My first story!

[LilAshley]

Hey I just finished my first story. Please read it and tell me what you thought about it or any other comments you would like to add. Thanxx!!


http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=58163

Not sure if I posted that right, it's under group sex and titled "Daddy's Poker Party"

 

[ANiceGuy]

Can I join the next game??

I would sure like to read more adventures staring LilAshley!!!

 

[hogjack]

The story didn't focus...

... enough on the poker game.

 

[ANiceGuy]

Poker Game?

Poker Game? I thought it was a poke her game!! hehehe

 

[estories69]

Nice Story

I must say, a very good story for your first time. Keep up the good work. I hope you had fun writing it. That's the most important part.

It would have been even better if you prolonged the poker game and went a little slower.

Hope to read more from you.

 

[LilAshley]

Thanxx

Thanks for the comments from everyone.

I had originally planned on playing the game out a little longer. More teasing, more of the guys winning and telling Ashley to do naughty things, but I cut it kinda short. I thought it would get too long, guess the next installment willl have to be longer. Anyone have some ideas for Ashley's next naughty adventure??

ANiceGuy nice AV and pic. Is it you? If so who is the lucky girl??

 

[ladyphoenix]

The Poker Game

I can see from the previous comments that I'm about to make myself unpopular here, but you asked for feedback.
Darlin, this is great jackoff material, so if that's what you were going for, you accomplished it. You have to tell us how tall everyoen is, how much they weight; how long their cock is? That's only one of the differences between an erotic piece of written art, and a forum letter to Hustler.
Sorry, the writing wasn't very strong; the grammar needs work and the girl's personality was anything but believable. Keep working at it.

 

[AngelAmanda]

I liked your Poke her game!

I was in a poker game with a bunch of guys once. All I got was my pussy slurped while I gave a double blow job and the story about it all over school the next day. I think the winner had 5 aces too??? I like your story better than my experience.