My girlfriend isn't into dominating me

[bleehedingart]

I'm in a relationship right now with a woman who I love deeply, however being submissive is something that I want in our relationship (not just in bed, but in general) I have talked to her about this, and it just isn't something she is into. I respect her and love her more than anything, but I feel that I need more than she is wanting to give. Any advice?

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

I'm in a relationship right now with a woman who I love deeply, however being submissive is something that I want in our relationship (not just in bed, but in general) I have talked to her about this, and it just isn't something she is into. I respect her and love her more than anything, but I feel that I need more than she is wanting to give. Any advice?

Unless she is a great actor and your into roleplay she can't give what she doesn't have in the first place. Dominance is not 'acquired' like one buys a car. Sounds like at least she is honest. Thats a better platform than most relationships.

If your not going to be satisfied love& respect her enough to end the relationship before it becomes more a travesty than anyone deserves.

 

[bleehedingart]

Thanks

Thanks, that's what I figured, I was just hoping...

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

Thanks, that's what I figured, I was just hoping...

Its human to hope and I am sorry if your hurt or sad. Its just what you were wishing for is unrealistic unfortunately. Least your both intelligent enough to articulate your needs with honesty. I hope if nothing else there is someway to protect the friendship in the longer term providing she desires that also . Its doesn't happen always but it can.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I have an outlook on love wherein you cannot love someone who can not give you the things you need to be fulfilled. That does not mean a Jag and flashy house, but the fundamental elements you need in your relationship and partner. Many fall into the trap of believing they are in love with someone, but what it is more realistically is infatuation on a physical or superficial level, coupled with a fantasy of how they want to see that person. If you find yourself wanting to change fundamental things about your partner which are part of their personality and character, it is not them you are in love with but the idea/fantasy of who you want them to be. Does that make sense? Just as you do not expect them to expect you to deny your desires in this matter, nor do you fel you can, nor should you expect them to deny their own preferences and magically desire the things you need/want because you want them to.

Catalina

 

[gingermango]

Catalina's reply is, as usual, eloquently written and full of sound insight.

I have been in your shoes and ended up in a very unhappy relationship and (eventually) divorced. It does no good to demand what can't be given, and neither does it do any good to deny yourself what you need.

All I can really say is good luck in your quest and don't give up hope of finding who or what you truly require in life.

 

[mcgill82ferret]

I think that @}-}rebecca---- and catalina_francisco have said it as clear as anyone can. I agree completly.

 

[onyxvixen]

You're submissive, so let me flip this on its head and ask you what your response would be if your girl asked YOU to dominate HER. Would you? Could you? Would you genuinely try and wear the Dom hat, for her? Would it be a total act of self sacrifice?

You've given very little info about your gf but she's either open to this kind of chat or she's not. If she's said no but hasn't freaked out at the very thought you could try bartering.

Reverse psychology, stop whining for what you want.

Have a nice meal together, a few drinks, get relaxed and intimate, set the mood a little, pamper and compliment her a bit. Ask her what her unfulfilled fantasies are, get her cards on the table as well. Unless she's after something off the chart, talk about acting out her fantasies, how much you want to please her, how sexy and desirable she is.

Don't focus on asking her to dominate you, she's already refused. Explain how the thought of submitting to her makes you feel, serving her, worshipping her - try to help your gf see what the potential benefits of having you on your knees could be.

Either you can discuss things openly and reach a compromise, maybe you both switch around a little, whatever, or you can't. As others have said, if she can't do it or simply doesn't want to try, you have to repsect that.

Only you can decide how important submission is to you.

Only you can decide how important your gf is to you.

 

[PandoraSpox]

I'm in a relationship right now with a woman who I love deeply, however being submissive is something that I want in our relationship (not just in bed, but in general) I have talked to her about this, and it just isn't something she is into. I respect her and love her more than anything, but I feel that I need more than she is wanting to give. Any advice?

I'm in a similar situation with my boyfriend. I've tried to tell him I want to be treated like a sub, but he wants the same thing! Its impossible and I've been letting the relationship linger on for MONTHS. Its like we've lost that spark in the relationship and neither of us have confronted the other about it. He really really wants me to dominate him but I can't do it because I'm just not turned on by dominating, I'd rather be the submissive one!

So, I think its something you can't change. If she's not into it, she just isn't and you should spare each other any more of the relationship lingering on if you feel you can't live without it. She sounds like a great girl and like one you could talk to about the whole thing. Tell her about how you feel the relationship can't be complete without it and how its something you're looking for... see how she feels.

I duno I've only been in one serious relationship so my advice isn't that good. (I mean I can't even fix the situation with me and my boyfriend)