My first post here

[SweetPussyCat]

I have been writing since childhood, here is a short one of mine. Thanks to those who read it.

SweetPussyCat

I Dream a Little Sometimes.

I dream a little sometimes of your strong stimulating hands, with the ability to transform me into the muse of your imaginings.

I dream a little sometimes of your salty sweet kisses placed upon every inch of my imperfect impatient physique that waits for you nightly.

I dream a little sometimes of a future with adoration and expectation of each word that drips from your benevolent lips.

I dream a little sometimes that the word “future” will be more than just a concept.

I dream a little sometimes that your empty indifferent thoracic cavity will be filled with feelings for me one day.

I dream a little sometimes that my soul and mind are not truly deteriorating away waiting for you.

I dream a little sometimes that I will be able to stop dreaming.

 

[butters]

welcome to the forum, SPC

It's good to see new names posting their writes. Have a good look round, sound out the place, and please feel free to join in on any discussions, challenges, airing of views you care to and then there's the bar

this is a good place to hone whatever skills you already possess - and i can tell from reading your piece above that you have an ear for sound.

 

[todski28]

Welcome to a place of many weird and wonderful things, I enjoyed most of you poem but the use of repetition to the scale used here normally has me bailing out of a poem pretty quick could maybe subvert some of the openings from "i dream a little" the constant repeats , repeated, repeatedly tends to be over the top after being repeated , more than 5 times, however the sounds and images in the rest of the piece kept me interested enough to finish reading.

I hope you stick around

 

[HoneyAdored]

I'm a vergin' on the ridiculous here too!

Hiya SPC,

I felt a purity and sensitivity in your words.

Simple and understated, it evoked emotion and I connected.

Enjoyable!

p.s. Though I do agree with Tod regarding the repetitiveness, as it is written in a state of dreaminess, it does fit in a way. I have used repetitiveness myself to portray a feeling, but it does often lead to a boring read from an outsiders point of view.

 

[twelveoone]

God, I love this:
I dream a little sometimes that your empty indifferent thoracic cavity will be filled with feelings for me one day.

Here is the problem, most people read from the beginning, by the third stanza, you probably lost them. Pert' near a perfectly balanced poem, overdrawing on the concept though.