know the correct one and I'll be happy to find you the info...

 

[Sandia]

MissT, it sounds like you've handled it wonderfully so far. Much better than I would, I'm sure. Talking to the child like you did was wonderful, and inspiring.

***
On a different note... CPS is not the golden haired chile here...

Think everything you hate about the post office and the IRS, and then combine them, and put them in charge of your children.

You get the idea.

I'm not saying don't call them, MissT. Call.

But remember that girl in FL they lost? It took them months to notice... and I don't think they've found her yet.

 

[MissTaken]

Okay, now I am embarrassed to admit this, but for those who don't know me, I am a social worker. I have done child protective investigations and what I do know is that the parents will find out who made the report, whether it is because they see a worker coming to my home or Sally tells them she told me.

IT happens over and over. This is a very rural and close knit community. Anonymous is only as anonymous as one can make it in an area where everyone knows everyone else, to some degree or another.

I also know that mom's silly ass threat bought at least a few days of good behavior from step dad. It is common for violent men to "honeymoon" when they feel they have been confronted by their SO. The apologies and sweetness will go on for a bit. I am trying to use this time to make the right decision. Things were calm there today and Sally seemed just fine.

What can he do?
The guy has an anger management problem. Not only is he a pervert, but he could do anything. I only know him from the month I have lived here.

Could he torch my home? Who knows?
Could he come to the door and threaten me or harm me? Who knows?
Could he beat the shit out of me, my kids or Sally? Who knows? But he obviously has no respect for women as evidenced by his behavior towards mom.

For all who think it is critical to judge me and my decision, remember I am a single parent. I am solely responsible for my own children and while I wil see to it that this gets reported, it needs to be done in a manner in which I can protect my family.

And no, I have NO fear of getting involved. If I did, would I have offered my home to Sally? Wouldn't I have simply turned a deaf ear?

Phoning the teacher, so far, seems the safest way to go for all.

 

[MissTaken]

MissT, it sounds like you've handled it wonderfully so far. Much better than I would, I'm sure. Talking to the child like you did was wonderful, and inspiring.

***
On a different note... CPS is not the golden haired chile here...

Think everything you hate about the post office and the IRS, and then combine them, and put them in charge of your children.

You get the idea.

I'm not saying don't call them, MissT. Call.

But remember that girl in FL they lost? It took them months to notice... and I don't think they've found her yet.

Thank YOU!

 

[Siren]

 

[penguindance]

 

[kiwiwolf]

MissT we've chatted before and I know how you feel about this sort of thing. There are ways of protecting you and yours. Call the cops and let them know your concerns. I know you'll do the right thing. You are too good a person not to.

 

[cutie pie]

I live in a small, close-knit community as well, so I understand where MissT is coming from.

Not only would she be putting herself and her children at risk, but possibly Sally and Sally's mom, as well.

I vote for call the teacher. Tomorrow. First thing.

Keep us posted.

 

[Sandia]

MissT, like I said, I think you've done wonderfully by showing your friendship to this child, and it sounds like you've said all the right things. To me. You'd probably know better than I.

I didn't realize - or I'd forgotten - that you're a social worker.

I'm not a social worker, but I've dealt with CPS. In my experience, CPS is not a magic bullet. Sometimes they cause as many problems as they solve.

If you've dealt with them, or worked for them, I'd be curious to know what you think.

 

[sufisaint]

Give me his name and address I will have a little chat him..make him see the light.....

 

[ub6ibfine]

see now this is where i agree with the law. i really dont care to much for po-9 but, i do care to handle bastards like this. i think
we should bring back stoning for cases like this hey pass me the
rock. he will pay do trust belive or not I am does watch over the little ones very good.

 

[lickerish]

I don't know if this is just where I live (Oregon) but here, it don't amount to a hill of beans by telling the teacher. It's hearsay. The teacher could get in a lot of trouble from 'he said, she said', even get fired or sued for interfering.

In most cases it takes seeing bruises for a teacher to get involved.


I would call the cops, because I know CPS usually doesn't do shit. I've had friends who tried to call anonymously, and were told that if they don't reveal themselves, there will be no investigation.



I'm sorry you have to go through this MissT.. I went through something similarly heartwrenching.. <edited to add: this was a single mom using drugs, with 2 little sons in her care) I ended talking to their dad when I saw him, by chance, in public... he did all the 'dirty work' and I didn't have to get 'involved'.

 

[Ukin]

MissT? Wonderful response to some of the posts...MINE included. I can understand you better now..and I apologize for being a little critical. I guess it is easier for us who are miles away from the problem.

 

[peachykeen]

lickerish I am surprised at your response; as a teacher in NJ I was obligated by law to report any suspected abuse. I thought it was that way in all 50 but apparently not.

 

[MechaBlade]

This is when I fucking hate people.