My First Party

[CarolineOh]

I'm going to be attending my first BDSM party at a private club this weekend. I have a little experience in private play, and a very open mind. I will be attending with a close friend and her husband/dom so I am not worried about safety or anything like that. But of course, I'm still a litle bit nervous.
Any advice or words of encouragement would be appreciated.

 

[Frouwa_Aph]

I'm going to be attending my first BDSM party at a private club this weekend. I have a little experience in private play, and a very open mind. I will be attending with a close friend and her husband/dom so I am not worried about safety or anything like that. But of course, I'm still a litle bit nervous.
Any advice or words of encouragement would be appreciated.

There's one single advice to give! Enjoy yourself! It'll be a great experience.

Monika

 

[cymbidia]

Ah! Fun!


Okay, well, often (not always but often), the living room or front room or main room of the house isn't a place where really startling play will be happening (at least not early in the evening). Mostly, that area will resemble a fetish-tinged, all-dressed-up party like any other. People will be drinking. People will be sitting close (some at the feet of others ~grin~ on leashes). People will be talking about normal, everyday stuff, too.

Upstairs or in the bedrooms or farther from the front door, however, there will be lots of really eye-popping stuff going on. In all these places, please remember that those involved are doing whatever they're doing consensually.

Here's a few standard courtesies:

1. Don't touch anyone else without permission. some Dom/mes get very irate about even casual touches of their sub. "Look but don't touch" is a good rule for play parties.

2. Don't get involved with anything, anyone, any kinda play unless you've been invited. That subbie all bound up on her knees in the corner might look thirsty but if you bring her a soda, he Dom/me might get highly pissed off. You really don't want to get in the middle of anyone else's scene. Oh no. Bad bad bad play party manners.

3. If you don't like what's going on with one scene or another, leave the general area. We all have different kinks, sometimes *very* different kinks. Leave them to theirs. You may *not* object to anything you see being done to another person at a party unless it's very obviously non-consensual, and then you should go find the party host (or the people that you came with) and talk to them about it, quietly expressing your fears.

4. Mostly, lifestylers don't drink much or do drugs when they're scening in honor of that consent thing. It's considered bad manners to get (or come to) a play party when one is obviously drunk or stoned.

5. As with any party given at someone's home, a nice bottle of wine or something is appreciated as you walk in the door. If nothing else, other people will want one, too, and you'll begin to get invited to all the parties.

6. If someone wants to touch you, or wants you to touch them - wants to scene, either in public or in one of the more private rooms, you don't have to participate. Be polite, say something about this being your first party and you're not comfortable scening yet. They shouldn't push. If they do, again, go talk to the party host or your friends.

7. Please be aware that there's never gonna be any real privacy at such parties unless you're behind a locked door, and that's not usual. People walk into and out of all the rooms at will during play parties. If you're secening, expect it will be for public consumption. If you can't scene in public comfortably, then decline the oppotunity by explaining that to the one who wishes your participation.

What else...? What else...? What else...?


Oh what fun you'll have!

 

[CarolineOh]

Monika and cymbidia. thanks for the encouragement!
The party is at some sort of clubhouse facility, not in a private home, cym, but I'm sure most of your advice will apply anyway. Thanks so much.
My friend and I are going to go shopping for an outfit for me to wear tomorrow. I'll keep you posted

 

[monster666]

Monika and cymbidia. thanks for the encouragement!
The party is at some sort of clubhouse facility, not in a private home, cym, but I'm sure most of your advice will apply anyway. Thanks so much.
My friend and I are going to go shopping for an outfit for me to wear tomorrow. I'll keep you posted

You'd better keep us posted - we want the dirt!

 

[cymbidia]

OH YEH!

And nothing -nothing- you do or see (or smell or taste or touch or wear or participate in or watch or etc) at these parties can be discussed oput in your regular life, either, with your everyday friends.

If you see someone that you know (your dentist or grocery store checker or bank teller or... or... or... ) from this party out in your regualr everyday life, then you can smile and wink but that's about it. If they don't want to talk about it, you gotta give them that space.

For instance: On Saturday, i walked in to get my hair trimmed. A man was sitting in one of the chairs. He spoke to his hair person and i immediately recognized his voice as someone from my local munch. I caught his eye in the mirror, we smiled at each other, he winked, and that was it. It would have been inappropriate for any more contact than that since my 13 year old daughter was with me.

Discretion.
Gotta have discretion.

Most of them will react strongly, with shock and dismay (at least), to find out what kinda pervert is cutting their hair or putting their pizza together or checking the numbers on their home electricity meter.

 

[CarolineOh]

cymbidia, I have been given all the rules of the club, and you are right, they emphasize discretion strongly.
So, Monster, I'll be happy to let you know how I feel about the experience, but if you want *all* the dirt, you're gonna have to sneak in and watch

 

[CarolineOh]

Well! My eyes have been opened to the wide world of fetish fashion. I tried on things I never knew existed, let alone imagined being seen in myself
Here's a picture of the dress I chose, it's one of the more conservative things we looked at, and we thought it was a good outfit for a switch, not you subbie and not too Domme. What do you all think?http://store.fetish-factory.com/images/LGA/lg/V5523c.jpg

 

[CarolineOh]

Oh, and here's my shoes to go with!
http://store.fetish-factory.com/images/SSS/sm/004656a.jpg

 

[CarolineOh]

Well! My eyes have been opened to the wide world of fetish fashion. I tried on things I never knew existed, let alone imagined being seen in myself
Here's a picture of the dress I chose, it's one of the more conservative things we looked at, and we thought it was a good outfit for a switch, not you subbie and not too Domme. What do you all think?http://store.fetish-factory.com/images/LGA/lg/V5523c.jpg

 

[Hecate]

Awesome dress and excellent choice of shoes! hope you can walk in them *winks*

May I just ask for a price range? Just curious to see if it was worth heading for a shopping trip over the ocean

 

[CarolineOh]

Awesome dress and excellent choice of shoes! hope you can walk in them *winks*

May I just ask for a price range? Just curious to see if it was worth heading for a shopping trip over the ocean

The store clerk gave me the url for the wholesaler, which is where I got the pictures. You can take a look there, I'm sure they will ship overseas. I paid $109 for the dress and $89 for the shoes (U.S.). Of course, they are less from this site, but I wasn't going to wait for shipping! As for walking in the shoes, I plan to change into them after we get there, there's no way I'm going to try to wear them on snowy streets!!!
Here's the link: http://store.eyecandyinternational.com/

 

[Lain]

I bought a dress like that one (might even be the same one -- can't say for sure without seeing the front) here in new england for $80. It's wonderful. Fun to move in and feels very sexy to wear. It was my first foray into fetish fashion, as well.

Lain

 

[CarolineOh]

I bought a dress like that one (might even be the same one -- can't say for sure without seeing the front) here in new england for $80. It's wonderful. Fun to move in and feels very sexy to wear. It was my first foray into fetish fashion, as well.

Lain

Not to mention that some of us are a little bigger in the hips than we wish we were, and the line of the dress covers that up

 

[James Blandings]

A classy choice, Caroline, I'm sure you'll look great.

 

[cymbidia]

Gorgeous dress!
Stunning shoes!
You'll fit right in, Caroline.


I'm handicapped.
I *cannot* actually walk in shoes like that.
I can put them on.
I can usually stand up in them.
I can take them off.
I cannot, however, move in them, not with anything even approximating grace. If i have to walk while wearing them, the best i've ever managed is a rather pathetic, holding-onto-banisters-and-the-wall-and-chair-backs shuffle. (That's assuming i didn't immediately fall down off those monster shoes, of course.)

I think i should get handicapped plates when i'm wearing them.

HARD LIMIT!
HARD LIMIT!
Those kinda shoes just moved onto my hard limits list.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh...



Caroline, you'll look just fabulous for your party.
Take pics?

 

[CarolineOh]

Gorgeous dress!
Stunning shoes!
You'll fit right in, Caroline.

Thanks, I started this thread to build my confidence, and you all have been great for that!

I'm handicapped.
I *cannot* actually walk in shoes like that.
I can put them on.
I can usually stand up in them.
I can take them off.
I cannot, however, move in them, not with anything even approximating grace. If i have to walk while wearing them, the best i've ever managed is a rather pathetic, holding-onto-banisters-and-the-wall-and-chair-backs shuffle. (That's assuming i didn't immediately fall down off those monster shoes, of course.)

I think i should get handicapped plates when i'm wearing them.

HARD LIMIT!
HARD LIMIT!
Those kinda shoes just moved onto my hard limits list.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh...


I'm not too good on them either, although I've been practicing a bit this evening. My friend says she always brings a pair of ballet slippers, and once everyone has seen the new shoes, changes into those. Sounds like a good idea to me!

Caroline, you'll look just fabulous for your party.
Take pics?

Well, I might, but I'm a little leery about that. Just having a plain old me pic on my profile has gotten me a lot of creepy mail. Maybe somone with photoshop can paste my head on the picture of the model in the dress!

 

[Guest]

so u r afraid to show how big those hips really are

 

[CarolineOh]

Aw, my first troll, now I feel like a veteran.

 

[ShyGuy68]

Well, I might, but I'm a little leery about that. Just having a plain old me pic on my profile has gotten me a lot of creepy mail. Maybe somone with photoshop can paste my head on the picture of the model in the dress!

Caroline I've just taken a look at the picture in your profile, and I'm convinced you'll make quite a few people drool when you how up in that dress!

Hmm maybe a picture where you're wearing a mask to cover your face?

 

[cymbidia]

ShyGuy, you and i haven't done much posting to/from/between/beneath/around/over/under each other in all the time i've been here at Lit, for all that our interests overlap. However, i have to say that you're incredibly kind to other people - always. There aren't many like you, people who post day after day but don't seem to piss off a few people along the way.

You're a nice man, ShyGuy.

 

[ShyGuy68]

cymbidia, I thank you very much for your nice words and the

I kinda have the philosophy that if I can't say anything nice, then I usually refrain from saying anything at all. But it have happened from time to time that I've lashed out after people here on lit, when I think they are wrong in what they post.

Thank you again for your nice words cymbidia

 

[monster666]

cymbidia, I have been given all the rules of the club, and you are right, they emphasize discretion strongly.
So, Monster, I'll be happy to let you know how I feel about the experience, but if you want *all* the dirt, you're gonna have to sneak in and watch

Well, can't you tell the WHAT and HOW without the WHO, WHERE and WHEN?

 

[CarolineOh]

ShyGuy, you and i haven't done much posting to/from/between/beneath/around/over/under each other in all the time i've been here at Lit, for all that our interests overlap. However, i have to say that you're incredibly kind to other people - always. There aren't many like you, people who post day after day but don't seem to piss off a few people along the way.

You're a nice man, ShyGuy.

He is, isn't he? Isn't it nice that the next thing posted after someone launched an insult was his kind words?
And btw, happy birthday, cymbidia!!!

 

[cymbidia]

And btw, happy birthday, cymbidia!!!

ACK!
Caroline: no no no no no no!

I mean, thank you!
It's so nice of you.. sweet and good hearted.
Thank you.

But it was just a joke.
My bday was in November, as many here know.

I'm sorry - didn't think anyone would take my little joke thing on that thread seriously. But, hmmm, you could, uh, punish me for that little indiscretion, you know...