My Fiancé is sexually distant

[SexAddict87]

Over the last few months we have only had sex a couple of times. He says its because he is really stressed about school and work. I am a very horny woman and my dildo has gotten much more use as of late. I come on these boards and my pussy practically aches for attention. I am very into spicing up our relationship by doing absolutely anything that he can think of. I have told him on many occasions that I am more than willing to try anything out, but he always reverts to doggy style. Help! I need some more sex and some variety. I love him but I need more from him!

 

[gregy70]

Honey ! I'm in the same boat & have been for too many years. It's very hard

 

[Ex Princess]

Over the last few months we have only had sex a couple of times. He says its because he is really stressed about school and work. I am a very horny woman and my dildo has gotten much more use as of late. I come on these boards and my pussy practically aches for attention. I am very into spicing up our relationship by doing absolutely anything that he can think of. I have told him on many occasions that I am more than willing to try anything out, but he always reverts to doggy style. Help! I need some more sex and some variety. I love him but I need more from him!

SexAddict, sometimes when people are distracted finding kinkier ways of doing things isn't the answer. If he is barely into doggy style, he probably isn't thinking about swapping partners or bondage games.

My guess is that there is more that needs to be worked out before things can get spiced up.

The fetish boards aren't really for advice though... Try the How To section for people's input on your situation...

 

[principessa11]

Over the last few months we have only had sex a couple of times. He says its because he is really stressed about school and work. I am a very horny woman and my dildo has gotten much more use as of late. I come on these boards and my pussy practically aches for attention. I am very into spicing up our relationship by doing absolutely anything that he can think of. I have told him on many occasions that I am more than willing to try anything out, but he always reverts to doggy style. Help! I need some more sex and some variety. I love him but I need more from him!

Before he was stressed about school and work, how was your sex life? Is what he's dealing with at work and school a temporary situation that will improve? If so, then I'd quit pressuring him and just see how your sex life does or doesn't change when he is under less stress.

Really though, if you are this incompatible before even getting married, it makes me wonder if this would even be a workable marriage. If it were me, I'd give him some time to let the work and school situation improve, and then I'd look into counseling. Literotica is great, but getting off with your toys while reading something here or chatting with someone online isn't going to change the underlying problem, which is between you and your fiance.

 

[gregy70]

My fiancé loves to be eaten & I do it on command with no reciprocation necessary, yet it can be a long time between meals. So you can guess how everything else is. It's so hard! I actually crave to go down on a woman so badly that I'm thinking of servicing another woman this way & nothing else. I'm a pleaser who doesn't get to please

 

[njlauren]

I agree,while stress of work and job takes its toll (something I am familiar with only too well, long work weeks, weekends, you name it), but the real question is how was it before he got stressed? Were you satisfied with your sex life? If this is something temporary, where work is at a particularly difficult stretch or he is trying to finish school, that is going to happen, and it will happen if you guys settle down and get married, life gets stressful, and if you have kids, well, it can often be the opposite of an aphrodisiac.......

Is there any way to try and give him and you a break? Could you possibly get away for a weekend and do nothing, maybe check into a hotel, get takeout and have sex, no homework, no work work, nothing? It can help you reconnect and recharge in the middle of craziness, believe me.

Without knowing your situation, what worries me is when stress becomes a permanent check out from sex, when it becomes a constant refrain, which I think the other poster's comment is a good one, was it okay before he got all stressed? Or was it already different for you and him?

Probably the biggest piece of advice I can give is to sit down over a dinner someplace, and talk, without rancor, without accusation, and tell him how you are feeling, that you love him and really want him and that it has been hard. If the guy can acknowledge that, and says something like " believe me, I want you so bad, but the energy isn't in the tank" it could be the stress, but if he starts getting defensive, starts with "I am working long hours and going to school, to make a future for us, and this is the thanks I get" I would be a bit more concerned (assuming when you talked to him you didn't say it accusingly, like "Honey, you aren't making love to me any more, and all you want to do is doggie style and go to sleep, don't you want me any more), speaking as someone who has been in that position, that can be using the stress and such as an excuse not to have sex, if it is overtly confrontational/ out of proportion to the way you talked to him about it, it could be a sign there is something else there..... but I think you need to talk to him so he knows. Put it this way, I have been in that boat legitimately, working really long hours, stressed out, ad nd having my spouse acknowledge that but also saying she really wants and needs me, helps me feel better and also makes me want to find ways to try and bring oomph back, including maybe taking self imposed pressure off.

From my own experience, when in the middle of the craziness it is easy to get lost, and then assume that your other is dealing okay with what is going on, and in the work world often someone is putting the pressure on themselves, thinks it is no big deal, and loses sight of the bigger picture..by talking to him about it, you are telling him that there are other things as important, and if he has half an ounce of sense, will realize at the very least to acknowledge that his stress and such doesn't just impact him

 

[Dreamwalker85]

Before he was stressed about school and work, how was your sex life? Is what he's dealing with at work and school a temporary situation that will improve? If so, then I'd quit pressuring him and just see how your sex life does or doesn't change when he is under less stress.

Really though, if you are this incompatible before even getting married, it makes me wonder if this would even be a workable marriage. If it were me, I'd give him some time to let the work and school situation improve, and then I'd look into counseling. Literotica is great, but getting off with your toys while reading something here or chatting with someone online isn't going to change the underlying problem, which is between you and your fiance.

They pretty much nailed it on the head.

 

[photobuff56]

It could nt stress or something else, but I would sure find out before you get married or you could have a miserable marriage.

 

[jhuson]

fsgrfsdfsdf

 

[Ahi_Viking]

well

Well, from everything I understand about this (firsthand, too) it only gets worse after you get married. I've been through one marriage where I learned this the hard way. If sex is important to you you have to admit that and live your life accordingly.

 

[dreamykitten2]

Omg don't waste your life

Well, from everything I understand about this (firsthand, too) it only gets worse after you get married. I've been through one marriage where I learned this the hard way. If sex is important to you you have to admit that and live your life accordingly.

Everyone is telling you like it is ! Life is too short get out and look for someone who shares your sexual appetite! You will be so much happier and life will be sweeter!

 

[Aurelia_Malys]

Over the last few months we have only had sex a couple of times. He says its because he is really stressed about school and work. I am a very horny woman ...

This sounds like my life ... and my first marriage ended after 14 years ... and an incompatible sex drive was one important factor.

 

[LoveToLurk]

SA87... I am sorry to echo the other posts; probably not what you're hoping to hear... I really really wish that I had "listened" to the sexual cues before we got married. Assuming it will get "better" or "improve" is a bad assumption. It is my experience that sex rarely gets better after marriage. PLEASE think really hard about this. It's certainly more important than I assumed. (on my part) BIG mistake.

 

[jomar]

SexAddict87, I suppose you know this probably won't end well. Best luck.