JohnnySavage
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2008
- Posts
- 44,472
So this morning I was talking my morning walk down Johnny Savage Lane, just minding my own business and thinking about current events (as I recall, I was thinking about the Fed's taper of about $10 billion next month; which made me think about the effect on interest rates; which, obviously led me to recall that FHA just tapped its credit line with the Fed for an additional $1.5 billion... but I digress)
Where was I?
Oh yes... so as I was walking, and nearly solving all the world's problems, I came around a corner; and there in front of me, right in the middle of the road, was a big-ass camel!
Right there in the middle of the street!
So I stop dead in my tracks and think to myself, "Damn, that's one big-ass camel, right there."
Of course, the camel was probably thinking, "Damn, that's one strapping figure of a man, right there."
As the camel and I were staring each other down, I began to wonder: Should I ignore it an continue my stroll? Should I shoo it away (not really knowing how one shoo's away a camel)? Should I call 911?
Of course ignoring a camel in the road is no easier than ignoring an elephant in the room.
So then I thought about shoo'ing it away. I think camels bite, so I didn't want to get too close. I have a very pretty face and don't want a camel biting it off. I also think I read somewhere that camels spit. Nobody wants camel spit on their face. Of course, I had a dip of Skoal in at the time (Straight long cut) so I would certainly spit right back. I'm all for an eye-for-an-eye justice.
Just as the camel and I were about to work out this impasse, my neighbor (well, actually he lives about a half a mile away) came running down the street screaming in some jihad language (he's an Arab of some sort).
...
Here's a funny story about this neighbor (I don't know his name so I'll call him Ahmed): When he moved in about 15 years ago he created quite a stir with the county regulators. He bought this huge Greeco-Roman house (I don't actually know what a Greeco-Roman house looks like, but his has columns and topiary and fountains and all the rest of what would imagine a Greeco-Roman house would look like (think big, fancy funeral home))... Where was I? Oh yes, he bought this big house with naked statues. The first thing he did was paint pubic hair and nipples on the statues. I thought it was very funny and that we would become great friends. Ironically, this was about the time pubic hair all but disappeared on actual women. Our friendship wasn't to be though as the county sued him and there were years of legal machinations; the end result was that he now has white naked statues and doesn't like Americans any more.
......
Back to the story.
So Ahmed comes running down the street like I was a disco and he had a bomb strapped to his chest. It was kinda funny as he was wearing one of those long white dresses as is the custom with Arabs. Actually, as I like to free-ball, I bet those long white dresses are pretty comfortable...
Anyway, Ahmed runs right up to that camel and smacks it right square in the snout. He then grabbed it by the fur under it's chin and led it back down the street... never once giving me a "G'day, sir"
As I've come to understand, Ahmed has a passel of snot-blowers and was putting on a birthday party for one of them. The camel was there to provide rides for all the little bastards and had escaped. Which, I can understand. I don't like kids either.
I didn't even know he had kids. He probably has a wife or two as well, and probably a few domestic slaves from the Philippines. I don't think the women-folk are allowed out of the house. Its a cultural thing... He probably doesn't have to put up with a lot of backtalk either.
All in all, it was a pretty interesting morning. I got to see a camel. A man in a dress came running down the street screaming like a mad-man. And I think I've solved the debt crisis
Where was I?
Oh yes... so as I was walking, and nearly solving all the world's problems, I came around a corner; and there in front of me, right in the middle of the road, was a big-ass camel!
Right there in the middle of the street!
So I stop dead in my tracks and think to myself, "Damn, that's one big-ass camel, right there."
Of course, the camel was probably thinking, "Damn, that's one strapping figure of a man, right there."
As the camel and I were staring each other down, I began to wonder: Should I ignore it an continue my stroll? Should I shoo it away (not really knowing how one shoo's away a camel)? Should I call 911?
Of course ignoring a camel in the road is no easier than ignoring an elephant in the room.
So then I thought about shoo'ing it away. I think camels bite, so I didn't want to get too close. I have a very pretty face and don't want a camel biting it off. I also think I read somewhere that camels spit. Nobody wants camel spit on their face. Of course, I had a dip of Skoal in at the time (Straight long cut) so I would certainly spit right back. I'm all for an eye-for-an-eye justice.
Just as the camel and I were about to work out this impasse, my neighbor (well, actually he lives about a half a mile away) came running down the street screaming in some jihad language (he's an Arab of some sort).
...
Here's a funny story about this neighbor (I don't know his name so I'll call him Ahmed): When he moved in about 15 years ago he created quite a stir with the county regulators. He bought this huge Greeco-Roman house (I don't actually know what a Greeco-Roman house looks like, but his has columns and topiary and fountains and all the rest of what would imagine a Greeco-Roman house would look like (think big, fancy funeral home))... Where was I? Oh yes, he bought this big house with naked statues. The first thing he did was paint pubic hair and nipples on the statues. I thought it was very funny and that we would become great friends. Ironically, this was about the time pubic hair all but disappeared on actual women. Our friendship wasn't to be though as the county sued him and there were years of legal machinations; the end result was that he now has white naked statues and doesn't like Americans any more.
......
Back to the story.
So Ahmed comes running down the street like I was a disco and he had a bomb strapped to his chest. It was kinda funny as he was wearing one of those long white dresses as is the custom with Arabs. Actually, as I like to free-ball, I bet those long white dresses are pretty comfortable...
Anyway, Ahmed runs right up to that camel and smacks it right square in the snout. He then grabbed it by the fur under it's chin and led it back down the street... never once giving me a "G'day, sir"
As I've come to understand, Ahmed has a passel of snot-blowers and was putting on a birthday party for one of them. The camel was there to provide rides for all the little bastards and had escaped. Which, I can understand. I don't like kids either.
I didn't even know he had kids. He probably has a wife or two as well, and probably a few domestic slaves from the Philippines. I don't think the women-folk are allowed out of the house. Its a cultural thing... He probably doesn't have to put up with a lot of backtalk either.
All in all, it was a pretty interesting morning. I got to see a camel. A man in a dress came running down the street screaming like a mad-man. And I think I've solved the debt crisis
